


we don't have to be friends (but somehow we are)

by libellules



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Bisexual JJ Maybank, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJ (Outer Banks)-centric, M/M, Pansexual Kiara Carrera, Post-Season/Series 01, Slow Burn, kind of, let the tomfoolery commence, lots of profanity, mention of major character death but they're alive so it's not a warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 60,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24621241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libellules/pseuds/libellules
Summary: Lonely, grieving, and drunk out of his mind, JJ Maybank makes the mistake of breaking into Topper Thornton's boat in hopes of sailing out to follow John B to the Bahamas. Instead, JJ makes a very unlikely new friend and a truly peculiar bedfellow. Well, roommate, actually.or the very un-asked for fic where Topper gets a redemption arc and joins the Pogues, and JJ comes to terms with his sexuality.
Relationships: JJ/Topper (Outer Banks), Kiara/Pope (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 185
Kudos: 405





	1. the one where topper finds a roommate

If you were to ask JJ Maybank if he had committed a crime on the last Friday night of August, well, he’d simply ask you which one you were referring to. First, there was the underage drinking—but nobody really cared about that, now did they. Of course, the use of marijuana was up there too. The public urination—though he would definitely deny it if you asked. And then there was the breaking and entering. That was the big one. 

In reality, John B was rightly to blame for JJ’s breaking and entering. For, if John B hadn’t bolted with the Phantom then JJ wouldn’t have needed to find a boat for himself. A boat to chase after John B so, again, his fault entirely. 

Perhaps if that didn’t hold up in court JJ would cry wolf and tell the lawyers he was running from his abusive father. It’s not like he had never milked his home life before. 

And in all likeliness, he probably was never going to court but instead graced with even more fees on top of the restitution for sinking Topper Thornton’s last boat. 

Because—and this is certainly worth noting—this was the second time JJ Maybank had fucked with Topper’s boats.

* * *

“Hey! I can hear you laughing. We have security cameras, you know? You’re not going to get away with this.” Topper had called out in the dimly lit boat garage. 

Upon arrival, Topper had assumed the noise coming from his unit was an animal, probably a raccoon or a stray cat curling up for the night. But the clattering was followed by musky giggles and then Topper was sure. 

“Come on, show yourself!” 

“I gotta.” Came a muffled voice from the shadows. Topper grasped the boat’s ladder and began to climb slowly up into the boat. Carefully, of course, in case this trespasser had a gun. “I gotta follow ‘em ‘fore they get to the Baha-ha-hamas.” 

The voice was slurring. Whoever it belonged to was drunk. Topper slung his legs across the backseat and stood before the intruder. They were sitting on the driver’s seat trying to insert something into the ignition to start the engine. In the boat garage. In the dark. 

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I already told ya, I gotta go.” The slurred voice was sounding more and more familiar and it wasn’t until Topper noticed the outline of a backwards baseball cap that the dots connected. _Fucking Pogues_. 

“Maybank?”

“No! That’s me. We gotta go after John B and that Kook girl,” JJ whined, grunting in frustration that the boat wasn’t going anywhere. He could barely keep himself upright in the seat.

 _That Kook girl_ was Sarah. Topper had read every last article on the sinking of the Phantom and had cried too many tears just to have JJ Maybank not even know her name. That was the love of his life who had died. 

“JJ. John B and Sarah are dead, okay. Now, come on, let’s get out of the boat and you can run back on down to the Cut,” Topper suggested and he reached to guide JJ out of the chair. However, when his fingertips brushed against JJ, the boy squirmed away from his touch and sloppily fell in the crevasse between the driver’s seat and the edge of the boat, banging his head against the wheel in quite a fit. Topper sighed, too tired to deal with this shit right now. 

“Fuck, man. Can’t go back there so I gotta drive this boat. If you don’t wanna come with me, then hop off.” 

“Let me help you up. Stop squirming, Maybank. Jeez,” Topper whined as he manhandled JJ so he was sitting back up on the chair—not without a very trying attempt to protest by JJ. He was too drunk to even push Topper’s pinky finger away. If he wasn’t this helpless, maybe Topper would’ve hit him. Maybe that Topper was fading just as fast as JJ. “Why don’t I get you some water, Maybank?”

“Some water, bro? Really, you’re funny. We’re in the middle of the ocean!” Topper wondered if there was any real use fighting the charade at this point. Might as well play along. 

“Sure, but you can’t drink salt water?”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” 

“Here, we keep bottled water on the boat. No, hold still.” Topper grabbed a bottle from the cabinet beneath the back-seat cushions of the boat to give to JJ who was pressing different buttons and twirling the wheel. Topper unscrewed the cap and brought JJ’s hands around the bottle. “Drink this.”

“If Kie were here, she’d be telling ya that this is not even sustainable, dude. Buy a Hydroflask, man, you can afford that shit.” 

“Okay, Maybank. Drink the water.” Finally, JJ brought the water to his lips and began to drink. Topper fell into the passenger’s seat and watched as the dark silhouette of JJ Maybank finished off the bottle. When he was done he scrunched the plastic bottle and tossed it behind his head onto the floor of the garage. 

“Don’t tell Kie, man.” 

“I won’t.”

“You’re a good friend.”

“We’re not friends, Maybank.” 

JJ let out a huff and began spinning around on the chair until he fell back into the space between the chair and the side of the boat. 

“How do you even stay alive?” Topper groaned as he helped JJ back up to his feet. This time he guided JJ to the backseat which didn’t spin and, thus, presented much less danger. 

“S’ hard sometimes.” 

“Being a Pogue isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?” Topper chuckled, imagining all the times the Pogues would scream ‘Kook’ in his face.

“Of course it’s fucking not. You think we want to be too broke to eat breakfast? Man, I love Pop Tarts and waffles. Damn, I love waffles, especially with little chocolate chips in ‘em. You know what John B and me was gonna do with that money?”

“What?”

“Go full Kook. That’s what we was gonna do.” 

“Well, look at yourself? You’ve got this 150k boat and you’re sailing to the Bahamas.” JJ let out a giggle at that comment. 

“I do, don’t I?” 

“And apparently all the booze in the world.” 

“I wish, man. Not enough on this island if you ask me.” 

“Didn’t ask you anything.” 

“No!” JJ whined, “You asked me about being a Pogue.” 

“Okay, you got me.” 

“What about being a Kook?” JJ asked suddenly, words coming out a little clearer than they had before. Topper opened the cabinet for another bottle of water and set it in JJ’s hands like he had before, cap off and ready to drink. “All it’s cracked up to be?” 

Topper thought a moment as JJ chugged the water down. How much would the guy even remember in the morning when he was sober? He believed he was in the middle of the ocean right now, so likely not much. 

“It was fucking perfect.”

“Was?” JJ was definitely beginning to sober up if he could catch a small detail like that. 

“It was. And then Sarah went down on that boat.” JJ mumbled something under his breath but Topper was too tired to ask about it. Thinking about Sarah did that, it absolutely exhausted him. Every muscle and nerve in his body seemed to collapse at the thought of her. They still hadn’t found the bodies—the storm probably carried them out to sea. 

“You crying?”

Topper swiped a hand across his cheek and realized he was. He let out a deep breath and collected himself. 

“Can you stand yet?” He asked JJ. The boy pulled himself to his feet and swayed a moment before Topper set a hand on his shoulders to steady him. “Come on, let’s get back on land.” 

Topper made his way over to the ladder and figured it would be smarter to go down first, concerned at just how likely it was that JJ could actually climb down the ladder in his current state. Sure enough, Topper found himself once again manhandling JJ until he was on his feet and stumbling beside Topper out of the boat garage and out to the parking lot. 

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.” Topper took a few more steps before turning around and realizing JJ had stopped. His shoulders were hunched over and his head was withdrawn. He was starting to really drive Topper crazy. 

“Can’t go home.” 

“Folks don’t like it when you get drunk?”

“I just can’t go home, okay?” That sentence was too firm for JJ to still be lost in his alcohol, but too shaky to be totally sober. Maybe Topper could just leave him there and go home. It would be easy enough. But the thought of Sarah floating cold and lifeless somewhere out in the Atlantic made him second guess himself. Maybe if somebody had just taken her home…

“Why not?”

JJ was silent, fiddled with his fingers. He swayed and Topper almost reached out to catch him but JJ managed to catch himself before he collapsed into the gravel. His eyes met Topper’s and he could see JJ was crying. Topper didn’t have a fucking clue what to do with a _crying_ JJ Maybank. Of all days, this had to be today. 

“Okay, okay. Hey,” Topper reassured as soothingly as he could must, reaching out to put a hand back on JJ’s shoulder. “No need to explain. Is there somewhere else I can take you?” 

JJ shook his head and let out a sniffled and Topper couldn’t tell if he wanted to wring his neck or give him a hug. 

“No.”

“Crash at mine then. No need to break in to anybody else’s boat tonight,” Topper offered, guiding him towards the car. JJ wasn’t putting up a fight but he also wasn’t helping Topper by holding his balance or putting one foot in front of the other. He gave a little effort as Topper tossed his limbs into the passenger’s seat. Topper closed the door after him and then buckled himself into the driver’s seat, starting up the car and checking in his rear-view that he had closed the boat garage door. He drove out of the lot as silence and sniffled breaths filled the car. 

“Radio?” He offered, desperate to fill the silence. JJ shook his head. “Okay, then.” They were silent until Topper pulled the car into the garage and shut off the engine. 

“They’re not dead,” JJ said so softly Topper almost missed it. He froze, waiting for JJ to explain. “John B and Sarah, they didn’t die.”

“You know that?”

“I’m pretty sure, yeah.”

“So you don’t know shit.”

“I know they’re not dead.”

“For God’s sake, Maybank. You live in a fucking fantasyland, don’t you? You just run around pointing guns at people’s heads, sinking 200-thousand-dollar speed boats like it’s nothing, breaking into boat garage so your parents won’t catch you wasted out of your God damn mind, and, oh yeah, you just know Sarah and John B are alive because you know nobody else is going to put up with your shit!” 

So much for not exploding tonight. JJ just stared back at him, biting down on his bottom lip as his eyes welled up once again. Topper’s hands were clenched into fists and he watched as JJ’s eyes made their way down to them. 

Topper had seen JJ’s eyes a thousand times. Usually they were a little waxy with weed or dilated in confidence. A few times they had look scared too, when there were more Kooks than Pogues they were often as big as deer in the headlights. Right now was different, right now they just looked sad. Topper had done that to them. 

“Sorry,” Topper sighed, unclenching his fists and setting his hands on the wheel. 

“No need. I did all that shit to you.” 

“Not sorry about saying that. Sorry about the other stuff I said.” 

“Oh, well, apology accepted then. I’ll just, uh,” JJ mumbled as he reached for the door handle. He hopped out of the car and, on instinct, Topper got out and quickly made his way to the other side where he expected JJ to collapse onto the floor. He didn’t this time, stood fairly steadily with his hand still gripping the handle. “Sorry, I’ll leave.”

“Maybank, hey. You can still crash here. My parents are out of town anyway and we have three guest rooms so it’s really not a big deal at all.” JJ nodded, wiping at his eyes, and followed Topper into the house. 

“Haven’t you ever had a gut feeling?” JJ asked as Topper showed him where the guest room was and where the toilet was for when he woke up ready to hurl. 

“Not this again.”

“I’m serious, Topper. My gut is never wrong and my gut tells me they’re still alive. He was gonna lay low and go down to the Bahamas to get the gold. They can’t just call because John B’s a fugitive and I guess Sarah’s an accomplice now.” 

“It’s been two months. They would’ve called somebody.”

“John B doesn’t know anybody’s phone numbers. I can promise you that.”

“You can Google anybody’s phone number.”

“How would they Google if their phones are at the bottom of the ocean?”

“Go to bed, Maybank.” 

“Just, think about it, at least.” 

Topper closed the door, made his way into his bedroom, and collapsed into the duvet.

* * *

JJ woke up Saturday morning to one of the strongest hangovers he had ever had in his life. His head rung like a church bell and it echoed through his joints to the tips of toes and out every last strand of hair. He felt this headache in his pockets, in his teeth. He also needed to vomit. 

Sitting up and looking around with open eyes for the first time that morning, JJ immediately realized he was not on the Cut. The shiplap walls and lined, monogrammed duvet was a dead giveaway. Bathroom. Where was the bathroom? An open door on the other side of the room led JJ to the most comforting sight in the world: a toilet. 

After puking up his entire stomach a few times over, JJ ran the faucet over his hands and face, swallowing some of the water to rinse the rotten taste from his lips. Now, where was he? 

“Morning, princess.” Came an unknown voice as JJ ventured down the stairs. “There’s Pop Tarts in the pantry.” It was Topper Thornton, of all people. He was sitting on a barstool at a kitchen island as big as JJ’s bedroom scrolling through his phone over a cup of coffee. Shirtless. 

JJ’s heart sunk. _He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t have. Would be? Topper Thornton?_

“What? None of last night ringing a bell?” 

“Nada.”

“Let me help you out then. And seriously, eat something,” Topper demanded flinging his hand lightly toward the pantry and then continuing on, “At some point last night you got incredibly drunk and made your way all the way across the Outer Banks and into my family’s boat garage where you were absolutely positive you were sailing out to the Bahamas. I found you there, very kindly did not immediately call the police, and then you said you couldn’t go home so you crashed here.” 

“Oh.”

“Not what you were expecting?” Topper was too cocky like this—all muscular and half naked in his big, rich house. It didn’t sit right with JJ but he was still too hungover and confused to wipe the smirk off his face. 

“We’re not exactly friends.”

“No, we’re not.”

“So why did I crash here? I surely wasn’t in the neighborhood.” Against his better judgement, JJ grabbed one of the Oreo Pop Tarts and took a seat at the other end of the kitchen island. Topper took a sip of his coffee and then set the porcelain mug on the marble countertop so it made a soft clinking sound. The morning light coming in through the windows made JJ’s eyes hurt. 

“Look, Maybank. We’re not friends, never gonna be. But you were pretty upset last night: crying and talking about Sarah and John B’s shipwreck and you wouldn’t go home. So, what was I supposed to do? Let you sleep in the streets like a hobo?”

JJ was thankful it was only a rhetorical question because he wasn’t really up to explaining why he couldn’t go home, why he couldn’t handle his drink anymore, why he was crying to a Kook of all people. It was embarrassing and, for the time being at least, JJ was glad he couldn’t remember it. 

“I can leave,” JJ offered, taking another bite of the Pop Tart in case he didn’t have time to finish it. 

“It’s no big deal, dude. Nobody’s home and I don’t care if you’re here.” JJ couldn’t tell if that meant he should stay or go. Luckily, Topper continued after a moment. “Can you go back home tonight?”

Topper wasn’t looking at JJ, instead he sipped on his coffee again and scrolled through his phone. JJ was glad his eyes weren’t on him; this conversation would be impossible if they had been. 

“Don’t offer that. You just said we weren’t friends and I don’t any Kook pity.” 

“Pity, whatever. I don’t care what you do, Maybank. Honestly. But I’m really tired. I’m tired of being angry all the time and I’m tired of losing people. I don’t know much of anything about you but I think we probably have that in common. If you need some food, I have a pantry full of it and nobody else if here to fucking eat it.”

“Can you not be so loud, please?”

“Shit, sorry. But seriously, man, differences aside for a minute. My girlfriend just died in a shipwreck and I found out my best friend is actually a murderer, so I don’t really know what to think right now. If you’re stupid enough to break into another one of my boats you must be pretty desperate. Am I right?” _Condescending,_ but right objectively. 

JJ nodded in spite of his pride. 

“We don’t have to talk to each other, we don’t have to ever be friends. But if you need a place to stay for a little while, I am offering—with no pity, might I add—for you to stay here.” 

And if you had asked JJ Maybank if there was any way in Hell he would ever voluntarily spend time with a Kook, especially a Kook like Topper Thornton, he would’ve bet all the Royal Merchant money against it. He would laugh right in your face, holler even. 

And yet, he said, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic really is just a mess but the idea of giving Topper a redemption arc has been floating around my head and then this just happened... I plan to turn this into a chapter fic that focuses on the Pogues' friendship with one another and I'll keep Kie/Pope because I love them, but there will be some hints at JJ's unrequited feelings for some of the Pogues (all the Pogues, bi!JJ all day). Also, eventually all other characters and relationships will be mentioned/relevant.


	2. the one where orion is not a plane

After a quiet breakfast, JJ decided to head out and give Topper some space. Get some space to clear his head. Get an idea of what the hell he was doing. 

JJ knew the Cut like the back of his hand. He knew every bump in the road, every tree root cracking through the pavement where his bike would lift into the air and he was weightless for a moment. He knew who lived where and which dogs he could pet and which ones would rip him to shreds if they broke off the leash. But Kook country? It was a foreign land. 

John B always liked to break into the Kook houses under construction. The first time he had suggested it they were ten and John B, JJ, and Pope had spent all day running up and down the halls and sliding down the banister, pretending for just a few moments that the house actually belonged to them. As sixteen-year-olds the vacant space was more of a place to drink in private than it was an oversized dollhouse. John B always drove, so JJ didn’t know these roads or these people. 

Sarah Cameron’s house was just down the street from Topper’s though. It was ghostly white, like an enormous insane asylum. The roof had a tarp over it, likely from hurricane Aggie damage. The blue tarp looked out of place above the marble columns and Edison bulb string lights. JJ wondered which room John B had been sleeping in. Before. 

A few blocks away, closer to the bridge down to the Cut was a two-story stone house with a basketball court in the backyard and an in-ground pool with a jacuzzi. Shadows in the windows revealed pinned curtains and the gleaming of candles felt a bit blinding. JJ decided that when John B came back with the money he was going to buy that house and all the Pogues could live there together. 

Suddenly the front door open and JJ bolted down the street, back across the bridge to comfortable territory. To the Wreck where he was going to beg Mr. Carrera for a job. 

“No, kid. I’m sorry, but we just aren’t looking for any more help right now.” 

“Please, Mr. C, I’ll bust tables and clean the windows and shit. I swear, I’m a hard worker.”

“I believe that you are. But, like I said, we are fully staffed and with tourist season coming to an end we just don’t need any more hands on deck.”

“Dad, come on,” Kie chimed in from behind the counter where she had previously been tucked in between the pages of a book. It was Shakespeare, so JJ assumed it was required reading for English and not leisure. She batted her eyelids a few times and, finally, Mr. Carrera let out a sigh. 

“Fine, fine! I’ve got a few people with kids who try to get out closing shifts, so you can come in a few nights a week and take over for them _after_ the dinner crowd has died down so they can get their tips.” 

“Thank you so much, sir. You will not regret this!” JJ promised giving Mr. Carrera a pat on the shoulder and grinning at Kie who simply rolled her eyes but still returned his smile. 

“I better not, kid.” 

Kie set her book down on the counter as JJ slid onto the seat across from her. 

“So,” he began, “We need to celebrate.” 

“We’ll take some beers out on the Pogue after my shift then. Pope’s not working tonight either.”

“I’m not talking about barely breaking tipsy, I’m talking about going out and actually celebrating. It’s a Saturday night, there’s bound to be something going down at the Boneyard.”

“JJ,” Kie warned softly. “You know Pope and I aren’t up for a party just yet.” 

“It’s been two months, Kie.”

“Two months, JJ. That’s not much time at all.”

“It is when you’re basically homeless and one of your best friends is lost at sea and the other two have ditched you so they can mack on each other all day.” Kie stiffened and bit down on her lip as if she wanted to yell. She probably wanted to yell, but JJ wasn’t trying to stop her. 

“JJ.”

“Don’t. You know it’s true. When is the last time we actually all hung out with each other since John B left? Huh? Because I remember. It’s when we were brought into the fucking police station for questioning.” 

“JJ.” Kie wasn’t mad anymore. Much worse, she had the same pity in her eyes that everybody seemed to be giving JJ these days. “I’m sorry. Things have been hard.” 

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Excuse me, ma’am. You work here?” A customer asked, drawing Kie away from their conversation for a moment to ring somebody out. During which, JJ fiddled with her book trying to figure out if it was actually English or not. 

“I’m sorry, JJ. If it makes you feel better Pope and I have both been working a lot and honestly haven’t even seen each other that much.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better actually. Must suck to not get to hang out with your boyfriend.” 

“Not my boyfriend, yet. We’re taking things slow right now.”

“Taking things slow?” 

Kie filled up a glass with Coke and set it out before JJ, sticking a metal straw in it from her apron’s pocket. 

“I mean, yeah. We kissed that one time and I’ve liked him for a long time but John B died and, well, everything’s just been hard and I don’t want to screw this up.” 

“Fair enough.”

Kie nodded and ran a hand over her headband and scratched at her scalp gingerly for a moment. 

“Where have you been staying? I heard there were police keeping tabs on the Chateau now,” she asked, taking a sip from her own drink. 

“Around,” JJ answered, hoping to avoid the truth as long as he could. But it was Kie, so there was bound to be a follow up question. At least stalling gave him time to think up a believable lie. 

“At home? Please tell me you haven’t.”

“No. I mean, sometimes, yeah. But, not lately.”

“Not lately, that’s good. Are you like sleeping in a tent or are you crashing somewhere?” She was adamant and JJ wished she had never brought the topic up at all. 

“I’m staying with a friend, okay?”

“A friend. But not me and not Pope?”

“I do actually have other friends, Kiara.”

“Okay, like who?” 

“Rude.”

“No, I’m seriously asking. Who are you staying with?”

“It’s not like you or Pope offered anyway.” Kie’s face dropped but JJ didn’t feel badly for her. Puppy eyes wouldn’t work on him because it was true. Kie had promised JJ things were going to okay that night in the hot tub and then John B died and it was she and Pope were let off the hook. 

“I’m so sorry, JJ,” Kie admitted on a shaky breath and then looked back and forth before meeting JJ’s gaze. “You said we couldn’t tell anyone and my parents already don’t like you and they’re not big fans of Pope either, and without letting them in on it they just won’t let you stay here. I swear if I could-,”

JJ decided to interrupt her before she started to cry. “It’s okay, Kie. I shouldn’t have snapped. I know you tried. I just, I’m used to having JB to crash with.” 

Kie reached out to put a hand over his but he pulled away, not wanting to turn this happy day into a rerun of the previous night. JJ was getting tired of sob sessions and feeling like shit about himself, about being angry at his friends. 

“Let’s go get beers and take a spin on the damn HMS Pogue tonight. Like old times.” Kie gave him a sad smile and crossed her arms across her chest. 

“You promise you’re not living on the streets or in a tent somewhere? Like, for real promise,” she asked with a determined worry in her eyes. 

“I promise. I’m good. And now I have a job and you have the world’s sexiest boyfriend.” 

“Not my boyfriend,” Kie argued, taking JJ’s drink and blowing bubbles into it through the straw. 

“Cold.”

* * *

Kie got out of work at eight and grabbed a six pack from the basement fridge before sending a text to Pope and JJ to let them know she would be waiting at the end of the dock. Pope had been temporarily tending to the Pogue, since Heyward knew a thing or two about fixing up old boats, so JJ was to meet Pope at Heyward’s and the two would come pick Kie up and the three could head out into the marsh and finally spend some time together. 

Kie was just as excited as she was anxious for the entire night. 

She loved her friends, completely. But things had been excruciatingly weird since John B went down in the storm. 

First, there was Pope. The guy she had been crushing on since the seventh grade when he won the class debate about women having the right to decide for themselves if they wanted to get an abortion or not. It did not go over well with the majority of the class or the teacher, but Kie decided that day that Pope Heyward was going to be her new friend. So, she invited herself and her only other friend, Sarah, to sit with him at lunch. Sarah got so bored that she ended up finishing lunch early and went to go study for their math test while Pope and Kie went on for the entire lunch period about human rights and then landed on catching waves when the bell rung. 

Pope was she rock when she and Sarah became enemies in the ninth grade. Her took her in and introduced to her JJ and John B and the four teens stuck to each other like glue. 

But now they had kissed. They had been kissing while John B was drowning and the thought of it made Kie’s stomach churn. It was so selfish. Not that she didn’t still want to kiss him, but it didn’t feel right to get to feel the butterflies when John B and Sarah were dead. 

And then there was JJ. Kie loved JJ, perhaps the most of any of the Pogues. He was funny, way nicer than she would’ve expected, and surprisingly open minded for a rural North Carolina fishing boy. He was always the first to notice when Kie was upset, but also the first to make fun of her when she said or did something stupid. And then the hot tub night happened and now Kie was terrified to be in the same room as him. 

_How hadn’t she known? There had to have been signs. There were always bruises._ She kept replaying the night over and over again in her mind, the black and blue circles on his rips and the wet, cold, heaviness of his body as he fell into her arms. And then the steadiness of Pope’s keeping them all upright in the gently swaying water. It was hard to walk on egg shells, especially around somebody like JJ. 

But this would be good. Like ‘old times.’ Not that it would be anything like old times at all, though. 

The Pogue’s headlights approached and Pope waved out to her from where he stood and JJ sent up a hand from behind the wheel. JJ let out a whistle and Pope wrestled JJ’s head under his arm before leaning over the edge of the boat and pulled it close enough to the dock for Kiara to climb aboard. 

“I come baring gifts,” Kie announced and she placed the cooler down into the boat and slid in to Pope’s awkward hug. The hug wasn’t inherently awkward, per se—his arms felt like butter and made her skin all warm—but they weren’t comfortable with each other yet so their elbows banged into each other and JJ couldn’t take his eyes off of them. JJ chuckled and Pope passed out the bottles. 

“To the sea,” JJ announced, holding up his beer to the moon as he drove the boat away from the Wreck.

“To the sea!” Kie and Pope let out happily, Kie finally finding a comfortable spot under Pope’s arm on the seat of the boat. JJ had brought a speaker and classic rock filled the night air as they drove out to their new favorite spot. The place where they had found the boat. Where John B had almost died scuba diving. It was just heavy enough to set the mood and just private enough to keep things easy. 

“That one’s Orion. I swear to you it is,” JJ argued to Pope after a few beers, all three of them laying on their backs and counting the stars above.

“No, it’s not. That’s just a clump of stars. Orion is in the northwest. Right about there,” Pope retorted, pointing to the tip of the constellation. Kie watched the veins in his arms more than the direction of his fingertips. 

“That’s a fucking plane. It’s blinking, dude,” JJ insisted, throwing his head to the side in aggravation. 

“it’s not blinking at all actually because stars don’t do that. Get your vision checked, bro.” 

“I have twenty-twenty vision, so I think I’m actually in the right here.”

“Guys, chill out for a minute. It’s definitely Orion, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that the three of us are finally hanging out again,” Kie declared, breaking the argument even though she knew neither cared enough to take it too far. Usually John B was the one to shut them up. 

“Closest thing to normal I’ve felt in a long time,” Pope sighed, wrapping an arm—and a leg—over Kiara. She decided it was dark enough, and they were tipsy enough, that there was no use pulling away. She could indulge for just a moment. She twirled the cotton of Pope’s t-shirt around her pointer finger. 

“Not normal. But good,” JJ sighed, wresting his hands underneath his head and gazing toward the moon. “Wherever JB is, I bet he’s still wearing that stupid bandana around his neck.”

“I like that bandana.”

“I think you’re the only one, Kie.” Pope got a light elbow in the stomach for that one. 

“Fine. But I have to admit, it doesn’t exactly go with the pink hoodie.”

“The pink hoodie is sick,” stated JJ. This was far from normal. 

“It’s not fair,” muttered Pope and the heaviness swept across the night above, sinking their bones down against the boat. 

“Fair doesn’t exist,” Kie argued. “It’s just a social construct.” 

“Fair, or whatever you want to call it. John B didn’t deserve to die. Neither did Sarah.” 

“He’s not dead.” 

“JJ.”

Kie felt Pope’s hands tighten around her as JJ spoke. They both knew JJ was in denial and, if she was being honest, it was part of why they hadn’t been spending as much time with him. It was hard to grieve when JJ was scheming about getting a boat and sailing away to find them. It was hard to watch JJ like that. 

“They haven’t found the bodies and, until they do, I don’t really care what you two or anybody else has to say about it. He has to be alive.” 

“Okay, JJ. Okay.”

* * *

“Where can I drop you off, man?” Pope asked as Kiara hopped off the boat, waved goodbye, and headed back home for the night. 

“I need to stop by the store and get a few things actually, so I’ll just walked from your house. It’s not far.” 

Pope seemed content on believing that answer so the two rode down to Heyward’s shop and JJ helped Pope dock the Pogue. 

“Let’s do this again soon. It was really good,” Pope suggested as JJ started to head down the street. _Pope’s smile was really fucking warm sometimes._

“Yeah, let’s do it again soon.” 

The walk down the Cut was easy, peaceful even. The tourists were gone and the streets were quiet, people tucked away in their homes or grilling in their backyards. Laughter and hollering lightly echoed in the air, but it was calm and gentle. Crossing the bridge over to Kook country, the quiet felt far more eerie and unsettling. No dogs barking or gently rumbling gravel beneath his feet. Just the squish of his sneakers against the pavement. 

It was a while before he found Topper’s house. He stopped at the gate. _Was he really going to just walk inside and spend the night?_

Topper _had_ been the one to suggest that JJ stay. 

He opened the gate and made his way up the front porch and through the unlocked front door. 

“There you are. I was beginning to think you were planning on sleeping on my boat again,” Topper rambled, immediately hopping off the couch and making his way into the entryway to meet JJ. He was in a pair of pajama pants and, luckily, this time he was wearing a shirt too. He was less intimidating that way. Not that JJ found Topper intimidating, or anything. 

“Worrying about me, Momma?” teased JJ as he shut the front door behind him and made his way to the kitchen. Topper set the lock on the door and then follow him, resting against the counter as JJ took a glass from the cabinets to get a drink of water. 

“Have you eaten? There’s leftovers in the fridge,” he offered, his eyes like magnets on JJ’s skin. Even with his back to Topper, JJ could feel his gaze all over him. It was unsettling. 

“Ate at work.”

“Where do you work?”

“Why do you care?” JJ asked, turned around to look at Topper who was suddenly the one looking a bit out of place. 

“I’m not going to apologize for offering you dinner,” he protested raising his hands up in surrender and then running a hand through his hair and sitting up on the counter. 

“I didn’t ask you to apologize, I asked why you suddenly care about my diet.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah, seriously. Last time I checked you and you friends like to use me as a human punching bag, actually.” 

“I’m sorry about Rafe, okay. I know he sucks.” 

“He sucks? He is actually the worst person I’ve ever met and he’s also a murder, so.”

“I’m not trying to defend him. In fact, he’s not my friend anymore.” 

“Didn’t want to hang with you now that Sarah dumped you?”

“Shut up, man. I’m trying to be nice, not pick a fight with you!”

“So stop being nice to me. It’s fucking weird.” 

Topper rolled his eyes and opened the fridge, grabbing a Tupperware dish of pasta out and spooning some onto a plate. He set it in the microwave and then pushed it before JJ, handing him a fork and then taking a seat beside him. 

“It was going to go bad, anyway.” 

Instead of saying thank you, JJ picked up the fork and began to twirl it around the pasta, shoving a clump into his mouth. 

“Where do you work, Maybank?”

“The Wreck,” said JJ between bites. Topper hummed. 

“The Wreck slaps, man.” 

“Indeed it does slap.” 

“And they give their employees free food?”

“Not even a discount, actually.” 

“I figured as much.” JJ watched as Topper sat, no phone to scroll through or fingers fiddling. He was just sitting there, watching JJ eat as if this was completely normal. 

“You make this spaghetti yourself, big guy?” JJ asked, desperate to dull the quiet, to draw Topper’s attention away from how quickly he was eating. 

“Actually, I did. I’m not totally helpless.” 

“Well, next time you might want to go a little lighter on the sauce because the noodle to sauce ratio is a little underwhelming. Too much sauce and it’s like soup.” Topper just stared at JJ a moment before his face went soft and he let out a laugh, and then another, and then just fucking smiled at JJ. 

“Maybe next time you can show me how to make it.” 

“Well, if we’re going to do a pasta night we have to use those spiral-y looking noodles because they really hold the sauce the best.” 

“Oh do they, now?” JJ nodded and shoved the last bite into his mouth contently. Topper stood up and took the dishes, rinsing them off and then loading them into the dishwasher. 

“You didn’t have to do that, the dishes. I could’ve loaded them myself.” Topper shrugged. 

“I don’t really have anything better to do, so.” He let out a deep breath and JJ scratched the back of his neck. 

“Topper Thornton really doesn’t have anything better to do than clean up after a dirty Pogue on a Saturday night? No parties? No lines of cocaine to snort?” 

“Don’t you ever get tired of fighting?”

“Hey, I’m never the one starting it!”

“I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I’m kind of embarrassed I ever was that guy. No wonder Sarah dumped me.” 

“Those are some big realizations you’ve got there.”

“I’m serious. I’m sorry I’ve been so shitty.”

“Is this why suddenly so intent on being nice to me?” asked JJ, standing up from his seat at the kitchen island. “To make yourself feel better about all the shit you’ve said to me?” 

“No. I mean, sort of. But no.”

“Then why? Why am I here?”

“You needed a place to stay. I’m happy to have a roommate,” he began. “I don’t really have any friends anymore and all I ever think about is Sarah and you show up out of nowhere and it’s honestly just like really nice to not think about anything else for a little while.” 

JJ was not expecting that. Especially from a sober Topper Thornton. 

“Well, that kind of makes sense.” 

“I don’t pity you, Maybank. Even though you seem to believe I do. I guess I just thought maybe we could help each other out.” 

“Help each other out, as in?”

“As in, you need a place to stay and I need a friend.” It was JJ’s turn to let out a laugh, but Topper didn’t seem to find his statement all that funny. “I’m not kidding.” 

“So you’re bribing me to be your friend? Are you really that desperate?”

“You wanna talk about desperate? You’re the one who broke into my boat, you’re the one came crying to me about how you can’t afford to eat, and you want to call me the desperate one?”

“Okay, so we’re both a little desperate.” 

“If you don’t ever want to be my friend, I get it, man. I’ve been a dick to you and I’m not entitled to your forgiveness. Whatever you decide, you’re still welcome to stay here.”

“When are your parents getting back, anyway?”

“Them. Yeah, no. My mom drops in every now and then but for the most part she’s at our Charleston house and my dad’s constantly on business trips. They aren’t going to be an issue.” 

“I see.”

“And yours? Won’t they want to know where you are?”

“Well I don’t even know where my mom is, so I highly doubt she cares. And my old man, he only misses having something to break.” And, shit, he had actually said that out loud. Without hesitation. To Topper. 

Topper was quiet for a moment but just nodded and started up the dishwasher, turned off the kitchen lights. 

“You remember where the guest room is?” Topper asked as JJ followed him out of the room and up the stairs. 

“Second door on the right.”

“It’s yours now, Maybank.” 

“JJ.”

“Huh?”

“Nobody calls me Maybank. That’s stupid. Just call me JJ.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was not expecting all the positive feedback and I really appreciate all the kind comments! As for this fic becoming JJxTopper, honestly I'm just taking it chapter by chapter, so maybe it'll happen, maybe not? I'm just going to let the story go where it wants to go but I'm not ruling anything out. I'm feeling really inspired about where this storyline may go, so I hope you all continue to enjoy it!
> 
> Also, please ignore all the very many typos in here. I’ll get around to cleaning them up at some point but right now I really can’t be bothered.


	3. the one where kie doesn't handle it well

JJ expected to wake up to a fleeting moment of panic, of not knowing where he was, and blissfully forgetting the parameters of his new living arrangement. But when JJ woke up Sunday morning, he recognized the room instantly, the taste of spaghetti sauce now rotten in his throat. 

It was strange to sleep in a Kook house for many, _many_ reasons. One of which being the air conditioning. Usually, JJ had to resort to sleeping naked on the top of his bed sheets, waking in a pool of his own sweat. When he woke in Topper’s guest bedroom his skin was flooded with goosebumps as the air conditioner hummed, vibrating the walls and the hard wood floors beneath. JJ pulled the duvet up to his chin and gave himself a few minutes to just wake up. 

He didn’t notice the pile of folded clothes at the foot of the bed until he was sitting upright with his legs dangling over the edge of the obnoxiously high bed. It was a pair of shorts—preppy ones that JJ wouldn’t be caught dead in, like ever—and a polo. A yellow index card was placed on top with the message:

_You stink. Wash your clothes today, please._

JJ was still too tired to laugh but sniffed at his armpits and realized Topper may be on to something. He couldn’t even remember the last time he showered. A week? He stripped off his clothes and tossed them on the Moroccan-tiled bathroom floor as he started up the water. Hot water. It came streaming out of the showerhead instantly as if it didn’t cost a cent.

The water pressure, the warmth, the fluffy towels were all too much. They were making JJ forget why he hated Kooks in the first place. It was so nice here. 

When JJ was finished with his shower and finally stopped smelling like sewage and mud—thanks to Topper’s guestroom shampoo, his aroma was now a coconutty breeze, or something—he hesitantly reached for the clothing on the bed. It would certainly be easier to just throw his dirty clothes back on and spare himself the humiliation of looking like an Ivy League frat boy. But Topper had offered the washing machine and JJ wasn’t exactly in a position to turn that down. 

And seriously, _fuck Topper_ for being so jacked and his stupid shorts that were practically falling right down JJ’s legs. The shirt wasn’t too bad, but it definitely wasn’t a muscle shirt on JJ. 

“Do you have, like, a belt or something, you giant?” JJ asked as he glided into the kitchen, one hand clutching his dirty clothes and the older pulling up the shorts by their beltloops. Topper was at the stove prodding some eggs and the smirk he gave off when he saw JJ made JJ instantly want to bolt. Well, take off the stupid pastel shorts and then bolt. 

“First of all, the laundry room is just through that door, so you can just throw those in the washer. Second of all, pink really suits you. And lastly, I’m actually not a giant. In fact, you’re taller than me, I’m pretty sure.” 

“Pink actually does not suit me, thank you very much. Blues and greys and sometimes red actually compliment my complexion very nicely,” JJ retorted as he tossed his clothes into the washer and reentered the kitchen. “Belt?” 

“Yeah, sure. Just let me finish these and then I can go get one.” 

JJ hummed and tugged at the beltloop again, swaying a little in his stance in uncertainty. Things were certainly less awkward this morning than they were the last, but this was still all too new. 

“You don’t need to just stand there. You can take whatever you want. I need to go to the store later, we’re out of like almost everything. But, uh, I think we have some bread and jam and whatnot,” Topper explained, motioning to the pantry and the toaster. “Knock yourself out.” 

A thank you poked at JJ’s lips but he just nodded and placed two pieces of bread in the toaster. Topper dumped the eggs onto a plate and then left the room, presumably to find JJ a belt. The bread still hadn’t finished toasting by the time Topper returned. 

“Here, this is the smallest one I had, so.” He handed JJ the belt and JJ tried not to take that statement as an insult. Maybe if JJ had an in-home fitness center he would be even bigger than Topper. 

“Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it.” 

JJ made quick work of twisting the leather belt through the little pink belt loops and was happily surprised to see that, even though the belt was embarrassingly too big, the shorts were no longer completely falling off. A little victory. 

After breakfast, JJ decided it would be best to just hang out around the house so he wouldn’t be seen by anybody else in this ridiculous outfit. If Kie or Pope caught him in Topper’s clothes he knew he’d never hear the end of it. If Kie and Pope caught him _living_ with Topper, well, that was a whole different story. 

“Look man,” Topper started, walking into the living room where JJ was sprawled out in the corner of the sectional watching Jeopardy. “I have to meet up with some dudes to work on a group project due tomorrow but, uh, feel free to just like hang out?”

“Is that a question.” Topper cleared his throat and shook his head, pulling at his backpack strap even though it was stable and secured on his oh so muscular shoulders. Not that JJ noticed his shoulders. 

“Nope. Maybe? Look, if you leave just lock up and I don’t have a spare key, but I’ll be home in few hours to let you back in.”

“I think I’ll just stay in, actually. I don’t really want to make too bold of a fashion statement showing up to the Cut in this positively primo getup.” 

“My clothes aren’t good enough for you, then?” Topper was grinning and JJ wondered just how far he could push his buttons before the old, angry Topper showed through. 

“Not even. I have very high standards for what I wear.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“It’s my lifelong dream of pursuing a career in the fashion industry actually. My first trend prediction: muscle tanks and basketball shorts.”

“Don’t forget baseball caps.”

“I could never.” JJ tossed a hand over his heart playfully and then pulled it down into his lap and shifted his focus to the tv. “I don’t think I’m going anywhere. Kie and Pope are both working tonight anyway.”

“Okay, cool. Well, there’s food in the kitchen and you know how to call 9-1-1, so just don’t burn the house down.”

“Aye, aye cap’an.”

* * *

Topper finally left Cassandra’s house around 8:45 pm, way later than he had hoped this project would drag on. Really it was all Kelce’s fault for showing up half an hour late with only one-third of his part finished. But he brought the snacks, so Topper could look past it. Cassandra couldn’t though, and had given him quite a hard time about the entire ordeal. Regardless, Topper never wanted to think about Medieval architecture again in his life. 

His phone rang at some point on the drive home but Topper waited until he was in the driveway to answer it. Not for safety precautions, but because only two people ever, actually called him: Sarah—who was now dead—and his mother. And he really wasn’t in the mood to talk to his mother. 

“Topper? Honey, I have such great news!” she said before even so much as a _hello_ or a _how have you been?_

“Hey, Mom. What’s the news?”

“Your father just closed on the Mason Property! How thrilling, love. I’m going to fly out this weekend to get a head start on the design plans before the contractors get there on Friday. I mean, you know how those construction-type are. They want to overcharge us for everything because they know how much your father makes.” 

Topper sighed and turned off the car, dropping the keys in the pocket of his shorts. The porch lights were off but none of the blinds were closed and he could see some light shining from the living room. 

“…and I told her. I said, Jenny, I will not stand for anything that is certified Carrara Marble. She practically had a fit, but I held my ground.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, love?”

“I’m so happy for you but I’m just stepping into the shower, so maybe I can call you back tomorrow?”

“Oh, my. Well, I hate to keep you. Yes, we’ll talk tomorrow because I have so much to tell you about the house. Oh, quick, before you hang up! I am going to be on site for a few weeks just to make sure all those workers don’t try to hijack my color scheme, so it’s going to be a little while before I’m home.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Do you have enough food in the house? And real food with vegetables and nutrients. Not just frozen pizzas and beer?”

“I’m fine on food, Mom.”

“Well isn’t that wonderful. I’ll send you a link to my mood board for the design aesthetics. Love you so much, honey.”

“Love you too, Mom.” 

Topper’s shoes suddenly felt like they had been laced far too tight, the buttons on his shirt too high for comfort. He needed to change. He needed to go hit the punching bag until he could hear himself think again. 

When Topper got inside he slid his sneakers off and tossed them in the pile of all his shoes crowding the mud room and let his bag drop beside them. Drowsily, he flipped the lock on the garage door and slugged to the kitchen for something to drink. Something hard, preferably. He passed through the living room and jumped at the sight of JJ on the couch. In his tired, thrown-off state he had momentarily forgotten about his roommate. 

JJ was still in the corner of the sectional, now dead asleep and curled around a throw pillow as Family Feud played quietly on the flat screen. JJ was drooling a bit onto the pillow and, surprisingly, still wearing Topper’s clothes. 

It was a little strange to see JJ in his clothes. Somehow far stranger than seeing JJ on his sofa. Once he had left a hoodie at Sarah’s but she’d just washed it and given it right back, no desire to keep it or wear around. Not that JJ was anything like Sarah. Topper had just never shared his clothes with anybody before. 

JJ let out a cough-like breath and turned over, curling in on himself further and mumbled something under his breath. Topper thought he looked a bit like a cat. The air conditioner hummed and Topper, against his better judgement, gently tossed a throw blanket over JJ before heading into the kitchen to grab a glass of whiskey. Not enough to get drunk, but enough to take his mind off the presentation, off of his mother, off of Sarah Cameron. 

The glass was empty far quicker than Topper would’ve liked but he had the presentation tomorrow and it was worth like twenty percent of his grade so he fought the urge to pour another. It was almost ten and once he had showered, it would probably be around ten thirty. The responsible thing to do would be to get some sleep. Or try to, at least. 

Topper’s new ‘good night of sleep’ was anything over three hours, consecutively, where he slept at least until six. A rarity, but ideal now. 

Ever since that night, all Topper could see when he closed his eyes was Sarah. Her purple bikini. Her shiny, soft hair that always felt like silk. Her lips…screaming out for help as she choked on saltwater. As she drowned. Topper really wanted another glass. He really wanted to skip school. He really wanted to take a baseball bat and just start swinging. 

No.

He couldn’t do that anymore. He couldn’t be that guy anymore. Sarah never wanted him to be that guy. 

Topper set his glass in the dishwasher and took the clean clothes out of the dryer, folding them and carrying them up to his room. He set JJ’s clothes down in the guestroom. The bed was unmade and all the lights were still on from the morning. The exhaust fan in the bathroom still whirled round and round. Topper turned it all off. Bad for the environment and all that. 

_Thud_. The floor rattled for a moment and then somebody was screaming. _JJ_ was screaming. 

“Fuck,” Topper hissed, “Thought I locked the damn door.” He ran downstairs. 

The television was still playing, the lights still bright, JJ still in the corner of the sectional. But he was sitting up, knees drawn to his chest and he was rocking back and forth. His fingers were buried into his hair and he was audibly having trouble breathing. Or maybe he was crying. 

Topper was a protective guy. Always had been. He was the leader of his friend groups, he took the first punch so they didn’t have to, he took care of his mom when his dad was away, he made sure nobody fucked with Sarah. And suddenly that protectiveness was all focused on JJ Maybank, of all people. Something about JJ’s mannerisms—his skittishness, his jumpiness—made Topper want to reach out and put a hand on him. Right now, Topper needed to take care of him. 

Whether it was for JJ’s benefit or Topper’s, he wasn’t yet sure. 

Topper cautiously sat down beside him on the couch and, instantly, JJ visibly flinched away from him, digging himself deeper into the cushions. 

“It’s okay, man. It’s just me, Topper.”

JJ shook his head and let out a breath that seemed to crumble in midair and reverberated down his spine, making him tremble. There was so much about JJ that Topper didn’t understand. 

“What happened? Was it a dream?”

JJ kept making those sob-like choking sounds but his head nodded, a little bit frantically, but nodded. 

“Okay, that’s okay. Everybody has bad dreams sometimes. But that’s all they are, right? Dreams.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Wasn’t _uh_ dream.”

“Felt real?”

“Was real.”

“Well, that’s not anything weird either. I mean, we all dream about real shit that’s happened.”

“Like Da-Daddy’s credit card run-running out?”

“Glad to see you haven’t been stripped of your humor.” 

JJ tore a hand from his hair to shoot Topper the bird but then buried his face between his knees and wrapped his arms around himself. And then he let out a fucking whimper and Topper could feel his stomach doing backflips. 

This time when Topper reached out, JJ didn’t pull away. Topper took that as a go ahead and wrapped one arm around JJ’s shoulders, letting his fingertips run gently up and down his arm. JJ trembled, bouncing the couch and turning, suddenly, into Topper’s chest. His head fell between Topper’s chin and his arm pit and his shirt felt cold and damp. He drew his other arm around JJ until it was a full-blown hug. 

“It’s okay, dude. Everything’s okay.” 

“Everything’s okay?” JJ whimpered again, sounding brokenly angry. Topper held a little tighter but JJ tensed at that, so he loosened his hold. “Nothing’s fucking okay.”

“Shits fucked up, but I mean, you’re okay right now. Nothing bad is happening right now.”

“Nothing bad?” This time JJ let out a small laugh and, even though it sounded more hysterical than reactionary, it still eased Topper’s nerves a bit. “I’m having a fucking mental breakdown and I’m wearing pink shorts and my best friend is dead.” 

“The shorts are hot shit.”

“No,” JJ argued, pulling out of the hug and pointing a warning finger toward Topper, cheeks wet his tears and eyes puffy but still with a dash of twinkle to them, “the shorts are not hot shit at all.” He set the finger down and took a deep breath, wiping at his eyes and then looking to Topper. Topper’s hands were still on his shoulders. JJ wasn’t pulling away. 

Maybe it was a stupid thing to ask but Topper decided to ask it anyway. 

“Your dad?” 

JJ nodded and then shrugged, finally leaving Topper’s embrace completely, letting his knees down so his legs draped over the side of the couch. When he was sitting up straight they were at eye-level to each other. 

“Sometimes I dream about getting mauled by a shark. Or bitten by a cottonmouth.” JJ flashed an obviously fake smile and took another deep breath. He picked up the throw blanket and begin to fiddle with it. Topper wondered if he should leave or stay. Say something else or shut up. 

“Do you have any pajamas?” JJ asked, eyes far from Topper once again. 

“Yeah, yeah. I got some pajamas, JJ. I’ll go get them for you now.” JJ met his eyes with a smile so soft Topper would’ve sworn it couldn’t belong to a Pogue. Well, at least he would’ve before one moved into his house. JJ was not what Topper had expected at all. 

Topper stood up, waiting a moment to see if JJ was going to ask anything else. When he stayed quiet, Topper went upstairs to find something to give JJ. The same JJ who had spent all day pouting about wearing Topper’s clothes was now asking for more. Even though they both knew his laundry was clean. JJ was walking down the hall when Topper had collected the pajamas: a pair of sweats and a worn-in t-shirt from UNC Chapel Hill. 

Topper handed them to JJ before JJ closed the door behind him into the guest room. Without a word he just closed the door for the night. Topper fought the urge to go back to the kitchen for another drink. Surprisingly, he also fought the urge to picture JJ in his clothes again. He was probably just missing Sarah and the alcohol and JJ’s little episode was just clouding his judgement. 

It was nothing. It probably meant nothing.

* * *

JJ made sure to change back into his own clothes before he headed downstairs Monday morning. He hadn’t slept much the rest of the night after the whole…crying thing. JJ was getting pretty sick of crying in front of Topper and even more sick of being embarrassed of crying in front of Topper. Kie was always telling the guys that showing emotions wasn’t stupid but, waking up in Topper’s ginormous clothes and thinking about the pitiful way Topper had been holding him last night. Well, it all felt a bit stupid. 

JJ put a piece of bread into the toasted and paced around the island waiting for the little popping sound to chime. _Maybe the Thornton’s wouldn’t mind if he borrowed a few pieces of their extensive silver collection_

“Morning.”

_Pop!_

“Morning.”

“You, uh,” Topper began to ask as he lingered toward the fridge to peer at the nearly empty shelves inside, “You good?”

“Just peachy keen. Nothing gets me excited like a day full of learning.” Topper rolled his eyes, shut the fridge, and gravitated instead to the coffee pot. 

“Want any?”

“Nah, man. Caffeine rots your brain.”

“So does nicotine.” 

“Thank you for the concern, but I am actually quite satisfied with my nicotine plan and do not plan on canceling my subscription anytime soon.” 

“Alright, princess.” Topper set the pot to brew. 

“There’s really no need for that nickname to stick.”

“Don’t like it?”

“It’s a bit degrading, don’t you think. Not being a very good feminist.”

“You’re not a female.”

“My point exactly. Now, I’ve gotta bounce or I’m gonna be late for that riveting lecture on Geometry.” 

“Wait,” Topper called and JJ took a bite of toast and slipped into his boots. “I can give you a ride, you don’t need to walk.”

“There is a bus that actually takes people back and forth to school. It’s yay big and orange, you really can’t miss it.” Topper poured his coffee into a tumbler and rolled his eyes. Topper’s annoyance brought a smile to JJ’s face but he hid it as he finished off his breakfast. 

“Don’t you need like your backpack and books and shit?”

“Not necessary.”

“Then it’s even more ridiculous that you don’t just ride with me since I’m leaving now anyway.” 

“Well except for the fact that I’m embarrassed to be seen with you.” JJ wasn’t sure how much he really meant it but Topper’s smirk was knocked right off his face. It didn’t like as much of a victory as he thought it would. 

“I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.” 

“I’m sorry, bro. I didn’t mean it, we just have this electric little rapport and I was just bouncing the ball back to you,” JJ covered, motioning his arms like a tennis racket. “Bop,” he chimed in as he pretended to hit the ball. 

“For the record, JJ. I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you.” Topper didn’t pretend to hit the ball back to JJ and instead grabbed his keys from the glass bowl by the door and walked down the porch to his car. “Lock the door on your way out.” 

“I’m sorry, Topper. Really.” 

“Just get in the car before you dirty your beautifully washed shorts when you’re down on your knees.”

“Huh?”

“Begging for a ride.”

“Oh, yeah, that. Thanks.” 

“My pleasure.”

* * *

“So I heard a rumor about you in free period,” Kie prodded from the seat behind JJ in US history. 

“You know how I live for gossip, Kiara.” 

“Shut up. Did you actually drive to school with Topper? Like piece of shit, pushed-John-B-off-a-building Topper?”

JJ didn’t say anything, unsure how to say it without making Kie ignite into flames. So he took some notes and apparently that gave it away to her. Probably should’ve gone with a more believable lie then. 

“JJ! What the hell?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Wait a minute.”

“Just drop it, Kie. Seriously.”

“Is he the _friend_ you’re crashing with?”

“Kiara!”

“JJ!”

“Kiara? JJ? Something you’d like to share with the class?” Mrs. Gaines asked from the whiteboard. Both shook their heads but Kie continued to prod her pencil against JJ’s back. 

“Topper?” she whispered this time. “I mean, why? How? And then back to why? He’s the worst.”

“He’s not the worst. Rafe’s the worst.” 

“Rafe is the devil but Topper is spawn of Satan, making him just as much the worst!” 

“I think your exaggeration is showing, Kiara.” 

“Is he blackmailing you or something? Does he have something on you?”

“No, he’s not,” and then turning subtly to face her, “ _blackmailing_ me. I’m just crashing in his big, Kook-y mansion for a little while.” 

“How long?”

“I don’t know, Kie. A little while.” 

“He hasn’t hit you right? Because you can’t lie about that. If he’s hurting you-,”

“He’s not fucking hurting me. Okay? He’s not blackmailing me or manipulating me or anything fucking psychotic that you can think of. He’s just the only person who actually offered me a place to stay and he’s got air conditioning.” 

Kie bit down on her pencil and JJ turned back around so he was facing the front of the room. 

“Pope’s not going to be as chill about this as I’m being.”

“In what universe are you handling this well, Kie?”

“He and Rafe were the ones who jumped Pope, remember? You were there.” 

“He’s not that guy anymore.”

“Not that guy anymore? JJ it was like a month ago.”

“Kiara? JJ? Enough, or I’m giving you both a one-way ticket to the principal’s office. This is your final warning.” 

“Yes, Mrs. Gaines.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

“JJ?” Kiara whispered once the teacher had returned to her presentation. “Just be careful.” 

“Whatever, Kie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in three days? This fic is honestly really fun to write and to try and explore all the different character's points-of-view, so I hope you guys are liking that element to this story. The feedback has been so sweet and all of the comments have been making me so motivated to update quickly. That and the fact that there's not really anything better to do when you're quarantined. This chapter, as always, is a little bit of a mess but I'll go through and polish it up. Feel free to let me know if anything doesn't make sense! :)


	4. the one where they're officially friends

JJ was nervous for his first work shift at the Wreck for two reasons. One: he was already on thin ice with Mr. Carrera. And two: Kie was likely to continue her interrogation about his new roommate. 

Mr. Carrera had him fill out a few forms, gave him an apron, and then sent him off to train with one of the other bust boys, so the first worry came and went. The job itself was simple, easy, and kept JJ moving. Table after table, JJ cleared the dishes, washed the tabletop, dry-toweled the seats, and slid the napkin holders back into place. Few people remained in the restaurant by the time JJ was out on the floor besides a few groups sipping on beers or spooning around desserts. Mostly, though, the Wreck had grown quiet and the waiters enjoyed a few minutes of faint chatter and resting against the host’s station before the closing responsibilities would begin. 

Kie was the honorary hostess of the Wreck—though she tended to help out wherever it was needed—and kept out of JJ’s space most of the night. That was, until the doors were locked and most of the employees headed out. Just JJ and two others were left to close up. Kie seemed to think it was the perfect time to ruin JJ’s night. 

“I just don’t get it,” she began from behind the counter as she unlocked the register drawer to begin counting up the cash. “Why did Topper invite you to live with him?” JJ shrugged, but Kie wasn’t paying him any attention, instead mouthing her counts of quarters and nickels. 

“Well, I sort of ran into him in the middle of the night and I may have been a tad bit drunk.”

“Ran into him how?”

“Not him, per se, more like his boat.”

“His boat? Were you just going for an evening swim?”

“No, Kie, his boat in his storage garage.”

“Oh, of course. That makes so much sense.” Kie looked up just to roll her eyes at him but JJ just scoffed and continued to mop the floors beneath all the tables and cars. “Why were you in his boat garage?”

“Because I needed a boat.”

“You needed _Topper’s_ boat?”

“I didn’t _know_ it was Topper’s boat, Kiara.”

“What a coincidence then. That it was.”

“Stop being so passive aggressive and just ask me what you clearly want to.”

“Do you like him?”

“Sure, he’s actually a decent guy.”

“No, JJ,” she said more firmly, setting the money down and looking directly into JJ’s eyes. “Do you like him, like him?”

“What?”

“You told me to ask!”

“That’s what you were thinking?”

“It makes sense to me.”

“Feel free to enlighten me on that logic.”

“Well, alright. So up until this incident in the boat garage you have always hated Topper, we’ve all hated Topper—because he’s an ass—and Topper has likewise hated us. Then you get drunk and break into his boat and instead of getting you arrested he asks you to move in with him. And you say…yes?”

“Still not connecting the dots here, Kie.”

“Why else would you voluntarily be living with a Kook, JJ? Care to enlighten me on that one?”

“I already told you. Nobody else has offered.”

“JJ.”

“No, Kie. You can go around acting like so much is beneath you, but that’s because you have a place to stand. I don’t have a fucking place to stand, so I have to take what I can get.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do! I’m just worried, okay?”

“Worrying won’t put a roof over my head, now will it?”

“I guess not. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I was never mad at you for it.”

“Good. That’s good.” She went back to counting her money and JJ back to his mop for a few minutes, maybe even ten. “You never answered my question.” 

“I don’t know, Kie,” JJ admitted softly, plopping the mop down into the bucket of water and surveying the floor. “I like girls, though.”

“It’s okay to not know. And, you can like both. It’s not like you have to choose.” 

“There’s gay and there’s straight.”

“And like a million other sexualities too. Like me.”

“Wait, what?”

“I mean, I don’t try to hide it so I kind of figured you knew already.” JJ drew his eyes away from the floor to watch Kie as she tucked all the cash into an envelope. “I’m pan. So I like everybody: men, women, non-binary, and everything else under the sun.” 

“I didn’t know that.” 

“Well, now you do. Do you have a problem with it?”

“No! No, Kie, I promise I don’t. I’m, uh, glad you told me about that.”

“Good. Glad to help.” And then she hopped off the stool and took the money into the backroom to place it in the safe. JJ wheeled the bucket and the mop back to the supply closet and finished up closing silently, the other two coworkers in a debate over Marvel movies as they locked the doors behind them when everybody left. 

Kie had a cheeky grin plastered across her face when she saw a Range Rover parked in the lot with its headlights on. JJ had tried to convince Topper he was fine walking home but the guy had insisted on coming. 

“He came to pick you up,” she cooed. JJ just waved his hand in a flinging motion over his head in a mix of _whatever_ and _goodbye_. “Don’t forget to wash that apron before you next shift on Thursday!”

Getting into the car, JJ buckled up and changed the radio away from Top 40’s. 

“Fun night?”

“It wasn’t too bad.”

Topper seemed content with the quiet and the two boys silently listened to the radio for the rest of the drive home. _Home_ , as in Topper’s house, of course. JJ kept his eyes glued to the road, to the lights dazed behind blinds, and the shadows between the trees. Anything but Topper. 

_Maybe he did like Topper. Maybe he wasn’t completely straight. Maybe he just craved having somebody around, having a place to stay. Maybe he was just going through something. It could pass. It might not pass. He might actually have a thing for Topper. That couldn’t be good._

“You eat?” Topper asked his favorite question as they pulled into the garage. 

“No, not yet.” 

“I didn’t go to the store yet, so I just ordered a pizza. There’s still some left in the fridge.” They climbed out of the car and made their way in through the mud room and into the kitchen. The lights were mostly off but a dim hallway light illuminated the room just enough for JJ to see Topper’s outline. He surely wasn’t an ugly guy. 

“You know where everything is. So, uh, if you need anything just text me or something.”

“I don’t think I actually have your phone number?”

“Oh, well you should. I mean, if you ever get locked out or something.” JJ wondered how long Topper planned on JJ staying. 

“Yeah, okay.” JJ handed Topper his phone.

“How do I get to contacts in this thing?” JJ’s phone was decades behind the latest smartphone, but he hardly used it so it didn’t really matter. “Actually, why don’t you just put your number in mine and I’ll text you.” Topper handed JJ his phone and JJ typed his information in. 

“There, all done.”

“Sweet. Night, man.”

“Goodnight, Topper.” Topper smiled from the doorway before heading down the hall and some sort of warmth seemed to spread across the room to JJ because his hands felt a little clammy, the ceiling short. _Maybe Kie was on to something_.

* * *

There were a few more times that week when JJ wondered why Kie might think he liked Topper—likes Topper. Mostly JJ just hung out around the Cut, around the Wreck. He tried to not spend every waking moment at Topper’s house but is sofa was really comfortable and he had like every streaming service ever.

“You’ve never seen the Office? Like not even a scene when you were flipping through the channels.”

“I don’t really have a tv, so I’m big into channel surfing.”

“Wow, damn. Okay then, we’ll start it now,” Topper declared Friday night. The sun would be setting soon and JJ wondered if Topper was planning on going out that night. If Topper would notice that JJ didn’t have anywhere to go. It was date night for Kie and Pope and, considering the fact he had no other friends, he had nothing better to do. “Should I make popcorn.”

“Yeah, sure.” 

“I’ll be right back.”

While Topper was busying himself in the kitchen JJ sunk into the corner of the sofa—easily the coziest, most wonderful place JJ had ever sat in his life—and drew the throw blanket around him. Topper returned momentarily and sat down in the middle of the sofa, not that far from JJ but also not quite beside him. He set the bowl between them. 

“So, it may seem a little weird at first but after a few episodes you’ll get used it, the camera cuts and pans and stuff. It gets so much better after season one.” Topper couldn’t stop smiling as he explained and JJ couldn’t quite tear away his gaze as the first episode began to play. 

It was okay. Not the worst, but a bit strange, like Topper had warned. Luckily, JJ was thoroughly exhausted from the week and so he didn’t care too much. The sofa was like a cloud, the room was chilled from the air conditioning, and Topper’s sweatpants were extremely comfortable. JJ wondered if he might fall asleep. He sat up a bit to keep himself awake. He tried to zone in on the constant commentary falling off Topper’s lips. Every so often he’d hum in reply or shift his position. 

“You okay?” 

JJ looked across the couch at Topper. He even sat like an asshole, his legs sprawled out on the coffee table and one arm—the arm closer to JJ, if he was noticing—was drawn over the back of the couch. 

“Fine. Why?”

“You’re just quiet.”

“I can’t be quiet?”

“No, you can! It’s just, well, you’re not normally quiet.”

“I can be quiet sometimes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Just a lot I don’t know about you.”

“What do you want to know.” Topper tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth and chewed on it as he thought. JJ watched him, his energy suddenly returning to him with the conversation. 

“Well, do you own any other clothes?”

“Hey! My clothes are perfectly fine.”

“That explains why you’ve spent all week in mine then.”

JJ tugged at the sleeves of the crewneck he’d snagged from Topper at some point during the week. John B was always calling him a kleptomaniac when he’d steal John B’s clothes. 

“Don’t worry, it’s cute. What about all your school stuff or like any of your stuff. Don’t you want to bring some of that here if you’re gonna stay.”

 _It’s cute?_

“I don’t know,” JJ shrugged, cheeks a bit flushed. He hadn’t really thought much about bringing his stuff to Topper’s house. “How long am I gonna stay?”

“You can’t go home, right?” _Can’t,_ that seemed like a strong word. Maybe a bit harsh. 

“I mean, not right now, at least.”

“But if your old man’s there, you can’t go back. I mean, shouldn’t.”

“What, so I’m just gonna live with you and mooch off you to avoid some scrapes and bruises.”

“I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t mean it.”

“I still don’t really understand why you’re offering.”

“Well, I am. And if you want I can go with you, to get your stuff.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it.”

“You don’t want to see my house, or meet my dad.”

“Then let me get you some clothes or like at least a fucking toothbrush.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Then we’ll go to your house and get your stuff. Tomorrow. It’s settled.” 

_Was it settled, though?_ JJ was too tired to argue. He sunk back into the couch, reached for another handful of popcorn.

* * *

“Just take a right here. And then it’s going to be on the left, behind those trees.” 

“This one?”

“That’s it.” 

“You want some help?”

“No! You just wait right here and don’t, for any reason, come inside. I won’t be more than five minutes.” 

“Okey dokey, then.” 

Topper waited, turning off the car and putting down the windows as JJ ventured into what looked like a disaster zone. The front door was wide open upon arrival, trash littered the yard, and one of the windows looked to have been blown out and was now covered by a tarp that hung on by a single piece of duct tape. Topper wondered if he should just follow JJ in anyway, just in case. 

He stayed put though. For a minute, and then another, and another. When four minutes hit, he started to really consider just getting out of the car and heading in. And then there was a loud crash and Topper was darting out of the car before he could even register what was happening. 

Straight through the front door was an entry way and then a kitchen—with more piled up dirty dishes than Topper had ever seen in his life. Finally, he found JJ’s room where JJ looked to be wrestling a fallen shelf in his closet. 

“Shit. I told you to stay the fuck out.”

“I just heard this loud crash and I thought-,”

“Go. Please, just go outside now before he wakes up. Please.” JJ’s eyes were wide and wet and the hand holding his duffel had started to shake. Topper couldn’t leave. 

He reached into the closet and pulled out a shirt. 

“This one?” JJ nodded and Topper tossed it into the duffel. “What about this?”

“Too small,” he sniffled, a tear leaking down his cheek. Topper reached an arm out and JJ took a step back, looking around like he had just noticed where he was. “I need, uh, I need my wetsuit.”

“Where is that?”

“I don’t know.” And then his breath began to hitch and Topper could sense the avalanche was upon them. He reached out again and this time JJ let his hands come up to his shoulders. JJ took a deep breath, let more tears fall, and then dropped his duffel. “It’s on my shelf.” 

Topper raised a hand to cup his cheek and nodded. “Okay, I’ll get it. What else?”

“I got some clothes already.” JJ had managed to calm himself down enough to stop crying but his hands were still shaky and Topper was really glad he had come inside. JJ led him into the bathroom and they loaded up his toothbrush, toothpaste, and a razor. Topper noticed the old man asleep on the couch but tried to keep his focus on JJ and what they needed to get. After a few minutes of rummaging, JJ seemed to believe they had everything of importance. The duffel was so small. 

“Let’s go before he wakes up,” JJ said softly, his voice still quite shaky. Topper was now carrying the bag and just nodded, following JJ out the door and back to the car. Topper tossed the bag into the backseat and, when he took his own spot upfront, he noticed how JJ’s head fallen into his hands. 

This new comfort level between them was still rather blurred and Topper wasn’t sure what he was and wasn’t allowed to do. What was okay and what wasn’t. But Topper was a touchy-feely guy so he reached out and put a hand on JJ’s shoulder. JJ let him, took a deep breath, and let his hands go. 

“I’m sorry, about all that. And that you had to come here.” 

“Hey, it’s cool. You don’t have to be sorry about that.”

“It’s fucking embarrassing.” 

“Not the first time I’ve seen you cry.”

“You don’t have to remind me.”

“Really, JJ, it’s okay. I don’t care.”

“Being in that house, I just thought…” JJ trailed off and Topper wasn’t sure if he should respond or not so he just started the car. “The boat John B and Sarah were on, it was my dad’s.”

“Oh, shit.”

“That’s why I haven’t gone home.”

“That was over a month ago, dude. Have you been staying with anybody or just?”

“Or just.”

“Stay with me.”

“I already am staying with you, man.”

“No, I mean, you’re staying with me now. Indefinitely. That okay?”

They had pulled off JJ’s street now and Topper finally looked off the road and back over to JJ. He was wearing Topper’s sweatshirt—even though it was eighty degrees outside. JJ nodded. 

“Thanks, for all of this.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, it’s too much.”

“It’s nothing, JJ. But, I’m happy to. It’s really nice to have somebody else around the house, especially a friend.”

“A friend?”

“I think we’re friends now, yeah?’

“Friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit shorter chapter, but I am starting to come up with some more big-picture ideas for where this story may head and I'm trying to get a bit of the foundation down for it. Hence, the new tags... Hope you enjoy and, again, thank you all so, so much for the comments and positive feedback! :)


	5. the one where the pogues get very drunk

“I just don’t see why I have to be supportive.”

“Because, babe, he’s going through a hard time right now and we are his best friends.”

“We’re all going through a hard time right now, Kie. That doesn’t excuse JJ being friends with that dick.”

“I don’t like it any more than you do. But I also can’t give JJ a place to stay. My dad barely wants JJ working at the Wreck, but to house him? He’d never go for it.”

“My parents are so worried about money now that I’ve blown my scholarship. I can’t give them another mouth to feed.”

“I know, I get it.”

“I still feel like a shitty friend, though.”

“Me too.” 

Pope swung their interlocked hands gently between them and gave Kie’s a squeeze in reassurance. They’d just have to be shitty friends together. 

“We’re not going to have to start hanging out with Topper, are we?”

“I don’t think we have to. I mean, JJ sees enough of him all day. I highly doubt they need to spend even more time together.”

“Yeah, that’s a nicer way of putting it.”

“Look, we both know Topper sucks. But let’s just try not to say anything bad about him tonight. Last time I did, JJ got all defensive.”

“Defensive of Topper?”

“Yes, Pope. And it’s that connotation that’s gonna set JJ off.”

Pope stopped, the hand in Kie’s bringing her to a stop as well. 

“Why do we have to pretend to like Topper? Or even just pretend we respect the guy. I love JJ just as much as you do, but Topper is a condescending, elitist, jerk who almost killed John B like multiple times.”

Kie reached her arms out to hold onto Pope’s arms and held firmly, staring him straight in the eye. Her eyes were so beautiful, a soft brown with little flecks of sparkle around her pupils. _Focus, Pope._

“Do what you want, okay? I won’t try to stop you from telling JJ what a terrible guy Topper is. I agree. But I’ve lost way too many friends and I really don’t want to lose any more.”

“Even if it means compromising your morals? You’re always the one telling us to stand up for what we believe in. And I believe Topper is a dick.”

“I know, Pope. Do what you want. I’m gonna just let it slide for a little while.” Kie pulled away from Pope and continued walking down the dock to the HMS Pogue. Pope waited a minute, stuck in his step and trying to remember all the things he loved about JJ. Tried to remember how much he had cried over losing John B. How shitty it had been when Kie ditched the Pogues for her Kook year. 

Pope ran after Kie, sliding their fingers together once again. 

“Just for today,” he declared as he helped Kie step down into the boat. 

“Just for today, then. Now, nobody ever lets me drive and I want a turn.”

“No, no! If you drive we’re drowning alongside the Royal Merchant.”

That comment granted him a slap on the arm. 

“Hey!”

“Kie, you’re smart and strong and beautiful, but you are an absolutely horrifying driver.”

“It’s a boat, not a car.”

“I know. You’re an even worse boat driver, babe.” 

Kie darted onto the seat and tried to scooch Pope off using her hips. Quickly, Pope planted his feet below and wrestled against Kie’s limbs until she was practically sitting in his lap. And then suddenly Kie was sitting in his lap and all Pope could smell was blueberries and coconuts and her skin was so soft. And she was his girlfriend anyway. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. 

“Don’t try and distract me. It won’t work.”

Pope would do just about anything Kiara asked him to do. That was for sure.

* * *

JJ waited at the end of the main dock in the Cut. Pope and Kie were going to meet him soon and they were going to resurrect the old tradition of breaking into some Kook real estate and get high. JJ sat with his legs dangling over the edge of the dock, watching as the gentle waves rippled back and forth like perfect clockwork. A few boats were docked but few were out on the water. Almost everybody on the island was tucked away in a restaurant or hidden in their homes. 

His phone chimed and JJ opened it to see a text from Topper. The only person who would actually text JJ since the Pogues were on a strict in-person contact only with the occasional phone call exception in an emergency. Partly by choice and partly by lack of decent reception or internet access.

_Let me know when I can give you a ride. I’m going to be out anyway, so don’t try and tell me you’re going to walk._

Topper’s text gave JJ that squiggly, curvy, gurgle-y feeling in stomach he usually only encountered after a few too many beers. Something about Topper was giving him that feeling a lot lately. JJ tried not to think about what that feeling actually meant.

“JJ!”

Sure enough, Pope and Kie were headed toward him. Pope stood waving and Kiara slammed the HMS Pogues into the side of the dock, causing JJ to lose his balance and almost fall to the water down below. 

“The hell?”

“I tried, man,” Pope chuckled and JJ leapt into the boat beside him. “It’s been a while.”

“It’s been a week.”

“I missed you, okay?”

“Don’t worry, Pope-y. I missed you too.” JJ stuck a hand out on Pope’s shoulder and then made himself comfortable on the back platform of the boat, grabbing a beer out of the cooler. 

“Don’t drink it all before we get to the house.”

“But I want to get white-girl wasted tonight.”

“Nobody wants that,” Kie chimed in as she hit a sharp corner. Pope had to sit down to keep from falling off the boat but neither boy dared say a word to Kie about it. 

“I heard Mitch is hosting the first real party of the school year.”

“House party or Boneyards?”

“House party. And his folks have a working generator, so it might actually be worth checking out.”

“We’ll do more than just check it out. Friday?”

“Yeah, dude.”

“Shit, I think I work Friday.”

“You could try and find somebody to cover, but I highly doubt anybody would want your Friday night close,” Kie offered. 

“That’s okay. I wouldn’t want to third wheel all night anyway.”

“You mean, like you’re doing right now,” Pope teased and JJ just rolled his eyes and took another sip of his beer.

“It’s not third wheeling when it’s just the three of us.”

“Actually, I think it’s even more of a third wheel situation.”

“Nope. Definitely not. This is normal. This is Pogue style. 

“Hell yeah, it is!” Kie cheered, speeding up the boat momentarily so Pope and JJ had to hold on to keep upright. She giggled and slowed back down as she approached the edge of the house’s lot. 

The three secured the boat to some of the exposed roots and hauled the cooler off and onto the deck of the house. It was a big house, but somehow it didn’t seem as ridiculously mammoth now that JJ was living in a Kook house himself. It was a little silly looking, though, with half the walls missing and tarps having over the windows. A hybrid of sorts between Pogue and Kook. A bit like JJ’s life right now. 

The night felt too nostalgic of the beginning of the summer, too whole in a place that was so hollow. Missing windows, missing floor tiles. Missing John B. 

JJ stole that image from his mind and tucked it away into his brain’s filing cabinets where he kept all the painful memories. If he could, he’d lock them up with a key and bury it so deep that even couldn’t find it. If he could, he’d erase all those memories so they didn’t hurt so bad. They’d play like scenes of a movie and JJ could watch in blissful ignorance, without the memory of bruises, tears, and shipwrecks. 

“We should make a movie,” JJ thought aloud when he was finished with her first joint, watching as Kie rolled another. 

“We’re too boring to be in a movie,” Pope whined, the alcohol and weed making his arms flail a bit when he spoke as if he was made of Jell-O. People would be so funny made out of Jell-O.

“We’re not making a movie about Jell-O people,” Kie chimed suddenly. _Oops, maybe he’d been thinking everything out loud._

“We could make a movie about the Royal Merchant. Take that underwater camera and do like CGI and stuff so it looks like we’re living on it. Like the Titanic!”

“Yeah, yeah! And we could make it a musical but like all the music is just Kie freestyling.”

“It’s going to be my big break, boys.”

Pope passed him the new joint and JJ took a deep inhale, relaxing onto the wooden deck below. Kie tucked herself under Pope’s arm and sunk against him. The floor was probably far less comfortable than a person. 

“What?”

“What?”

“You want to cuddle with us too?” _Oh, thinking aloud again._

“Already told you, I don’t wanna third wheel here.”

“Okay, man. Suit yourself, but Pope is a really comfy pillow.” 

“I’m a very toned, firm pillow.”

“Hmm. Sure, babe.”

JJ could hear them kiss but kept his vision directed up at the sky. Things used to feel so much lighter, easier when John B was there. All the Pogues had a place and the four of them balanced each other out. 

“I miss JB.”

“Me too.”

“Same.”

The sky was too overcast for the stars to really show. The air was too humid for JJ’s breath to flow easily. It had gotten pretty late, they’d been out on the deck for hours. JJ dug his phone out of his pocket to send Topper a text. 

“Who ya texting there?” Kie grinned, reaching out sloppily toward the phone. JJ swatted her hand away. 

“Nobody.”

“Topper?”

JJ didn’t respond and, as the overly intuitive girl she was, Kie seemed to have her answer. She was too tipsy to back off though and instead kept prodding. 

“Just needed to text your new bestie in the middle of our Pogue time?”

JJ tensed. Her tone was playful but her words made his spine stiff. 

“He’s not my new best friend. You idiots will always be my number one.”

“I think we’re number two,” Pope slurred, sticking up three fingers and Kiara giggled. 

“You guys good to get back home or do you want to hitch a ride with me and Topper?”

Pope let out a groan and Kie continued to giggle. They were a lot drunker than JJ. He gave Topper the location and, almost instantly, Topper sent a text that he was headed over. 

“I don’t wanna,” Pope whined and Kie shushed him, clearly trying to whisper but her voice echoed through the empty house and off onto the water. 

“We have to, babe. I can’t even remember where the Pogue is.”

“But they’re gonna find it in the morning when they show up to build this Kook house.”

 _Shit_ , JJ hadn’t thought of that. 

“Where are the keys?”

“Kie’s right here,” Pope declared proudly, pulling Kie closer to his chest. 

“Here I am,” she sung happily. 

“The keys to the boat, Kiara.”

“Well, silly, those are in my pocket.”

“Can you get them for me, please?”

“Sure, I just need to, uh,” Kie muttered, reaching her hands around until they found Pope’s hoodie’s pocket. “Oof. That’s not my pocket.” 

The two erupted in laughter and JJ wished he’d had one less beer or a few less hits of the joint so the world wasn’t so fuzzy. 

“Here you go!” Kie exclaimed, holding out to JJ what was in fact the keys to the HMS Pogue. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere, just stay right here,” JJ explained as light suddenly poured through the house’s empty window frames and out to the dock. Topper was here. He might know what to do. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back!”

Pope stuck a thumbs up into the air for JJ and then pressed a kiss on Kie’s lips. 

“Hey, man,” Topper called through the open window of his car as it sat in the driveway. JJ jogged over to him so he didn’t have to yell and draw even more attention to the fact they were trespassing. 

“I need your help.”

“Okay, with that?” Topper asked, turning off the engine and sliding out of the driver’s seat. 

“Pope and Kie are completely gone and we took a boat out here and I don’t know what to do and I might be a little bit drunk too, but I can’t really tell.”

“Yeah, okay. It’s fine, I’ll just drive them home or they can crash at mine.”

“But the boat! They can’t find it here tomorrow morning because it’s John B’s boat and they’ll confiscate it.”

“Slow down. It’s going to be fine. We’ll just hide the boat nearby and come back for it in the morning.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Do you need me to do it?” JJ just nodded, looking back to see if Pope and Kie were still on the back deck. “Okay, you get Pope and Kie in the car and I’ll go move the boat.”

“Okay, I can do that.” 

Getting Pope and Kiara to even stand up took a lot more effort than JJ had anticipated but, after what felt like hours, he was eventually able to lure them into the backseat of Topper’s car. Just a few seconds later, Topper was back and starting up the engine. Or maybe it was a lot later, JJ was too faded to really tell.

“We’re in Topper’s car!” Pope declared when Topper had been driving for a good five minutes. “Shit, Kie!”

“We are. Oh my god.”

“This car costs more than my house.”

“This car smells like cheese.”

“It’s the fancy cheese. What’s it called? Brie?”

“It’s Brie!”

JJ was quiet, enjoying listening to Pope and Kiara make fools of themselves as they hung over each other in the back seat. Every few comments JJ would look over at Topper and see him rolling his eyes. JJ couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or amused. 

“Can I take you two home?” Topper asked. 

“Us?” Kie asked, attempting to point to herself but pointing forward to JJ and Topper. 

“Yes, you. Can you go home or will your parents be pissed?”

“My dad’s always pissed,” Pope announced. 

“S’ true,” JJ seconded. 

“He’s a very nice man,” Kie reassured, voice teetering on the edge of a burp. 

“Is that a no or a yes?”

“Where else would we even go?” Pope asked, twirling Kie’s hair between his fingers. 

“You can crash with me if you need to.”

“A sleepover at Topper’s house!” cheered Kie. 

“No, no sleepover,” Pope insisted. 

“Come on babe, it’ll be so fun. And then your dad won’t flip!”

“He’ll flip if I don’t come home tonight.”

“So, just tell him you’re staying with a friend,” JJ suggested. Topper smiled over at him and JJ turned his attention back to the road to hide his flushed cheeks. _The car was warm. It was just the alcohol making his cheeks rosy._

“That’s smart. I’ll text him now.”

“Let me spellcheck it for you.”

“No, Kie, that’s what auto-correct is for.”

“But you’re drunk, babe.”

“Just a little.”

Kie and Pope continued to giggle over the texts they crafted to their parents as Topper said, in a quiet tone just for JJ, “We should get them some water.”

“They need a whole bathtub’s worth of water to sober up now.” That made Topper laugh and JJ couldn’t help but chuckle too. 

They had made it home and Topper pulled the car into the garage before helping JJ lead Kie and Pope into the house. 

“Where’s the other guest room?” JJ asked. 

“There’s just the one. Maybe they could sleep on the couches?”

“You told me you had like five guest rooms, bro, I swear.”

“I was exaggerating. We just have one and it’s currently occupied.” 

“They can stay in there. They shouldn’t have to sleep on the couches.” 

“I think they’ll manage just fine.”

“Whatever you say, chief,” JJ complied, setting Kie down on the couch and grabbing a throw blanket to throw across her. Topper guided Pope to the other leg of the sectional and set a throw pillow under his head. 

“I’ll go get them some water,” Topper announced, heading out of the living room and into the kitchen. 

“JJ,” Kie whispered, already half asleep. Pope had begun to snore. “Come ‘ere.” JJ crouched down beside her. “Closer.”

“What is it, Kiara?”

“He’s actually pretty cute,” she whispered and then giggled to herself as Topper returned to the room with two glasses of water. JJ took one and handed it to Kie, pressing the brim to her lips. 

“Drink some of this before you fall asleep, okay?”

“Is that vodka?”

“Whatever you want it to be.”

“S’ my lucky day.”

“Goodnight, Kie.” 

Topper was waiting in the doorway, watching as JJ pulled the blanket around Kie’s shoulders and then did the same with Pope’s. He knew what it was like to wake up to air conditioning after spending all summer without it. They were bound to get cold.

Topper held out a third glass in JJ’s direction once JJ had shut off the lights and met Topper in the hallway. 

“You good?” 

JJ nodded and drank the entire glass in one breath. 

“Thanks for letting them stay.”

“What are friends for?”

“Sorry they were making fun of your car.”

“They’re drunk, it doesn’t matter.”

“Sorry you had to babysit tonight.”

“You can stop apologizing now, JJ. I’m not mad about any of it. I know I’ve been a dick to Pope in the past.” 

JJ didn’t know how to respond to that so he just shrugged and began to head upstairs to the guest room. Topper followed not far behind. He lingered in the doorway as JJ stumbled into bed. 

“M’ not drunk,” JJ promised, stripping off his shirt and grabbing Topper’s sweatshirt on the floor and tugging it down over his head. It was so soft. 

“Just checking in.”

“I need to take off my pants now, so unless you want to stay for the show I insist you hop along to bed.” 

“Goodnight, JJ.”

“Goodnight, Topper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, this chapter is un-beta'd a bit of a hot mess but I hope you all still enjoy it! Thanks so much for the constant support, it really means so much to me to see you guys continuing to leave comments and kudos. I'm trying to figure out some pacing details now that I've changed this to Topper/JJ, so bare with me for a bit. I definitely want to bring home John B and Sarah but I want give the story a little more progression before I do so, so just be patient if you (like me) have missed those two goofs. I don't know if I will be posting a new chapter every single day like I have been, but at least for now I have a lot of momentum and inspiration for this fic, so we’ll see about that :)


	6. the one where kie gets the call

JJ woke to a buzzing headache Monday morning, his toes cold from spending the night poking out the duvet. He shut off the alarm clock on the nightstand and dragged his heavy legs into the bathroom to relive himself and then down to the kitchen to find every last drop of coffee possible. If JJ could take caffeine through an IV, he would’ve happily done so that morning. 

As the annoyingly early bird he was, Topper was already in the kitchen eating his breakfast. Pope was up to and quietly munching on a piece of toast as he scribbled something down on his homework. 

“Morning,” Topper hummed and Pope looked up to see who had entered the room. Pope looked away just as quickly—probably disappointed it wasn’t Kie entering the kitchen—but Topper’s eyes lingered a little longer, observing JJ up and down. _The clothes._ Usually JJ would have changed by the time he came down for breakfast. Usually JJ didn’t have his own pajamas to wear at night. A bit fluster, JJ made a break for the pantry. 

When JJ made his way back to the kitchen Topper and Pope were surprisingly… _talking to each other? Calmly. Conversing casually?_ JJ wondered if he was hallucinating but Pope continued on about the possibility of a storm that night. 

“I parked your boat on Kelce’s dock, so after school lets out you might want to get it out of the water.”

“Thanks for that, man.”

JJ wiped his eyes, maybe he needed glasses. Come to think of it, the last time JJ had gotten his vision checked was in elementary school during one of those mandatory health screenings. Nothing else in the room was fuzzy. 

“…and thanks for letting Kie and I crash last night. Seriously, I owe you one.”

“It’s not a big-,”

“Guys!” came a screeching interruption from the living room. Pope was bolting out of his chair, JJ right behind him, dashing to get to Kie. 

She was sitting on the couch, hair going this way and that from sleep, with her phone resting on her trembling hand, skin paler than a ghost. 

“What happened?”

“You okay?”

“It’s uh,” she started, shaking her head as if to snap herself out of a trance. She clutched the phone to her chest and then tears began to stream down her cheeks. “It was a voicemail.”

Pope sat down beside her on the couch, locking her other hand in his. Topper had entered the room as well and looked uncertainly to JJ. 

“A voicemail from who?”

Kie looked up at them a moment and then pulled her phone away from her chest and let out a shaky breath. And then she grinned.

“John B and Sarah.”

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“Are you serious?”

Kie nodded as more tears began to fall and Pope wrapped his arms around her. 

“They’re alive! They’re not dead.”

Before the train could run JJ right over, he felt a warmth grazing his skin and he floated for a moment in the middle of the living room watching as the events transpired in slow motion. Kie was practically sobbing as Pope clung to her, wet eyes as well. And JJ was surrounded by pale skin and pastels and realized Topper was hugging him. Topper set JJ back down on his feet and took a sudden step back. 

“They’re alive!” he exclaimed and all JJ could do was watch. Topper had tears on his cheeks and everybody seemed to be processing this but JJ. Everybody else’s world was spinning in one direction while JJ’s spun in the other. 

_They were alive?_ Of course they were, JJ had been saying for months that they probably survived the storm and were headed to the Bahamas. _They were alive. All this time,_ and they were alive? John B and Sarah were alive.

* * *

Topper was seeing stars when Kiara let the news slip. His body moved without his brain guiding him and he was spinning JJ around the watery, chilly room. JJ was stiff in his hold and his eyes looked quite lost so Topper gave him some space when he set him down. 

“They’re alive,” he said as if to convince himself he could believe it. Images of Sarah running down the terminal of the airport, climbing off a boat and racing down a dock, of holding her once again played like a whirlwind in his mind. And then John B entered the whirlwind and then JJ was there too and Topper ran his hands down his face. 

“JB’s alive?” JJ asked, voice quiet and completely unsure. Kiara nodded furiously against Pope and the guy just latched onto her even tighter. “Where is he? How is he? How is he alive?”

Kiara wiped her wet eyes on her sleeve and Topper took a seat on the sofa so he didn’t fall over. JJ sat beside him, close enough they were practically touching. 

“They didn’t say much but Sarah said they’re coming home.”

“Shit.”

“Did they say when?” asked JJ. 

“Tomorrow, actually.”

“Wow.”

All the once the four were silent, all seated on the sofas with hazy eyes and a thick and grimy tension seemed to coil around them like humid air on a spring day or like a garden snake. The feeling of JJ’s thigh pressing gently into the gravity of Topper’s own pulled him back into the present moment. Grounded him. 

“How?”

Kie just shrugged and shook her head.

“But John B’s still a fugitive. If the police catch him back in the OBX…” Pope pondered aloud. Kie and JJ just nodded but Topper wasn’t as quick to agree. 

“Sarah witnessed the entire thing. She’ll tell the truth.”

“Topper,” Kie pressed softly, shaking her head. 

“She wouldn’t let Rafe get away with that. They’re not even close.”

“He’s her brother. Ward’s her dad.”

“Sarah’s a good person.”

“She hung me out to dry over way less and I was her best friend.”

“She loves John B too much to bring him back home just to get arrested,” JJ commented. Hearing it out loud sent a brick into the bottom of Topper’s stomach. John B had even admitted to Topper that he was in love with Sarah that night in Kelce’s bathroom. Hearing his best friend confirm it still felt a bit shocking though. But Topper couldn’t even blame the guy—it was hard not to fall in love with Sarah Cameron. 

“What can do?” asked JJ. 

“Go to school,” offered Pope.

“I think all we can do is wait, for now.”

JJ looked back to Topper with wide, inquisitive eyes as if he needed Topper to agree. It felt strange that JJ needed reassurance of any kind from him. Still something he was getting used to.

“I don’t think I can go to school today, guys,” Topper admitted. “I just. I don’t know, no. No, I can’t handle going to school today.”

“Well, I need a new scholarship, so I _have_ to go.”

“And if I didn’t come home last night and get a call home for ditching, my parents won’t let me out of their sight to even see John B and Sarah tomorrow.” 

“So go then. Top and I will ditch and figure out our next move,” JJ stated, nodding to Topper for the go-ahead. _Top._

“We probably should head out then, right Kie? We’re already going to be a bit late.”

“Yeah, we should. Should I like send you two the notes or something?”

“I couldn’t care less about those notes Kie,” JJ teased as Topper simultaneously answered:

“That would be sick, thanks.”

“Whatever you want to do,” JJ added as Pope chuckled at the two of them. 

“Okay. I should change and then we need to go, babe.”

“I’m ready when you are.”

Pope and Kie both rose and began rushing this way and that looking for shoes and anything else they’d scattered throughout the room. 

“Do you need a ride?” Topper offered as they were about ready to leave. 

“I think we should be okay, but thanks, Topper. For helping us out,” Kie said kindly, warmly even. Topper didn’t know if Kie had ever smiled that genuinely at him. She shot a far more playful grin to JJ and then the two were out the door. 

Topper and JJ were still sitting side-by-side on the couch and JJ wasn’t moving so much as a muscle. 

“For somebody who just found out his best friend is alive, you don’t seem overly excited,” commented Topper, unsure of how well that was going to go over but having no idea how else to approach JJ’s stiff and solemn manner. 

“I’m happy.”

“You don’t sound so sure about that.”

“I’m excited to see John B, really.”

“Okay, I believe you. But maybe a little less thrilled about him actually coming home?”

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll just miss the air conditioning.”

Topper couldn’t help but hitch his breath at that comment. The weight of JJ beside him was suddenly very heavy and the morning light seemed to glow each and every blonde strand on his head. He wasn’t a bad looking dude. Not at all, actually. 

Topper couldn’t tell if that feeling was one of attraction or just an acknowledgement of beauty. _Beauty? Did he think JJ Maybank was a bit beautiful?_

“I’m not going to shut the AC off just because the lovebirds have flown back to their nest.”

Topper thought bringing back their banter might ease the tension in JJ’s spine but JJ didn’t laugh or even smile. He was just blankly staring across the living room and through the patio doors. And Topper couldn’t seem to drawn his glance away from the guy. 

Maybe touch would do it. Topper placed a gentle hand on JJ’s upper back. 

“I’m not going to kick you out, JJ. I don’t know what gave you that impression. But I actually really like having you around.”

JJ softened a bit. Whether it was from the statement or the touch, Topper couldn’t tell. 

Topper was usually much better at comforting people. He had learned a thing or two from all the years of comforting his mother after blowouts with his father. When he was dating Sarah he always knew what to say, how to bring her down off the ledge. With JJ everything he thought was right seemed irrelevant to JJ. There was so much unknown territory and Topper wasn’t sure if it was because of JJ’s abuse from his father or if it might be something else. 

Topper couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but JJ was both more and less guarded than anybody he had ever met. 

“Most of the time I live with John B.”

 _Oh._ Maybe JJ _wanted_ to move out. 

“But DCS and the police have taken over his house so I guess he can’t go back there. And that rules me out too then.” 

“Didn’t Sarah’s parents like adopt him?”

“You think he wants to live with fucking Rafe?” JJ sneered, finally turning to look at Topper. His eyes were absolutely wild. 

“I didn’t think about that. Shit. I mean, he could stay here.”

“Don’t go taking in every stray dog you find on the street.”

“I’m serious. Think about it,” Topper began, satisfied that the fog around JJ’s eyes was creeping away. “Sarah won’t want to go home either. And this is like the absolute last place the cops would ever suspect. Would you bring your boyfriend to hideaway in your ex’s house?”

“My boyfriend?”

“You know what I mean.”

There was a flush on JJ’s cheeks and Topper tried not to read into it. But maybe he read into it a little bit. JJ still hadn’t moved an inch. 

“It actually makes sense.” 

“Told ya.” 

“Maybe we should clean up a bit then?” JJ asked, looking around and Topper eyed the room himself. The house had already been quite messy but with a roommate and two house guests the place was pretty disgusting. 

“You want to ditch school to deep clean?”

“It’ll distract us. If nothing else.”

“I’m not gonna say no, man. If you help me it’s just fifty percent less cleaning that I have to do.”

“You seriously don’t want to put fifty percent of the cleaning on me. I’m a shit cleaner and your house will be disgusting if you let me do that much.” 

JJ was coming back down to the version of himself that Topper was comfortable with, that made sense. 

“I’m not cleaning your toilet, though. That’s all you.”

* * *

“So, are JJ and Topper, like…” insinuated Pope as he walked beside Kie toward the school. 

They had stopped by their houses along the way—which were luckily right on path—to grab their backpacks and managed to run into zero parents. The first half of their walk was a conversational tennis-match-like stagnant of _I can’t believe it, can you believe it_ ’s and _I can’t believe it either_ ’s. Back and forth, back and forth they seemed to get nowhere as they walked. Both unable to in fact, _believe it_. 

“Like?” Kie asked but Pope could tell that she knew just what he was asking. 

“Are they into each other?” It felt silly to even ask. He’d been one of JJ’s best friends for years and JJ had never so much as hinted to given a second look to a guy before. 

“I don’t know anything you don’t,” Kie answered vaguely enough that it made Pope annoyed. She could be like that sometimes, vague and philosophical when she had a secret she was dying to spill. It was only annoying because Pope was nosy and Kie always knew what was going on behind the scenes. 

“He was wearing Topper’s clothes.”

“JJ loves other people’s clothes. He wore John B’s stuff all the time.”

“Yeah, when he had nothing else and couldn’t go home. JJ told us he and Topper took a trip over to the Cut last week.” 

Kie shrugged, bit her lip, and began roaming her eyes around the trees that canopied the street. The school was only a few blocks away and if Pope couldn’t get Kie to spill now he would lose his only opportunity. 

“I can feel how badly you want to tell me right now, Kie.”

“There’s nothing for me to tell and if there was—which I’m not saying there is, don’t look so giddy—it wouldn’t be mine to tell anyway. I’m not stupid, I saw how JJ was acting around Topper. But it’s neither of our business until JJ would want it to be. And besides, it might all be nothing.”

“But it might not be nothing. I mean, Topper? Seriously? Sure, he helped us out last night and hasn’t been as much of an ass lately but it’s still Topper. He’s still a Kook!”

“Pope,” Kie softened, stopping in her step to look directly into Pope’s eyes. “I already told you. I don’t want to lose any more friends.”

“What about a boyfriend?”

“What?” 

_Oops. That one had gone to far. Now she was mad, mad._

“Tell me you didn’t just give me an ultimatum, Pope Heyward.”

“No, that’s not what I meant at all,” insisted Pope, trying his best to recover. “I just meant to say that you always take JJ’s side.”

“Pope!”

_Wrong again. Shit._

“Not that you always take his side. Just that lately you seem so worried about losing JJ that you forget what a dick Topper has been to me for like my entire life. Like way before we were even friends.”

Kie was quiet now, probably still pissed but at least listening. 

“That guy has been treating me like dirt since Kindergarten and, I get it, JJ can look past some of it so he has a place to stay. But I don’t want to start hanging out with Topper all the time. And I really don’t want my girlfriend constantly making me feel like the bad guy for feeling that way.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t listened to you and that I made you feel like I didn’t care how it all made you feel. But, Pope, I don’t want to lose any more friends. I don’t want to lose us.”

“Why can’t he just crash somewhere else?”

“He doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“I know.” They had begun walking again and Pope finally felt comfortable enough once again to loop their fingers together between their strides. “I just need some time to get used to it. Clearly JJ sees something in him.” 

“That’s really big of you to say.”

“Anyway, we have much bigger fish to fry. I still can’t believe it.”

“Neither can I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's another somewhat shorter chapter. I had actually written this entire one out so that John B and Sarah were going to come home at a later chapter but I'm just ready for them to be home and it's fun to spice things up again now that the Pogues are finally getting more accepting of Topper. Things can't start going well without something coming in and ruining everything, that's just storytelling 101 my lovelies. Anywaayyyy, thanks again for the comments, you are all just the best and I wish I could give you all some cookies but all I can give you is this hot mess of a chapter. Enjoy <3


	7. the one where john b and sarah come home

It was all a bit of a blur, the afternoon of John B and Sarah’s return. Sarah had been picturing the very moment since she had told John B to drive straight into the storm. Images of running down the dock and spinning Wheezie around, of smelling her mother’s Chanel perfume, of opening her bedroom door to see nothing had changed. But when the moment came, Sarah could only watch from the bus station as John B’s friends flocked to his side and she faded further and further into the background. 

Kie was too preoccupied with John B to even notice Sarah lingering behind him. Not that Sarah could really blame Kie, for how abruptly Sarah had pushed her away freshman year. None of it surprised Sarah, really. 

Except for Topper. 

He stood to the side of the foursome, shifting his weight back and forth and watching Sarah with a softness she didn’t realize her ex-boyfriend could possess. Still, every last hair on his body and wrinkle in his smile was so familiar. Could she just reach out to him? With John B standing right beside her? 

Before Sarah could make up her mind Kie was crushing her in a tight hug and suddenly everyone was in a hurry to gather in Topper’s car. Or perhaps it took them hours to leave the bus station, the world was too hazy for Sarah to tell. 

The only marker of time that first night home was John B. His hand would rest on hers and she knew it was time to take a breath. He would laugh and Sarah knew things were going to be alright. He was crying most of the night and Sarah knew that being home wasn’t enough to fix what was broken in the Outer Banks. 

Not that she had much of a home in the Outer Banks anymore. 

Home used to be the smell of her bedsheets when they were fresh out of the wash, or the sound of the tv starting up when the Cameron’s would gather for a movie night—usually a Disney movie of Wheezie’s choosing. That was before her father and brother had each killed somebody. How could she ever walk through those doors again? For Wheezie. She would have to see her at some point. 

John B’s arm around her shoulder twitched, bringing Sarah out the dark and scary corners of her mind and onto Topper’s couch. The last time she’d sat on that couch all she cared about was going all the way with Topper. Though the feelings she had in a mere few days with John B surpassed anything she had ever felt for Topper, Sarah almost wished she could be that girl again. Blissfully unaware that the rug would soon be pulled out from under her flip-flops. 

John B kissed her forehead and she could still the wetness on his cheeks and it made her skin feel sticky and cold. She didn’t wipe it away, could barely move. Instead she leaned against John B’s chest and let herself imagine a world where they could walk freely down the street hand-in-hand going for ice cream or getting wine drunk in the bay. He was so handsome and Sarah was dying to show him off to the world, to go back to life as normal but keep John B by her side.

But that could never happen, too much had come to light. She would never un-see Rafe trembling, lost in sweat after shooting an innocent person. She would never un-see her father pushing Big John off the boat, waiting for him to drown in the see below. Deeper, deeper. Down to the ocean floor to rest. What if she had died in that ocean? Would her father have tossed her a life raft? Would he save John B? 

Sarah could feel herself fading faster, and let the exhaustion take the reins. She laid her head on John B’s chest.

* * *

JJ could only listen in silence as John described to the Pogues—and Topper—how he and Sarah had somehow survived the storm and were rescued by some fishermen in route to Nassau. 

“When we got there, Ward was already long gone and we spent two weeks trying to figure out where he went. We thought he’d gone back the OBX or something but Sarah kept thinking he was in hiding.”

“Did he ever show?” asked Pope. John B shook his head. 

“Has anybody heard from him here?”

“Not a word. At least, I don’t think so. Maybe Sarah could talk to Rose?” Kie suggested. 

Sarah was totally asleep on John B and JJ felt a bit envious of it. Not the laying on John B part, but her ability to just fall asleep sitting up on such a chaotic night. JJ wondered if maybe he could lean a little bit against Topper without anybody noticing. He was just so close to JJ on the couch and seeing John B standing up, alive, and in-person was all just a bit too much for JJ. Kie and Pope hadn’t taken their eyes off of John B for a single second. 

“I don’t think that’s something we can ask her to do just yet,” John B warned hesitantly. 

“They don’t exactly have the best relationship,” Topper added. John B just nodded and looked down at Sarah with a little smile. Not so much a little smile, but more of the kindest expression JJ had never seen on his best friend’s face. JJ let himself lean ever so slightly against Topper. 

Topper didn’t mirror John B’s embrace, but he also didn’t stiffen or pull away. 

“I really don’t know what the fuck we’re going to do now. I mean, they’re still looking for us, right?”

“Pictures of you guys are on like every single surface in town.”

“I think there’s a cash prize for turning you in. I don’t know if it’s alive.”

“Pope!” Kie elbowed him but they were holding hands so it didn’t look very painful. 

“The police still at the Chateau?” asked John B with a pitifully hopeful expression. Kie took one for the team and broke his spirits with a nod. “Shit.”

“You guys can stay here. At least until you figure out what to do.”

All eyes turned to Topper and JJ sat up a little more. Nobody seemed to be paying him any attention though. 

“Nobody would suspect it,” added JJ. 

“Thanks, bro. That’s like half-decent of you.”

“Half-decent?”

“You pushed me off a building, man.”

“John B, I already told you—,”

“I’m just pushing your buttons, dude. I’ve been through like way worse in the past few weeks so I don’t really care about that anymore.”

“How big of you,” Kie teased and Pope gave her a look that made her roll her eyes. 

“You seriously offering?” John B asked again, glancing between Topper and Sarah. 

“Of course. You’re both welcome to stay.”

“You can stay in his lovely guest suite with its own private bath and marvelous view of the neighbor’s fence. It’s perfect for a honeymoon getaway,” JJ prompted playfully, hoping to fly quickly through the whole moved-in-with-Topper conversation. 

“Thanks, Topper. And I’m so happy to see you guys but I think I should probably go help Sarah to bed. This has been like a crazy few days and I think I’m about to crash.”

“Maybe we could keep—,” Kie begun but Pope cut her off. 

“We should probably be getting out of here too.” Pope guided Kie up to her feet, giving John B a quick hug and then Kie gave John B a significantly longer hug, kissed his cheek, and the two were off. 

“You staying too?” John B asked JJ as he lifted Sarah into his arms. She had begun to snore and JJ had to admit they actually seemed a bit, dare he even think it, cute together. 

“Yeah, I’m actually, uh, staying here now.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, the Chateau and DCS and the police.”

“And your dad. Shit. The phantom. JJ, I’m so—,”

“Not tonight, JB. Please.”

“I love you, dude. Like big love.” John B carried Sarah to the doorway where Topper was waiting to lead them upstairs to the guest room but he stopped to give JJ a dramatic kiss on the cheek before head out. _The fool_. 

JJ had missed him so much. 

The real John B. The goofy one who worried too much about how much food JJ ate and how many days it had been since he’d shown up to school. That John B hadn’t been around for a lot longer than he’d been a fugitive, that John B had been in hiding since Big John left. The sparkle in his eyes when he looked at Sarah was the first time JJ had seen his best friend in almost a year. 

“Big love you too, man.” 

John B flashed a huge grin and bounced Sarah in his arms lightly to make it easier to shuffle up the staircase. JJ snuck away into the kitchen to find something to eat to distract him from the lightheadedness that seeing the two of them alive had made him feel. 

“You didn’t have to give them your room.”

JJ looked up from his dry cereal to see Topper had entered the kitchen. His eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. 

“It’s not even my room.”

“It kind of is.”

“Anyway, they almost died and that bed is amazing, so it’s whatever.” 

“You take mine tonight, okay? I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep much anyway.”

“I don’t need to take your bed, I’ll be perfectly fine on the couch. I’m not fucking Goldilocks.”  
“You can be anything you want to be.”

“Shut up.”

“Only if you agree to take my room. Seriously, I’m probably just going to watch the Office down here most of the night to try and get the image of Sarah falling asleep on John B out of my mind.”

“It was a little cute.”

“Wouldn’t be as cute if it were your ex-girlfriend falling asleep on John B’s shoulder.”

“I don’t even have an ex-girlfriend though, so it’s still cute to me.”

“What?”

“Sorry that I’m happy for them. They’re been through like complete hell it sounds like.”

“No, what do you mean you’ve never had a girlfriend? You’re like notoriously known for getting every single touron.”

“That’s my legacy.”

“No one ever stays though, do they.”

“I really don’t need a therapy lesson tonight.” 

“Not therapy, strictly making fun of you.”

“Don’t slut shame me!”

“I would never.” 

Topper took a handful of the dry cereal from the box and tossed it into his mouth. 

“Did you have any other girlfriends before Sarah?”

“She was the first. We’d been dating since we were like fourteen.” 

“And then John B swooped in.”

“Swoop he did.” 

“Is _it_ like any better when you’ve got a girlfriend?”

“Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

“It’s a genuine question, man.”

“I wouldn’t know, actually.”

“Damn! Now it’s my turn to make fun you, Top.”

“Okay, I get it now. I was being a dick. To make it up to you, I’ll give you by bed for the night.”

“No, no, no. I know this is just an elaborate ploy for you to seduce me.” JJ threw a hand over his forehead and raised the pitch of his voice. “Oh Topper, I’m here on vacation with my parents from Ohio and I just love men in seersucker shorts.” 

Somehow it happened. 

It _had_ to have happened because all of a sudden JJ’s lips tingled and Topper was inches away from his nose.

And then Topper was a yard away swearing to himself. 

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, uh, do that. I don’t know why I did that.”

 _Kissed me?_ Had Topper really just kissed him. It had all happened so fast that JJ still wasn’t sure if anything had actually happened. How much time had passed? Topper looked stressed. Maybe he should say something. 

“But I have a boyfriend back home in Connecticut. How will I ever face him again?” 

Topper softened at JJ’s ridiculous accent. 

“Ohio.”

“Huh?”

“You said you were from Ohio, miss.”

“I’m not upset, man. It happens.”

“You just spontaneously kiss your friends sometimes.”

“It wasn’t that weird,” JJ insisted, wondering why Topper was making such a big deal out of the kiss if he truly didn’t mean to do it. Unless he did. Mean to kiss JJ. “It was a nice kiss.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I swear. I was just coming down off the high of seeing Sarah and…”

_Maybe it could happen again, though. Shit, JJ wanted it to happen again._

“That’s it?”

“What else would it be about?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Topper closed the box of cereal and put it back in the pantry. 

“I’m gonna go watch some tv. Don’t sleep on the floor, okay? That shit will hurt your back.”

“You don’t have to be such a martyr, Topper.” 

“I’ve got a lot of shit to make up for.” 

JJ sat in the dark for a few minutes, finally reaching up to wipe the spit from his lips. Lips that Topper had _kissed?_ Nothing about this night felt real to JJ. Maybe it was all just an elaborate dream in his subconscious to distract him from the fact that John B and Sarah had drowned. 

JJ pinched himself with his eyes closed but when he opened them his lips still tingled and he was still sitting in Topper’s kitchen. 

As JJ headed out of the kitchen to find Topper’s room, he stopped for a moment in the living room’s archway. Topper was sitting up so straight on the couch it almost looked painful. 

“You don’t have to be sorry about that.”

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that.” 

“It’s okay.”

“Don’t try to make me feel like less of an ass.”

“You’re not an ass.”

“JJ, come on.”

“I liked it.” 

Topper turned to look at him suddenly and was somehow even more tense than before. JJ tugged at the sleeve of what was, embarrassingly, still Topper’s sweatshirt. 

“The kiss. I liked it.” 

“Oh.”

“I mean, you’re not an awful kisser or anything like that.”

“So you liked my technique?”

“Among other things.”

“Other things?” 

Topper was on his feet and shuffling lightly across the room, the smirk replacing his solemn and puffy face. 

“Don’t sleep on the couch tonight,” JJ demanded rather boldly. He was shocked by the words spilling out of his mouth but, like an avalanche, they couldn’t seem to be stopped. 

“Where else would I sleep?”

“With me.”

“With you?”

“Just sleep, not other stuff.”

“Definitely no other stuff.” He was getting cocky now and JJ wondered if it was too late to take it all back. 

“It’s just today has been so crazy and Pope and Kie have each other and John B and Sarah have each other…” JJ trailed off, not daring to meet Topper’s gaze. 

“And _we_ have each other?”

“Maybe just for tonight?”

“Just for tonight.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay, then.” 

Topper shut off the tv and the lights and followed JJ upstairs. He slid off his shorts and tugged on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before sliding under the covers beside JJ. 

And maybe, just maybe, JJ let himself reach out for Topper’s hand beneath the covers. Maybe Topper held on tight. Maybe in the dark JJ could let himself hold onto the Topper like this, stare across the bed as Topper’s eyes watched back. Maybe nothing else happened. Maybe JJ fell asleep quickly that night, exhausted but without the hurdles for all his little sheep to jump over. Maybe the morning wouldn’t be so chilled with another body in the bed beside him. 

Topper gave JJ’s hand a squeeze and JJ let himself drift deeply into his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this one! I liked this one :) Things are definitely getting a little spicy in the Thornton house tonight my lovely readers, but not too lovely--this is a slow burn fic after all. Your comments have been so sweet and I hope you're all still enjoying this story as it transitions into a more romantic territory... It's been such a fun creative outlet for me this week and it just warms my heart to see you all reading and commenting on this fic because I had no idea I'd ever get this much support on a JJxTopper fic out here. Ugh, kudos for you all <3


	8. the one where everything is weird

When JJ woke up all he could feel was a heavy weight pressing against himself that didn’t feel like a duvet. The bed was especially comfortable this morning and JJ was nowhere ready to get up. Every day since he had started living with Topper he was waking up early and getting to school on time. It was exhausting. A few extra minutes in bed couldn’t hurt. 

The bed felt suspiciously warm though and JJ could feel sweat radiating off his skin. It was bit too stuffy under the duvet. When he went to sit up was the first time he opened his eyes. 

Arms were outstretched across his waist and soft hair pressed against the back of his neck. Squirming so he was laying on his back, JJ’s breath hitched. He was spooning with Topper and it felt nice. 

He darted out of the bed and escaped out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen. The sun was still looming along the horizon line and the house was silent except for the quiet thuds of footsteps coming from the guestroom. 

_Topper. Topper. Topper._

JJ needed some coffee before his mind got the better of him. As he was brewing coffee John B came downstairs wearing his clothes from the day before and ruffling his hair. 

“Morning, man.”

“Feeling better this morning?” JJ asked, filling a mug and grabbing a second one out of the cabinet for John B. 

“So much. I don’t think I’ve slept that well since my dad left.”

“And Sarah?”

“I don’t know, dude. She’s been really going through it. I mean her dad and her brother basically betrayed her.”

“That’s got to suck.”

“And now I’m a fugitive and you’re living with a Kook, so she’s not the only one stressing apparently.”

“It’s not too bad here.”

“This house is pretty sick. Are you and Topper like friends now or is this just a place to crash?”

“We’re friends.”

JJ sipped on his coffee, feeling the time and distance between himself and John B more than he ever would had expected. John B used to be JJ’s safe place—as stupid as it felt to say. The Chateau, John B, and Big John grounded JJ. They were his family, his home. 

But the guy sitting next to him didn’t rest back in his chair, he buttoned his shirt correctly, and JJ suddenly felt like they were strangers again. 

“Just be careful, JJ. Topper’s only looking out for himself at the end of the day.”

JJ wondered just how worth it the argument would be. He hadn’t seen John B in months and it was their first real conversation. Was he ready to piss John B off to defend Topper? The only person who was actually showing up for him lately. 

“Look, maybe he was a dick to you but he’s changed a lot since you left. He’s been there for me when Kie and Pope did nothing. I was living on the fucking streets, bro.” JJ’s voice was growing higher with every syllable and he gave himself a deep breath to calm himself down. He really didn’t want to fight with John B right now. 

“He tried to kill me, like more than once.”

“He’s changed.”

“How much can somebody change in a month?”

“I don’t know.” 

JJ could feel John B’s eyes on him as he continued to drink his coffee, trying to figure out how ease the tension in the air. 

“What’re you gonna do now?” he finally asked. 

“I don’t know, man. Sarah thinks we can get Rafe to confess, but I don’t know.”

“Rafe confessing? Then Ward’s gonna just hand us the gold.”

“Exactly. I’m so glad to be back though. We didn’t have any money and now I’m like a fugitive wherever I go, so I might as well be home with my Pogies.”

“Well we missed you, a lot. Things haven’t been the same since you left.”

“With Pope and Kie? Wait, they’re like together now, yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s cute and all but it’s kind of weird. And without you here too, I didn’t want to like third wheel all the time.”

“Damn, yeah. I wouldn’t want to third wheel with them anyway. You think he talks about corpses and shit while they eat one long pasta noodle?”

“Oh, for sure. And Kie probably sends him his horoscope every morning at the exact minute his alarm goes off.”

John B was laughing and JJ felt a bit calmer, more at ease, more in-sync with John B. But there was still a bridge between the two and neither one seemed ready to cross it. 

“Was Luke pissed? About the Phantom?”

“John B, I really don’t want to—,”

“I know, dude. I just need to know how you’ve been.”

“He didn’t take it well, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Where did you go?”

“Home, at first. Kie and Pope can’t let me stay with them and that’s fine, I get it. It stormed a lot the first week you were gone and, without school or the Chateau, there weren’t many other places to chill. But eventually I just needed to bail.”

“Where’d you sleep? Did you eat?”

JJ shrugged, usually John B didn’t ask this many questions. But usually John B would take JJ in before things got this bad. Big John never seemed to mind the extra company and John B loved having someone else around to watch midnight reruns of George Lopez and eat Skittles with. JJ liked knowing there was at least one place on Earth where he was wanted. 

“Trees, open garages or sheds and shit. A few times I even slept in those Kook reno lots.”

“You didn’t eat?”

JJ shook his head, too embarrassed to admit he had almost passed out a few times from hunger. 

“What about you and Sarah? You had that ship, but what happened when you got to Nassau? Rent a hotel room?”

“A motel, actually. Sarah had like lifeguarding cash saved and the motel let us pay online. I don’t know how she set it up but I felt like such an idiot when she paid for like every single meal every day.”

“Pogue style.”

“Pogue style sucks sometimes.”

JJ motioned his hands in the air around the kitchen. John B seemed to get it. 

“I’m so sorry I fucked things up.” Now John B was starting to look emotional and JJ really couldn’t handle this conversation this early in the morning. He hadn’t even had a second cup of coffee yet. 

“You don’t have to apologize for this.”

“I do. I’ve been a crappy friend, I yelled at you, I somehow managed to become wanted for murder, and I’m the reason you were homeless for like a month.”

“Only a few weeks. And that’s not your fault. That’s all Luke.”

“Sometimes I wish we’d never gone fishing that morning after Aggie. Or that my dad was some normal guy who geeked out on vintage cars or had like a minor gambling problem.”

“Cheers to that. But we can’t change any of that shit. Without our treasure hunt you would’ve never met Sarah, so there’s that.”

“I love her, JJ. I mean, I know it’s only been a month, but she’s on my mind every minute of the day and sometimes I just look at her and it’s like I forget everything else exists.”

“I’ve never felt anything like that.” 

“If it’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”

“Have you told her?”

“Yeah. Way too soon but we knew that night on the Phantom.” 

“That’s Romeo and Juliet shit, right there, bro.”

“Without the tragic suicides, but yeah. Star-crossed lovers. A Kook and Pogue.” 

“Alright, Romeo. We get it, you’ve got a healthy relationship.”

“And she’s so gorgeous. I mean, even when we almost died in a shipwreck, she looked like a fucking angel, man.”

“Salt in the wound, JB. Salt in the wound.” 

John B chuckled, rinsing off his mug and passing JJ to ruffle a hand through his hair. He held JJ’s shoulder for a moment. 

“I’m sorry, JJ. I love you, brother.”

“I love you too, you big simp.” 

“I’m gonna go see how my girl’s doing!”

“Whatever, Romeo.”

* * *

JJ didn’t see Topper that morning until they were getting in Topper’s car to head to school. It was far more uncomfortable than JJ had even thought possible. It wasn’t until they were halfway to school that JJ made the first sound. 

“So last night?”

“Last night.” 

Topper’s grip on the steering wheel tightened and his eyes were glued to the road. Normally, Topper had the radio on or was pestering JJ with his teasing. But today Topper was acting like JJ had picked a fight with him, or something. 

“It was a mistake, for sure. The emotions and everything were just so…”

“The emotions. It was a weird day.”

“Exactly. Just a weird day.”

“I don’t think we ever need to speak about it again.”

JJ searched his brain for a witty comment, for some scramble of words to say. Instead of thoughts churning through his brain, the only think he could think about was that kiss and waking up in Topper’s arms. It didn’t feel like a mistake at any point last night. It only felt like a mistake when the sun has started to rise. 

JJ had kissed a guy. Well, _a guy had kissed JJ_ , and he didn’t hate it. He wasn’t even indifferent to the kiss. He liked the kiss. He liked falling asleep next to him. He loved holding his hand. _Shit. JJ might be gay._

But even if he liked Topper, he loved girls. He loved how soft their bellies were, how brightly their eyes would light up when JJ smiled at them. And the sex was always pretty good, so he _couldn’t_ be gay. What had Kiara said the name of her sexuality was? San? Pan? Pansexual, that was it. And there was bisexual, too. How was JJ supposed to know what he was? What if JJ was indeed straight and his feelings from last night were just outliers? What if he tried to kiss another guy and it was gross and weird and all of the stress of figuring it out would be for nothing? Not nothing. 

Clearly, though, Topper was none of those. Topper couldn’t even look at him.

What if he hated JJ now? Or just didn’t want to be his friend anymore because things were weird now. But Topper had been the one to kiss him first. But Topper was also the one who couldn’t stop talking about Sarah. 

Nobody ever shuts up about Sarah Cameron. 

“I can figure out somewhere else to stay.”

Topper looked over at JJ for the first time since last night and it was like his entire chest sunk against the seat of the car. 

“You don’t have to leave. Unless you want to, I mean. I wouldn’t try to stop you, but I’d never kick you out.” 

“I don’t want things to be weird.”

“They don’t have to be. We can just decide that nothing will be weird and we can go back to how it’s been.”

“We can?”

“I mean, I’d be down for that.”

“Okay. Yeah, let’s do that then.”

“Back to normal, princess.”

“You can’t call me princess after we slept together.”

“It was PG!”

“Oh please, you couldn’t even be bothered to make me a nice breakfast.”

“I don’t see you breaking out the Champagne for me?”

“Mimosas on a Wednesday morning. You’re a class act, Top.”

“You think Sarah and John B are having brunch in my house right now?”

“Oh, no questions asked. He’s probably bringing her breakfast in bed. _Oh, John B!_ ”

“They’re gonna get crumbs all over the sheets.”

“That’s not all they’re gonna do to the sheets.”

“Don’t be gross, man!” 

“It’s just human nature.”

* * *

Sarah wouldn’t get out of bed. John B had tried to lure her down to the kitchen to eat, had even tried bringing her up some coffee and strawberries. She was awake, but in a sleep-like haze tucked under the blanket and staring off into space. 

“We can’t really go into town or to the beach, but maybe we could go for a little walk or take a swim in Topper’s pool? Or even just go to the living room.”

“Why bother. The bed’s more comfortable.”

“I could run you a bath. I took a shower last night and seriously, Sarah, the water was heavenly. We haven’t had warm water in so long and I promise it will feel amazing.” 

“I don’t want to take a bath right now, John B.”

“Okay. That’s fine. We could just talk?”

“I don’t want to talk right now. I’m exhausted okay, I just need to lay here.”

“And you promise you’re okay? Like shit’s whack, but you’re okay and we’re okay?”

“We’re okay, John B. I just need to lay here.” 

Her eyes had gone somewhere else and her words were so hollow John B couldn’t tell if she was lying or telling the truth. Maybe Sarah didn’t realize how badly she looked right now. How depressed. She tugged the blanket over her as she turned on her side so she wasn’t facing John B. 

“I could try and sneak Wheezie over?”

“I can’t put her jeopardy.”

“We could be really careful, I could be so sneaky!”

“Please, John B. I know you’re trying to make me happy right now, and I love you for it. But I just need some time. Okay? Every single thing about my life had done a 180 and it’s like I haven’t caught up with that yet and it’s just really overwhelming.”

John B could hear it in the up and down hiccups of her breath that she had begun to cry. He wanted to reach out but Sarah wanted space. John B wished he could hold her. 

“I love you. I’m gonna go downstairs and I’ll just be watching tv, nothing big and missing you for every second of it. You don’t have to get out of bed all week if you don’t want to. But if you wanna lay under this comforter downstairs, well, I’ll be there.” 

Sarah was audibly crying but she sucked in a small breath for a shaky, _okay_ , and John B stood up. Despite every instinct in his body that screamed to stay, he gave her the space she’d asked for and headed downstairs. 

He’d really fucked things up for everybody. 

Maybe Sarah would’ve been better off at home with Ward and her step-mom, with Wheezie and even Rafe. Maybe JJ wouldn’t have to live with Topper if John B had just been more careful. Maybe if he hadn’t cheered his dad on in his quest for the Royal Merchant…

John B always tried to do what was right. He tried so fucking hard to be the good guy, to be a good friend and a good son and good boyfriend. Hell, he was a straight-A student up until Sophomore year. He wanted to blame his dad. For years he had blamed his dad. 

_You’re a shit, father_. That was last thing he had ever said to his dad before he was murdered. He didn’t have a damn clue what the last thing he said to his mother was. Most days he couldn’t even remember what she looked like. 

He needed to figure this shit out. For Sarah. For JJ. He needed to figure out how to get Pope a scholarship and Kie the world. 

And the really shitty thing was, he had come so close to doing just that. Four hundred million dollars could’ve given Sarah the means to stand on her own two feet, would’ve given JJ a chance to live a safe and comfortable life, would pay for Pope to go to Harvard if he wanted, would let Kiara do whatever she wanted to do—which really could be anything, Kie had millions of big dreams and backup plans. It would’ve give John B the chance to take his girlfriend on a nice date to a restaurant overlooking the water. He could guy a place to live and all the Pogues could stay there too. 

His dad had been so fucking close. John B had been closer. He’d held that gold in his own two hands. 

And it had fucked everything up. And John B felt helpless. He knew Sarah felt helpless too, laying up on that bed trapped in her thoughts. She’d been having nightmares about Rafe shooting Peterkin, about Ward leaving and never coming back, about Rose leaving Wheezie behind. She’d wake up in fits of tears and every time John B would try to hold her she’d push him away. Eventually she’d tire herself out trying to act strong and collapse against John B, holding on for dear life. 

And then they’d fall asleep and the days would play over and over again like the worst Groundhog’s Day ever. It had been John B’s idea to finally come home. 

_”We can’t do this anymore, Sarah!”_

_“We can’t go home either. Baby, you’re a fugitive and Rafe will probably kill you. We don’t have a choice.”_

_“What are we going to do? Stay here? You parents will be able to find us and then what? I go to jail and you go live with Ward? How is that any better?”_

_“What are we supposed to do, John B? Where could be possibly go?”_

_“I have a van.”_

_“And?”_

_“We can drive up the cost, we can stay anyplace that will let us. We can at least go home and make sure Wheezie is okay. You’ve been talking about her every day.”_

_“Rose doesn’t look out for her, she needs me.”_

_“So let’s go home.”_

_“But the police.”_

_“I’ll be fine. We can figure it out when we get there. It’s just as dangerous for us to be and the gold isn’t even here.”_

_“But what if it is?”_

_“What if we’re here forever?_

John B wasn’t sure if it was the fear of spending their whole lives on the run that had eventually convinced Sarah to come home or if it was her undying love for her little sister. Either way, Sarah had booked then two tickets for a boat that was headed up to Florida. It was a pretty sketchy boat, but they didn’t call the police on John B and they made it to Florida fairly quickly for suck a heavy ship. In Florida they’d rented a car and John B had made the drive from Miami to the Outer Banks. Sarah barely spoke the whole way. She barley ate. She didn’t cry or whine, but she only gave forced looking smiles. 

At first John B thought she was mad, but it by South Carolina he realized it was way worse than anger. She was depressed. 

And John B felt like he was to blame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor loves, right when everything was starting to go their way! But when I started to think about everything they've gone through, these kids are bound to have some serious mental health struggles in the aftermath and I just felt like I needed to include it. I also want to see John B holding himself accountable for his behavior (but also not being the hero-complex boy he is and putting all the blame on himself). Balance, John B. And our girl Sarah, I mean she's really just going through it right now. And of course our beloved JJ, but since he's been dealing with trauma his whole life I would assume he's a little more equipped to cope with everything going down in the OBX. Anyway, hope you're all still enjoying this little story. Don't worry, this isn't the end of TopperxJJ and the angst won't last forever. Kudos to you all <3


	9. the one with the wild goose chase

“This is such a bad idea, John B.”

“Seriously, dude. I think you need to think this through.”

“I appreciate the concern, guys, but I have to do this,” insisted John B. 

Pope and Kie shared a horrified glance and then both looked to JJ. He had been silent throughout John B’s entire presentation. 

“Sarah and I are trapped right now and the longer we put this off, the more likely it is that he’ll never get prosecuted.”

“Ward just inherited four hundred million dollars, Rafe’s not going to prison no matter what you do. And what happens when somebody sees you on the way over there? What happens when Rafe tries to fucking kill you, man?” Pope asked, his voice teetering on the edge of begging. 

“I know it’s a risk, but I can’t even live my life anymore, Pope. Sarah is so depressed she can’t even get out of bed. What happens a week from now, huh? What about a month? A year? I have to take control of my life again.” 

“Then go buy some fake papers and move to Wisconsin. Don’t get yourself killed,” Kie exclaimed. 

“She’s right dude, this isn’t the only option.”

“Shut up, Topper. You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“John B!”

“No, Kie, he’s right, I don’t know much about this. But I know a lot about Rafe and I know he’s not going to confess.”

“If he would kill somebody for his father, he’d turn himself in for his old man too.” 

“You’re overestimating him.”

“I have to fucking try! I have to try.”

John B looked like he was about to cry and Topper wasn’t sure what to do. Pope’s knee was bouncing up and down, Kie was chewing on her nails, and JJ was fixated on the carpet. John B was shaking just a bit and Topper wanted to shake him back to his senses. 

“Let me go. I’ll see if I can talk to Rafe.”

“No, it has to be me.”

“Why’s that, genius?”

“Because I’m the one who watched him pull the trigger.”

“That’s exactly why it shouldn’t be you!” cried Kie. 

“I’m not here for your permission, I told you all of this because I need your support.”

“I’m not giving you my blessing to kill yourself.”

“Pope, this isn’t a completely suicide mission. I’m gonna be careful and if things go south then I’ll…” John B scratched his head for a moment, “then I’ll bring JJ’s gun.”

“So, you’re gonna _shoot_ him now? Jesus, John B,” Kie pressed, her eyes welling up. 

“JJ, where’s the gun?”

JJ shook his head, still not looking up. 

“Where’s the fucking gun? I know you have it, man.”

When JJ still didn’t say anything, John B was reaching out—presumably to shake him—and Topper couldn’t help himself before he was shoving John B across the room. 

“Don’t be a dick, Topper.”

“I’m not the one being a dick right now.”

“Fucking Kook, don’t touch me!” 

Topper might have shoved John B first, but John B threw the first punch. Topper saw nothing but red and suddenly he and John B were fighting. John B’s fist collided with Topper’s face and Topper had John B laying on his back before JJ pulled him away and Pope was helping John B up, Kiara standing between them with her arms outstretched. 

Topper was all too aware of JJ’s arms wrapped around his chest, restricting his movement but also very much calming him. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?”

“I swear to God—,”

“Cut it out, JB. This is childish and idiotic and all of us agree that you confronting Rafe alone will either end in you going to prison or getting yourself killed. We’re not going to fight about this, instead, we’re going to think of a new plan. Okay? Everybody okay with that?”

Topper and John B both muttered defeated _yes_ ’s and Topper could feel JJ loosening his grip. He reached out a hand to shake John B’s, but the guy just took a seat on the couch. 

“Alright, then.” 

“So, we need to find a way to prove John B didn’t kill Peterkin and then we can start figuring out how to gather evidence to prove that Rafe actually did. Any ideas?” Kie asked, speaking slowly and clearly as if she was talking to children. Topper figured they probably deserved that right now. 

“Do we know where the gun is?” Pope asked. Topper pointed to Pope to emphasize his support of that plan. 

“Some DNA and shit,” he reassured. 

“No, I ran before I saw what happened to it and Sarah told me Rafe dragged her away from the scene when it was still on the runway.” 

“Maybe we go search the woods out by the airport then,” suggested Kie. 

“I think that’s a much better plan,” agreed Pope. 

“Fine, we’ll search the woods and when we don’t find the gun anywhere, then we’ll talk to Rafe.”

“Or, we could figure out our next move from there?” asked Kie.

“Whatever, let’s just go before the sunsets and we definitely won’t be able to find the gun.”

“Should somebody stay here with Sarah?” Topper asked, despite the fact that he knew the answer was going to piss John B off even further. 

“John B can stay with her,” offered Pope. Kie nodded in agreement. 

“What? No, don’t be ridiculous! I’m the only one who saw the gun.”

“It’s a gun, idiot. We’ll know it when we see it.”

“Kie?”

“What? Me? I don’t know.”

“I think it would be good for Sarah, to have you around.”

“And then we can make sure John B doesn’t sneak away to go find Rafe,” backed up Pope. 

“JJ, you coming with us?”

JJ looked up and gave a shrug but agreed anyway, “Yeah, I can help look.” 

“Okay, so I’m staying here with Sarah and the four of you are going to not kill each other and civilly search for the gun, right?” 

The boys nodded. 

“I need some verbal confirmation that nobody is going to punch anyone!”

“We won’t fight,” promised John B. 

“Absolutely,” agreed Topper. 

“Good, then it’s settled.”

* * *

“Hey, Sarah,” Kie hummed gently as she gave the guest bedroom’s door a knock, opened it, and stepped into the room. Kie assumed the hump in the duvet was Sarah. The lights were all off and the blinds only allowed tiny slits of sun to enter. It felt like a cave and Sarah was hiding in the rocks like a bat. “You under there?”

“Kie?”

“It’s me.” Kiara climbed up onto the bed and sat with her back against the headboard. Sarah turned under the duvet so that the two were looking at each other. “I thought you might want a little company.”

Sarah shrugged, pulling the covers up to her chin. 

“I know things are still kind of weird between us, but if you need a girl friend I’m here now.” 

“I need to turn back time.”

“Like go back to how it was before?”

Sarah shook her head. 

“I should’ve stopped Rafe.”

“You can’t put that on yourself. There were three witnesses. If anybody could’ve stopped him I know you would’ve.”

“He just shot her, Kie. Like she was nothing. There was so much blood.”

“We’re going to figure out a way to fix this, Sarah.”

“How? Because my dad killed John B’s father and now he’s gone with all of the Royal Merchant money, my brother killed somebody and is getting away with it, my mom is dead, my step-mom probably doesn’t care that I’m missing, my boyfriend is wanted for murder, and Wheezie is all alone in that house with the two of them. How am I supposed to fix this?”

“You could start by having something to eat, maybe?”

“The thought of food makes me want to vomit.”

“John B said you’ve barely eaten anything for a week. That you’re not sleeping.”

“I’m grieving, okay?”

“I know. So does JB, but we’re scared, Sarah. You can cry and be sad and get really angry all you want. But you’ve got to shower and eat and drink some water and now and then.”

“I’m so tired, Kie. I’m so fucking tired,” Sarah whimpered, her voice breaking out into a sob. In all their year of being best friends, Kiara had never once seen Sarah cry. Sarah was strong and calm under pressure and even when she was upset she always knew what to do. 

Kiara pulled her into a hug and Sarah collapsed against her shoulder, throwing her arms around Kie’s waist. 

“I’m so tired, Kie.” 

“I know. I know.” 

“How is this ever going to end? With John B in prison? With my dad and my brother in prison? And I want to protect John B but then my da-dad and Rafe will get hurt. And if I protect them, then John B’s going to get hurt. And somehow, no matter what happens, it’s like I’ll just be totally fine. And everybody around me will be hurt because of me.”

“None of this is because of you.”

“I have to turn them in, I can’t just let them walk the streets. What if they kill somebody else? What if they hurt Wheezie or even Rose?”

“Your dad would never hurt them.”

“Rafe might.”

“He might. But we’re going to figure out a way to get the truth out.”

“Get Rafe to confess?”

“Maybe. Right now the boys are out looking for the gun. If we can find it then the police will have more than enough evidence.”

“My dad’s prints are on that gun too, Kie. He’ll take the fall for Rafe, I know he will.” 

“Wait really? Shit.”

“He took it from Rafe after it all happened.”

“You said nobody knows where your dad is though, right?”

“For now.”

“Then maybe everything will be fine. Maybe they’ll arrest Rafe and you and John B can go home.”

“I don’t know, Kie.”

“Let’s just let ourselves be hopeful for a few minutes. And then we can go back to real life and be scared again.”

“Five minutes of hope?”

“Sure, five minutes.”

“Thanks, Kie.”

“I’m so glad you didn’t die in that storm.”

“You’re a really good friend.” 

“Love you too, Kooky.”

* * *

“I think it’s probably best if we split up,” Pope suggested once Topper pulled the car off on the side of the road near the airport. 

“I second that.”

“Okay, so you two can look in the east woods and JJ and I will take the west?”

“Bet. We’ll meet back here at 7:45 when the sun sets.”

“Sunset, got it.”

John B and Pope headed off and Topper waited for JJ to get out of the car before they started to head out into the woods. 

“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, because it’s obvious you’re not.”

“I’m perfectly okay. Peachy, actually.”

“Congrats, that’s the most you’ve said all day. Are you mad at me? Did something happen with John B?”

“I’m not mad at you.”

Topper kicked rocks over with his cheek as they walked to check for a hidden gun, kicked leaves off to the side. 

“Is it John B, then?”

“No. I mean, he’s been sort of going through it lately, but he’s trying his best.”

“I’m sorry, JJ. About the fight.”

“Why are you apologizing to me about it? You didn’t hit me.”

“I know he’s your best friend, so I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m trying so hard not to be _that guy_ anymore, but he just gets to me sometimes.”

“He’s really on edge right now, don’t take it too personally.”

“Sweet sentiment, but I know he very personally hates me.”

“He’s really grateful you’re letting him and Sarah crash with you.”

“The dude’s got a weird way of showing it.”

“His dad died looking for that gold, you know? And then it turned John B into a fugitive and sucked all the life out of his girlfriend. I can’t blame him for being pissed off right now.”

“He wanted to hit you, JJ. I could see it in his eyes.”

“Friends hit each other sometimes, it’s not a big deal.”

“That’s a load of shit, JJ.”

“You’ve fucking hit me before. Don’t act like you’re better than we are.”

“I’m not. Fuck, that isn’t what I meant. I just mean you were clearly upset and John B was going to hurt you.”

“And what, Topper?” JJ exclaimed, voice loud for the first time all day, his arms flailing. “You think just because you held my hand one night that it’s your job to protect me? Because it’s not. I can defend myself just fine.”

“I know you can defend yourself.”

“Exactly, don’t act like I’m like breakable or some shit.” 

Topper knew he needed to shut up before he dug himself even deeper into the hole, but JJ’s eyes had glassed over and all Topper wanted was to reach out and hold him. Friendship, romantic, whatever the feeling was, it was the only thing running through Topper’s mind. 

“I don’t think you’re breakable.”

“Whatever. Let’s just look for this damn gun.” 

When JJ started to walk away Topper reached for his forearm to turn him around, to stop him. When he did JJ very visibly flinched away from his grip and Topper’s heart dropped, he took a step back. 

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” A tear slipped from JJ’s eyes and, despite JJ’s attempt to conceal it, Topper saw. 

“What’s wrong, JJ? You can talk to me.”

“There’s nothing fucking wrong, the whole world is just really shitty right now and I’m a little overwhelmed, okay?”

“JJ.”

“Stop acting like you care!”

“I do care. About you.”

“No, you don’t! You just need somebody to take care of to make you feel better about yourself. What a good guy, taking in Pogue trash. What a good guy, that Topper is.”

“JJ.”

“I’m a fucking person, man. When this little charade is over and you go back to being a Kook and John B and Sarah are off in fantasyland and Pope and Kie are off at college, where do you think I’ll be? Huh? Your little project’s going to be exactly like his old man. No thanks to you.”

“What? JJ, it doesn’t have to be like that. You can stay with me as long as you want to.”

“I can’t!”

“What do you mean? Hey, it’s okay. Just explain it to me.” 

JJ wiped at his eyes and kicked a rock across the trail with his boot. 

“Take a breath, man.” 

“I don’t get this. I don’t get what’s going on here. I mean, you said we’re friends, and I get friends. And then you kiss and you say it’s nothing and then we sleep together and then we forget about all of it. Well, I can’t forget about it.” 

“Is that what this is about? Look, you’re the one who said it was a mistake. If you want to forget it all, then I can forget it all. If not, then…tell me what to do here.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s okay.”

“Stop telling me it’s okay when it’s not!”

“JJ.”

“What, Topper?”

JJ’s eyes were wide and wild, his skin glowing from the golden hour sky. His shorts were his own but he was wearing one of Topper’s t-shirts and it made Topper’s heart beat so loudly he worried JJ could hear it. He was so damn beautiful. 

But Topper couldn’t kiss him. 

It didn’t matter that they had laid beside each other or held hands or that JJ thought the kiss was nice. All that mattered was that JJ had said it was a mistake. 

“I’m sorry I screw everything up for you.”

“You didn’t, shit Topper, you didn’t screw anything up.”

“I kissed you.” 

“You did.”

“And clearly that screwed everything up.”

“It didn’t screw it up. I screwed it up because that’s what I do.”

“How did _you_ screw it up?”

“I screwed it up because I like you and it’s weird and you’re straight and in love with Sarah. That’s how I screwed it up.”

_I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you._

“I mean, I kissed you first.”

“Shut up.” 

JJ was blushing and he _liked_ Topper and the air was orange and warm. 

“You didn’t screw anything up, JJ. And I like you too.”

“You do?”

“I really do, actually. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“There’s really only one thing to do in that position.”

“What would that be?”

JJ was leaning in towards Topper and right as their lips met there was a gasp and the loud _snap_ of a twig. JJ had jumped and Topper was at least six feet away from him when he realized it was John B and Pope. 

“We, uh, found the gun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I watched the scene like five times trying to figure out what happened to the gun and either a) I have way too short of an attention span to pick up on anything or b) we don't know what happened to the gun. If I just totally missed it, then in this story the gun being thrown into the woods is canon, whatever. I just need some legal proof (Rafe can rot in jail, but also ACAB and the prison industrial system in America is pathetic). Anywayyy, season 2 better give us some scenes of Kie and Sarah actually being friends because I love them and they love each other. Also, my version of slow burn is more like a game of hot potato, but I hope you all still like it. Thanks for all the love, kudos to you all <3


	10. the one with the aftershocks

“We, uh, found the gun.”

_Topper and JJ were kissing? What the fuck?_

JJ was John B’s best friend. He knew everything about him—he thought he knew everything about him. JJ had trouble reading and so he didn’t try in school. JJ always cut the sleeves off of his shirts because he hated feeling restricted; the same reason he often failed to lace up his boots. JJ was the first boy in their entire class to kiss a girl. JJ was way too impatient to be a good fisher, but he tried as hard he could. And JJ absolutely hated Kooks. 

And then John B was gone for one month and JJ is living with a Kook—arguably the most elitist Kook of them all—and kissing him? _JJ kissing Topper?_

John B had wondered before if maybe JJ like guys more than he let on, that part didn’t come as much of a shock to John B. Sometimes he would catch JJ staring at Pope for a little too long, or getting a little closer to some of the guys at parties than John B would himself. He never asked, because JJ was also just a touchy guy. But the guy part was irrelevant, John B couldn’t care less.

It was the Topper part. The same asshole who had thrown him across the living room only an hour earlier. The same asshole who had tried to drown John B. Who JJ had held a fucking gun to his head. The same Topper who felt Pogues were dirt under his boat-shoed feet. 

And _that_ is what made John B’s skin boil. 

“You two good?” Pope asked, JJ and Topper both like deer in the headlights. 

“You found the uh, the gun. That’s good,” JJ stuttered, scratching at the back of his neck. Topper let out an awkward cough. _This was so uncomfortable. Somebody needed to say something_. 

Nobody said anything. 

The gun, which had been placed with plastic gloves into a bag, was a lot lighter in John B’s hand than he would’ve expected a gun to be. Maybe it wasn’t loaded. Maybe guns were just less intimidating up close. Maybe it was even more intimidating when it was small and light and easy. A gun should never be easy. It shouldn’t have been so easy for Rafe to pull the trigger. 

“We should probably head back, then,” Topper suggested and everyone mumbled an agreement. As they began walking, Pope looked over to John B with giant eyes. He mouthed, _the fuck?_ to John B, who just shrugged and rolled his eyes in response. 

What the hell was he supposed to say? 

It was _Topper fucking Thornton_ and JJ had been kissing him. 

Pope rambled on through the car ride home about DNA and fingerprint technology. About how the police should be able to track the prints to Rafe and, if they couldn’t do that, at least track the registration to Ward. John B could tell he was just trying to fill the space. Every few thoughts he’d pause and look, a bit desperately, to John B. Topper gave out a few, _yeah_ ’s and _okay_ ’s, but JJ was dead silent. 

John B knew JJ. He knew that a silent JJ wasn’t unusual. He was a guy of extremes, either the loudest one in the room or quietly listening in the corner. That was something Topper probably didn’t know about JJ, how much he listened to other people. But this version of quiet JJ was listening, this version was freaking out and John B needed to figure out how to reassure JJ that he didn’t care if he liked guys but that he was planning on punching Topper straight in the jaw the next chance he got. 

JJ, of course, wouldn’t like that. JJ hated when other people fought his fights. Not that JJ even realized this was something he should be fighting. 

John B was going to kill him. 

He was already in enough trouble with the law, might as well just kill Topper. Well, not actually, but he enjoyed the thought of it. He set the bag with the gun down between his feet so that his imagination wouldn’t blur too much with reality. 

“I mean, maybe it’s not even Rafe’s gun. Maybe somebody else threw their gun out in the middle of the woods and we’ll have to go out again,” Pope continued to ramble. 

“Maybe,” Topper muttered, eyes locked to the road. 

When they pulled up to Topper’s house and everyone climbed out of the car, John B decided he needed to pull JJ aside because as soon as they walked through the door Kie was going to be all over them and this conversation would get lost. He _had_ to say something. 

“JJ, hold back a second.”

JJ waited as Pope and Topper awkwardly shuffled inside, but his entire body was as stiff as a post and John B could tell he was already getting defensive. Maybe it was because John B was visibly pissed off. 

“What the hell was that?”

“What, John B?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“You and Topper. You were kissing him. What the hell, man?”

“I don’t know, okay.”

“You don’t know? Why are you kissing that guy he’s the worst? He tried to _kill_ me, JJ!”

“I know that! I know, okay?” 

“Then why? Why do you like him?”

“I don’t know, John B. I don’t know what’s going on, right now.”

JJ’s hands were starting to shake and it felt like a slap in the face to John B. 

“Are you gay or something? It’s not a big deal, you know, if you are.”

JJ shrugged, crossing his arms across his chest to tuck his trembling hands against his side. 

“Look, if you don’t wanna talk to me about it, then fine. But you’ve got to be careful, dude. He might be playing nice for now, but how do you know he’s actually changed?”

“This isn’t a game to him, John B.”

“And how do you know?”

“I just do, okay? You think Sarah’s just playing with you until somebody else comes along? Why are you fucking interrogating me right now?” By now JJ was full on yelling. John B knew his best friend, and JJ almost never raised his voice to his friends. Ever. 

This was bad. 

“Look, I support _you_ , JJ. But I don’t like Topper and, up until a few weeks ago, neither did you. I’m just worried.”

“I’m sick of that!” JJ exclaimed, hands clenching into fists and his face red. “I’m so fucking sick of everybody _worrying_ about me and thinking I don’t know how to make my own fucking decisions. I’m not an invalid, John B. Topper’s not fucking using me! I just wanted to kiss him and so I did and I don’t care if you support that or not. You left, John B.”

“I know, but—”

“Shut up, and let me talk for once. Two months ago I wanted to leave and you said it was just because Luke kicked my ass. Then you fall in love with the little Kook princess and you drive into the eye of a storm like the selfish asshole you are. You were ready to kill yourself and it’s like you didn’t even care that you left me. That you left Pope and Kie—all three of us behind. And then you’re gone and you can’t even call us for a goddamn month? You said it yourself you and Sarah were staying in a motel. They have fucking phones there, man. We thought you were dead!”

“I tried, I just—”

“And then when you get back you’re ready to get yourself killed immediately because Sarah’s been crying for a few days? And you’re ready to leave her behind too, just you can be the fucking hero.”

“JJ.”

“…and then you have the audacity to come back home and get mad at me for living with Topper. The only person who’s given a shit about me since you left. Kie and Pope barely even see me anymore, and I was living on the streets because my dad beat me so hard I thought that I was finally going to die. And you tell me you don’t support me. You tell me, JB, _what the hell?_?”

“JJ, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t want an apology, John B. And honestly, at least right now, I really don’t want to talk to you.”

And then JJ went inside and John B was alone in the garage. And John B knew every single thing JJ had said was true. He told himself he wasn’t going to be a shitty friend anymore and then he went and made JJ that upset. He’d never in their entire friendship heard JJ that upset. JJ’s skin was on fire and all his nerves were bouncing around inside of him. 

_He fucked everything up. He fucked it all up._

He took the gun out of the car.

* * *

When JJ stormed into the kitchen, he could immediately tell that Pope and Topper had heard him yelling. They were sitting at the kitchen island and both looked a bit horrified when JJ stomped into the room.

“We kissed, okay? And Pope, I don’t really give a fuck what you think about it.”

“JJ, it’s okay,” Topper tried but JJ was too mad to be calmed down. 

“No! I’m so sick of everybody giving me shit and I’m not gonna deal with it about this. We _like_ each other, okay? Deal with it.”

“JJ, it’s okay, Pope’s not mad.”

“Wait, you’re not.”

“Not at all, JJ. I’m happy for you guys. Kie and I have kind of been waiting for you two to tell us.”

“What?”

Pope and Kie? Damn Kie, that conversation was supposed to be private. 

“We haven’t been…”

“No, I know! I mean, we just suspected you’d start. It’s cool. And I know I’ve given Topper shit, especially this week, but if you like him he must have some redeeming qualities.”

“I like to think that I do.”

“Oh, okay. Cool.” 

_Pope wasn’t mad. Kie wasn’t mad. Topper wasn’t calling it a mistake_. JJ let himself take a breath. 

“Sorry I freaked out at you, there, man.”

“I get why you were mad.”

“How much did you two hear?”

“More or less all of it,” Topper admitted. _Shit_.

“JB was being a dick,” Pope added, but his voice was gentle and reassuring. JJ gave him a small smile and took a seat on the third barstool. 

“At least we’ve got the gun now.”

“Where is it?”

“Out in the car. I think John B was holding it.”

“He’s still out there?”

“He just needs some time to cool off,” insisted Pope, “I’ll go out in a little bit and see how he’s doing.” 

Topper placed a hand on JJ’s back, subtly and lightly as if his fingers were barely touching JJ’s shirt. Well, it was Topper’s shirt. They were just so comfortable and weren’t covered in stains or littered with holes. JJ didn’t draw away from the touch.

“I think I’ll give you two some space. Maybe go check in on Kiara and Sarah.”

“Thanks, man.”

Pope gave JJ a pat on the shoulder as he left the room. Pope’s eyes were just as warm as they ever were and JJ was really glad he’d stopped yelling at Pope before things got ugly. 

“Well, today didn’t go like I thought it would,” Topper sighed, taking his hand off JJ’s back to run it through his hair. JJ rested his head on his fist and let himself just watch Topper, his movements, his eyes. It was really hard to recognize the Topper John B saw, but he knew they had to be the same guy somehow. 

“Is that good or bad?”

“Oh, definitely good.”

“Because we found the gun?”

“You know I’ve been dreaming about find the gun. Kissing the gun?”

“That’s a little bit kinky, my friend. Making out with guns and shit?”

“Mmm, hmm.” He was grinning and blushing and, _god_ , Topper with rosy cheeks was almost too much for JJ to bare. And he _liked_ JJ. It was a bit surreal, especially when everything else seemed to be crumbling around them. “We like each other, huh?”

“I’d say so.”

“You’re never wrong.”

“It’s truly one of my favorite things about myself.” Topper grinned and leaned in to kiss JJ. 

It was the first time they really kissed. The first one was a peck and it was sweet but it lasted like one second and JJ had been in completely shock. The kiss in the woods was somehow even shorter and twice as horrifying as the first. 

But _this_ kiss. This kiss was better than anything JJ had ever felt in his life. JJ was a good kisser, he’d been told that countless times. But Topper’s lips were rough and Topper’s hands were on either side of his face and something about that made JJ feel every single emotion. It felt way too good to have Topper touch him like that, it almost wasn’t even fair about safe it made him feel. 

Topper was the first to pull away and JJ’s lips felt cold and empty all of a sudden. This time when they pulled away they didn’t immediately jump apart, and neither was afraid or mad or confused. It was just a simple, good kiss, but it felt like crossing the ocean in a canoe. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

“How long?”

“Since the first day I saw you.”

And if that stupid comment turned JJ into a blushing schoolgirl, well, he just couldn’t help that. 

“Would’ve been a bit weird if you’d done that in Geometry class.”

“Right as always.” 

Topper wove their fingers together and JJ wished he could press pause on his life and just sit with this giddy feeling in his stomach. It didn’t matter that his mom left or dad thought he was worthless, it didn’t matter that he had no money and no future, it didn’t matter that he’d just had the biggest fight with John B. The only thing that matter was Topper _holding his hand_. 

“I promise you, this isn’t a game to me.” 

“I know it’s not, Top.”

“Good. I really do you care about you.”

“I know.” And he really did. Topper had done nothing but care since he found JJ in the boat garage. Even when JJ had been up and down with his feelings and in utter denial. Even when JJ had yelled at him for caring, Topper just kept caring. “I care about you too.” 

“So, what does that mean for us?”

“Like _us_ , us?”

“Can I take you out on a date? Can I kiss you again? Can we be like this at parties and school?”

“I think that would be okay.”

The grin had never left Topper’s cheeks but it grew and he leaned in to kiss JJ again. This time it was deeper, longer. JJ let his fingers brush through Topper’s hair and it was even softer against his fingertips than it had been on the back of his neck. 

_How had he ever hated Topper?_

“Look, I don’t want to ruin the energy right now,” Topper began once they’d pulled apart for air. Topper had an arm looped behind JJ’s wait and another brushing against his jaw so lightly that it tickled a bit. He never would guessed in a million years that Topper was this gentle. But it felt really, really nice to be held like that. “But maybe you should go see how your best friend’s doing? He’s been out there for a really long time.”

“I don’t wanna talk to him right now, Topper.”

“I know, he said a lot of shit.” Topper’s hand trailed up the side of his face and ran through his hair. JJ wondered how Topper could already tell what drove JJ crazy. “But he cares and I know you care a lot about him. Even just to see that he’s not dead?”

“Fine, but only because the dead body would start to smell.”

“How considerate of you.”

As much as he hated to do it, JJ tore away from Topper’s hands and opened the door to the garage. 

“Fuck.”

Immediately, JJ ran to the car where an empty plastic Ziploc bag was laying on the floor of the backseat. 

“Shit.”

Topper was standing in the doorway and JJ held out the bag to show him. 

“He’s gone. And he’s got the gun.”

“Rafe.”

“Fuck!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uhhhh, so much for the slow burn at this point. LOL. They may have admitted their feelings now, but it's not going to be smooth sailing just yet. I have a lot of ideas for where this fic could go but I've also never written this much consecutively for the same story, so I don't really know how many chapters this will end up being once it's finished. I don't ever map things out, I just start typing and see where the story wants to go. I definitely have some ideas though... Anyway, the support you all have given me for this has meant so, so much to me and every time I see your comments I get SO happy!! You are all the best and, even though this chapter is very angsty as well, I had to give you all a little more Topper and JJ being soft because at the end of the day that's why we're all here. Kudos to you all <3


	11. the one with the loaded gun

Sarah and Kie had been watching some HGTV show when Pope walked in. Two empty mugs sat on the nightstand beside the deck of cards they’d been playing with earlier. Kie had somehow managed to get Sarah to sit up, drink water, eat, and want to actually partake in activity for the first time in weeks. Sarah had even managed to smile a few times when she’d take Kie cards in Go Fish. Sarah sometimes forgot how good it felt to have a girl friend. 

In elementary and middle school, Sarah had had some other girl friends, it’s not like Kiara was the only girl who she’d even be friends with. The summer before freshman year, though, Sarah had started dating Topper and found herself completely isolated from all her friends. Everything was so much more intense with Topper than any of her middle school crushes or short-term relationships. She would’ve spent every single second of the day with Topper if she could’ve. She almost did. 

When school started back up in late August, Sarah found herself only ever hanging out with Topper and Topper’s friends—which was easy since most of them knew Rafe and already knew Sarah well enough. It was easy, but it was lonely too. And then she met Kie in her art class and the two were instantly the best of friends. Sarah had always cared about animals, but Kie knew so much about conservation and which species were and weren’t at risk to become extinct. Kie knew where every turtle sanctuary was and just how to help the baby sea turtles seek shelter from the seabirds. 

Sure enough, by the end of freshman year Sarah had fucked up yet another friendship and Kie absolutely despised her. Sarah wasn’t surprised, all her old girl friends felt the same. If she knew how to be a good friend, she would be, but the problem was that Sarah had absolutely no idea how to actually be a good friend without bailing the moment it got to be too much for her. 

Yet, despite all of that, Kie was still sitting on the bed beside Sarah. Kie was the only one who could pull Sarah out from the blackhole. 

Pope had a wild grin on his face when he walked into the room, and it only seemed to grow when he saw Sarah had crawled out of her duvet-cocoon. 

“Guess who’s paying the next time we go out, Kie.”

Kiara laughed sharply, putting a hand over her mouth. She turned to Sarah with hesitant eyes, her brows scrunching in uncertainty but still sparkling from the excitement of whatever it was Pope had just revealed. 

“What?” Sarah asked. 

“You’re not going to believe it.”

“What won’t I believe?”

“Can I?” Kie suddenly asked Pope, expression softer, but Sarah could tell Kie was holding back her excitement. 

“They’re not hiding it.”

“Who isn’t hiding what?”

“Sarah, promise me you’re not going to hide under the duvet when I tell you this.”

Kiara looked way too excited for this to be bad news. But if she was worried it might set Sarah off… What if Rafe had been caught? What if Peterkin was alive? What if they had found the gold?

“Topper and JJ are together.”

_What the fuck?_

“No, seriously though, what is it?”

Kiara huffed and looked to Pope for support. Kie wasn’t usually this dramatic. 

“They’re together. Like we caught them kissing tonight, together,” explained Pope. His voice was too calm and trustworthy for it to be sarcastic. Which could only mean…

_…it was true?_

“What?!”

“Don’t freak out!”

“I’m not freaking out. That’s just… I mean, he’s not…. Is he? Wouldn’t he have hold me? I feel like I would’ve noticed if he was…”

Maybe Sarah was freaking out a bit more than she realized because Kie was holding back more laughter. 

“I’m serious, I almost slept with him, Kie!”

Pope’s eyes widened at that and Kie let out the loud laugh she had been ever so ungracefully holding in. 

“And _JJ_? I’m sorry, but he hates JJ!”

“Do you know whose bedroom you and JB have been staying in?” Kie asked, calming herself down from the giggle fit and resting a hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “I’ll give you a hint, it’s Topper’s number one draft pick.”

“I just… I mean, what?”

“Pope didn’t handle this well at first either.”

“I handled it just fine.”

“Okay, I admit you have come around. But you didn’t get it at first.”

“At first? How long have you two known about them? Have they been dating this whole time?!”

Sarah could finally hear it in the high pitch of her voice that she was indeed freaking out a bit. Deep breath, deep breath.

“No! I mean, maybe. But if they were then JJ clearly didn’t know. So they actually kissed? Shit, did JB flip?” Kiara’s voice was suddenly extremely serious, all the laughter and excitement rushing out of her body and Sarah could almost feel its chill on her skin. 

_Was John B a homophobe or something? Wait, no. Topper had tried to kill John B._

“It was ugly.”

“Is JJ okay?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Shit. Should we go down?”

Pope shook his head, taking a seat at the end of the bed. 

“Still freaking out?” he asked Sarah. Sarah thought it was maybe the first time she and Pope had ever actually spoken to each other. He’d always been that geeky guy who sat in the front seat of class and asked about turning in homework. But up close he had maybe the calmest presence of anybody she had ever met. She felt a rush of warmth at the realization that _this_ was the guy Kie had chosen. 

He would be so good to her.

“A little. I mean, I’m not homophobic. I promise!”

“We believe you.”

“But I dated the guy for years and suddenly he’s gay or something?”

“I can assure you, if he likes guys, it’s not just a recent thing.”

“Why didn’t he tell me then?” _She could’ve supported him. Was he afraid to tell her?_

“Maybe he didn’t know how.”

“What do I do?”

“Just don’t be a dick about it and I’m sure they’ll both be fine,” Pope reassured her. 

And just when Sarah was about to finally take a breath, the two came running through the door and between their panting, they rushed out: 

“He’s gone!”

“With the gun!”

“We think he’s going after Rafe.”

“He’s going to get himself killed if we don’t stop him.”

* * *

Topper was starting the car and speeding down the road before he could bat an eye, all the Pogues and even Sarah piled up in his car. Sarah, who had looked more alive than Topper had seen her since before the storm, had begun to cry in the backseat. It wasn’t quiet and soft crying, it was gut wrenching sobs that made Topper feel sick to his stomach. Yet, she had led the run out to the car to chase after John B. 

Topper was all too aware of the situation they were driving into. He’d known Rafe since before he could talk. The guy was capable of anything. Some of the other guys were rough and angry and loved to provoke. But none like Rafe Cameron. Sometimes when Rafe would corner some Pogue in the hall or a particularly small freshman, it was like he got lost in the hunt. When Topper had pressed John B’s face into the ocean, when he almost didn’t let up…he’d felt that disgusting wave of power wash over him. It must be how Rafe felt every day. 

It was horrifying. 

It was part of why Topper was so desperate to become better. The way Rafe had tried to strike Pope with his golf club. And Topper couldn’t stop him. He had just let Pope lay there bloody and alone on the sand. He’d let his mother press charges for the boat. 

Yet, somehow, Pope _supported_ his relationship with JJ? 

_”Look, JJ’s a tough dude. But if you hurt him, Topper. I swear it’ll be the last thing you do.”_ Pope had warned before JJ and John B’s argument had exploded through the house. Topper figured he deserved that comment. 

And JJ. 

JJ who, just minutes ago, had his lips pressed against Toppers, hands combing through his hair. And everything had become, just, so _JJ, JJ, JJ, JJ._ And JJ was a _guy_ and they had kissed and Topper wanted to go on dates and watch the sunset over the water with him. 

And as weird as it should’ve felt, it was the most natural feeling in the world. 

“How haven’t we caught up to him yet? He doesn’t run that fucking fast?” Kie groaned from the back seat. She was so eager to find him that she didn’t even have her seatbelt on. Topper tried to suppress the urge to make a comment but he’d just found a place in her good graces. “Fuck, can’t you drive any faster?”

“I’m going 90 in a 60. So, no, I really can’t.”

“You’re going 90?!” Pope hollered but didn’t push the matter any further. Nobody wanted to slow down. Not when John B was running around with a loaded weapon. 

Sarah was practically having a panic attack in the backseat but, from the rearview mirror, Topper could see Kie holding her hand and trying to calm her down. 

“We’re gonna find him.”

JJ was fidgeting in his seat, eyes spinning left and right, but other than that he was maybe the calmest of the bunch. It _had_ been a pretty bad fight. Maybe JJ didn’t have much more fight left in him. Although, if that were true, he wouldn’t really be JJ Maybank. 

Topper turned onto the street where the Cameron’s lived and the entire car became silent. He pulled into the driveway. 

Kie, Pope, and Sarah were rolling out of the backseat before Topper could even take his keys out. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Topper tried to reassure JJ when he saw how JJ’s eyes had gotten a little lost. JJ shook his head, to leave whatever trance he seemed to be in. 

“Let’s just find him.” 

“We can do that.”

Topper and JJ ran to catch up with the rest of the group. Sarah pulled the spare key from out of one of the potted porch plants and let them inside. The house was dark and quiet. 

“Shh. Rafe’s room is just at the top of the stairs.”

Everybody followed Sarah up, quietly but quickly. 

The door was shut and there was no noise. Maybe he was already dead. 

“Let me,” she insisted, holding a finger over her lips. Gently, she parted the door from its hinge. Her entire body relaxed instantly. Closing the door again, she shook her head frantically and motioned for everybody to head back downstairs. 

They made it to the front door before feet began thumping upstairs. They all raced to the front porch when they heard Rose’s voice calling from the banister asking which kid was awake. 

“He knows where Rafe’s bedroom is. If he was here, he’d already be in there.”

“Are we sure that he was going after Rafe?” Pope asked. 

“I mean, not. But he’s been talking about killing the guy since he got home,” JJ explained. 

“Where else would he have gone with a loaded gun?” Kie exclaimed, lowering her voice when she remembered Rose might be able to hear her. 

“Should we split up and look for him?” Pope suggested. 

“I should stay here, in case he just hasn’t made it yet,” Sarah declared. 

“So, Pope? You and I will go look and, JJ, you and Topper can go look?”

“Okay.”

“Yeah, that’s good.”

“Everybody have their phone volume on, okay? If any of us find him, somebody needs to let us know as soon as possible.” 

“All hands on deck.”

“You two want the car?” Topper offered Kie. 

“Thanks, but actually I think we should go check the Chateau and it’s not that far from here. Maybe you two go to the bell tower or the lighthouse or something? Whatever you think. I’ll text you where we go so we’re not all searching the same places.”

“Okay, that’s smart,” JJ agreed. “Just don’t let him kill anybody.” 

“Same to you.” 

Topper was glad they’d decided to split up but, at the same time, wishing that they had the distraction of three very vocal friends in the backseat. Topper was still figuring out this new territory and that was even harder to do when you were on a manhunt. 

“I think we should check the bell tower first. If John B’s freaking out, that’s his place.”

“You sure, it’s all ashes now, man?”

“Can’t hurt to check.”

“Okay.”

But John B wasn’t at the bell tower. He wasn’t at the lighthouse. He wasn’t at the school. John B wasn’t at the Chateau and he seemed to be absolutely nowhere at all. 

“I didn’t want to ask you this, but how did you fight with John B end again?”

“What does that matter?”

“Maybe something you said will give us a clue of where he went. It’s okay, if you don’t want to say it out loud.”

“It’s okay, you basically heard it all already.” JJ thought for a moment as Topper drove out of the school’s parking lot and onto the main road. Unsure of where to turn, Topper began down the road for the Cut. “I mean, mostly about him leaving and me having nowhere else to go.”

“Nothing about a place?”

“Nowhere else to go,” JJ repeated, as if it had trigged something in his mind. When he looked to Topper, JJ looked certain. “I know where he is.”

* * *

There was a light cascading out the front door when they pulled up to JJ’s house. That wasn’t a surprise. The door was rarely closed and more often than not Luke fell asleep without turning any of the lights out, too drunk to turn off the oven or the tv. But it was loud. Not, crazy sex partner loud either. Yelling loud. John B’s voice _yelling_. 

“Oh fuck.”

“Shit.”

“Stay in the car,” JJ pleaded, jumping out the passenger door as Topper exited as well. 

“No way in hell.”

“He’ll kill you!”

“You seriously think I’m letting you go in there alone?”

“Fuck, I don’t have time for this.” JJ paused at the door. “Just stay behind me.”

“I’m right beside you.” 

JJ didn’t have time to argue. 

The sight in front of him simultaneously all too familiar and completely foreign. Luke was drunk off his rockets, teetering back and forth on his legs like a bull getting ready to charge. But his hands were up. Perhaps in a feigning surrender, because he waved them around as the smirk on his face jumped from cheek to cheek. 

And John B was holding the gun outright. Aimed directly at Luke. 

“Woah, woah. Put the gun away, John B.”

“Yeah, _John B_ ,” slurred Luke, “Put the gun away.” 

“Hey, man. You don’t have to do this,” Topper tried, stepping closer and closer to JJ. Between JJ and his dad and JJ couldn’t have that. 

“Don’t be a fucking hero. Put down the gun!”

“You heard him, kid. Don’t wanna make him cry,” sung Luke, snarky and sleepy and full of cheap whiskey. 

Maybe JJ was crying, but that was the least of his worries right now. Any moment now Luke could reach out and take any of them down. He could kill all three if he wanted. John B could kill Luke. Any of them could kill Luke. Everybody had the motive and nobody seemed to let up. 

“This what it’s come to now, boy? Getting your little friends to clean up your messes?”

“Shut the hell up!” John B screamed, the gun trembling between his fingers. “Just shut up!” 

“Don’t listen to him, John B. He wants this. He wants you to be mad.”

“You think you can run off with your little rich friend. You think the fucking police don’t care about the restitutions you owe. You know how much fucking money I owe because you sunk my boat, boy?”

“SHUT UP!” 

The gunshot was the loudest one JJ had ever heard. And he had grown up on the Cut, he’d heard a thousand gunshots. He fired guns hundreds of times. It never sounded that loud. 

“The hell is wrong with your friend?” 

The bullet has crashed through the window and John B dropped it on the ground, backing away from it as if it were on fire. Topper snatched it from the floor and unloaded the bullets just as JJ tugged on John B’s arm. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and John B’s entire body was shaking. 

“You little fuckers. You owe me a new window, now.” 

When Luke swung around to assess the window damage, in his drunken mess, fell against the couch with a groan and the three took it as the opportunity to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, John B. You absolute mess of a boy. At least the gun didn't go off, we don't want any more teens turning into killers here! Also there will be no homophobic reactions by any of JJ's friends in this story because that is not the energy we are trying to create, tolerant friends only please. Even if, like our boy John B, they are sort of terrible at showing their support sometimes. I hope you all liked this chapter. I know I've made John B to be a bit of an ass, but he sort of is sorry! Don't worry though, he will come around eventually. I have some plot to work through before we can sail into the purely fluff territory, but it's coming eventually! Thanks for all the love, it seriously just astounds me how kind everybody has been. Kudos to you all my lovely, lovely readers <3


	12. the one where jj gets overwhelmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for a panic attack

“I’m so sorry, man. I thought… I don’t know, I thought if I could just do this one thing that you could be free!”

“Free? You had a gun to his head.”

“You almost did it yourself.”

JJ slapped John B across the face for that one, his vision too red for him to do anything but. 

“Okay. Hey, it’s okay.”

 _Topper_. He guided JJ to take a step back, get John B out of his bubble. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think it through you were just so mad and I’ve never done enough to help you and this felt like the only way I could make things right.”

“How would killing my dad make things right? You think you can just off him and suddenly my life is going to be rainbows and sunshine?”

“Yeah, actually, I did think that.”

“He’s still my fucking dad, man!”

Topper held JJ back before he could launch himself at John B. 

“Let’s get out of here before anything else happens, okay?”

John B and JJ agreed, despite their prides, and climbed into the car. 

“I’m sorry, JJ,” John B said softly about halfway back to Topper’s house. JJ sent a text to the others and tried to ignore how sincere John B sounded. “I should’ve called sooner. I shouldn’t have left at all.”

JJ could feel Topper’s eyes on him and it helped, but it also made JJ even tenser. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have in the car with Topper there. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have at all. JJ was in no mood to make up right now. 

“I’ve been a shit friend since my dad disappeared and I know that now. I guess I’m still being a shit friend. I’m not trying to, I swear.”

“I know.” And, _fuck,_ that sounded like a whimper. Topper struck his hand out too squeeze JJ’s shoulder. It was not the time for this conversation. JJ was not about to start crying. Nope.

“Just tell me what to do, JJ. I’ll do whatever you want, just say the word.”

JJ took a breath that was far too shaky for him to trust his own voice. He shook his head but wasn’t sure if John B saw it or not.

“Do you want me to leave? I’ll leave. Do you want to go to Yucatan? I’ll get you there, man.”

And JJ hadn’t begun to cry, absolutely not. 

“Seriously, stop. Can’t you see you’re making things worse!”

Topper was yelling and JJ was crying now, trying not to let it turn into sobs and John B was rambling and the air inside the car was stuffy and warm and John B had held a gun to Luke’s head and…

And the car was on the shoulder of the road and Topper kept asking JJ to count but there wasn’t any breath coming into his lungs so he couldn’t open his mouth to count. 

“Just to ten, I’ll do it with you.”

_But the air. He couldn’t get the air!_

“One.”

“One.”

“Just like that. Two.”

“Two.”

By five, JJ was starting to feel the air. By ten he could hear his heart beating again, could feel Topper’s hands on his skin. From the reflection in the window, JJ could see John B was crying too. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

And if this wasn’t JJ’s worst nightmare come to life, he wasn’t sure what was. It was already uncomfortable enough to be stuck in a car with Topper and John B who both furiously hated each other, and then to have John B freaking out after trying to kill his dad, and _then_ to have a panic attack in front of both of them. JJ was positive he’d gotten shot and had been sent directly to Hell. 

“Do you want a minute, or should I head home?”

“Home?”

“Okay, let’s go home.”

Topper’s right hand didn’t leave JJ’s for the entire drive home. JJ couldn’t help how tightly he held on. Not that night, not after everything they had just been through. 

As they pulled up to the house, JJ noticed Pope, Kie, and Sarah all waiting on the porch steps. Sarah came running down to the driveway as the car pulled in. She was opening up the back door and flinging herself around John B before JJ could even get his seatbelt undone—which was twice as hard with only one hand.

The thought of having any more people look at him or speak to him almost sent JJ into another panic. 

“You want to just go upstairs? We can just go lay down?”

 _Topper._ How did he know exactly what JJ needed? How did he know how to constantly talk JJ down off the ledge? How the fuck was he so good at taking care of people? How was JJ letting somebody else take care of him like that. 

Topper’s hand thumb grazed back and forth over his wrist as he waited for JJ to respond. 

“I can’t handle them right now,” he admitted quietly, trying to conceal the crack in his voice. This night couldn’t get any worse. 

“Hey, JJ. It’s alright. Let’s just get out of the car and I’ll take care of them all.”

“No!” He tugged back Topper’s hand to keep in the car. “I-I don’t think I can be alone right now.”

“I’m not gonna leave you.”

“You won’t?”

“We can just walk right on upstairs and just lay together. I can get you some of my pajamas.”

Topper had a cheeky grin on his face and somehow that made JJ forget Kie and Pope and Sarah and John B where even there at all. 

“Yeah, okay.” _Fuck_ , the tears were back. Topper’s hand slipped out of JJ’s and before he knew what was happening Topper was waiting for him outside the passenger door wove their hands together once again.

“What happened?” asked Pope, running up to them. 

“Why is everybody crying?” added Kie. 

“He needs some space,” Topper responded, and before JJ could even processes the conversation, Topper was leading him into the house and up to Topper’s bedroom. The door closed softly and the duvet was squishy and warm and Topper was digging some clothes out of his closet by the time JJ recognized his surroundings. “Want these?”

 _Of course he wanted the pajamas, what a stupid question._ JJ just nodded and took the clothes from Topper and setting them in his lap. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t apologize, okay? This has been like the weirdest night ever and I’m pretty sure everybody spent most of it crying.”

“Not just for that.”

“For what, then, JJ? Because you haven’t done anything worthy of an apology all night.”

“I’m the reason all of this shit keeps happening.” _He sounded so pathetic right now._ But it was hard to feel pathetic when Topper was sitting down right beside him, thigh to thigh, and wrapping an arm over his shoulders. 

“I don’t think that’s true. People have been getting themselves killed over the Royal Merchant since it sunk.”

“He wanted to quit and I convinced him it was a good idea to go after it.”

“That doesn’t make this your fault. John B can make his own decisions.”

“I’m the reason John B almost shot somebody. I’m the reason my dad is practically already dead.”

“JJ, that’s not—”

“Don’t. You can say it’s not my fault but he didn’t drink like that before my mom left and she left because she didn’t want to be a mother. Not because she didn’t want to be a wife.”

“JJ, you can’t blame yourself for the shitty decisions other people make.”

“I didn’t make those decisions for them. But I’m sure as hell the reason they made those decisions.”

“That’s shitty logic. You’re smarter than that.”

“Maybe if you were smarter, you’d understand.”

JJ wanted that to hurt, but Topper’s eyes were still soft and warm and staring far too intently at JJ as he cried. JJ wiped some of the tears away but it seemed pointless since they just kept coming. 

“Then I must be pretty stupid, because that doesn’t make any sense.” 

“You get fractions?”

“Sure, I get them.”

“Well they may be independent variables, but they all have one common denominator. Me.”

“JJ. You don’t actually believe that, right?”

JJ just shrugged, not wanting to seem even more pathetic by verbalizing what Topper seemed to already understand. 

“John B didn’t try to kill your dad because of you. He tried to kill him because John B fucked up and he didn’t know how else to make things right. And I don’t know much about your mom and dad but I know mine fuck me over all the time. Parents are just shit sometimes and…” Topper paused for a moment and JJ could see his eyes watery and threatening to spill out, “…and it’s not our fault we were born to people who have no fucking business being parents.” 

“None.”

“You know better than I do that all we get is the hand we’re dealt, JJ. None of that is in our control.”

JJ shook his head, letting himself lean further and further against Topper’s chest. He was so sturdy and muscular and big and nothing like any girl who had ever put her arms around JJ. It made him feel small, and instead of the fury that usually imploded inside of JJ when he was made to feel small, it only made him feel safe. 

“How do you make yourself believe all that?”

“I’ve always been a fan of _fake it ‘til you make it_ philosophies.”

“Do you believe it?”

“Most days. Not all, though.” Topper’s grip tightened around JJ. 

“I guess most days is better than none.”  
JJ felt lips pressing against his forehead and tugged at Topper’s jaw to bring their lips together. The kiss was salty and sloppy but it brought the air back into JJ’s lungs. 

“You want to talk about what happened tonight?”

“Tonight was the most embarrassing night of my life.”

“Come on.”

“It was! I mean first we’re both fucking outed and then everybody in the neighborhood hears me bitching at John B. Then, I basically have a panic attack in the most awkward car ride imaginable and then continue to freak out in front of literally everybody I care about and now I’m just blubbering like a child and whining to you about it. And you’re just so calm and mature and thoughtful and shit.” 

Maybe his speech was the thing that actually brought the air back into his lungs. 

“So I’m mature and thoughtful?”

 _Of course_ , that’s what Topper took away from that. _Of course_ , Topper took the opportunity to embarrass JJ even more. 

“You are thoughtful.”

“You’re so cute when you blush.”

“Shut up, I already told you I’m very embarrassed right now.”

“So cute.”

“You’re an ass.”

Topper pressed a kiss to his lips again and JJ couldn’t help but chuckle into it, relishing in the only peace he had felt for hours. 

“Gonna look so cute in my clothes, too.”

“Shut up!”

“You know you love it.”

Maybe he did love it. A little. _A lot_. But Topper’s clothes were _Topper’s_ clothes. JJ couldn’t help it if they comforted him. Hell, the guy was just kissing him, why should JJ be embarrassed for liking him? 

“I’d offer you mine, but, uh.”

Topper grinned, biting down on his bottom lip to hold back a laugh. 

“That’s very thoughtful of you.”

“I don’t think you could pull them off, actually.”

“I’m not cute enough for your backwards caps?”

“You just don’t have the face for it. Not everybody can be as effortlessly handsome as me.”

“We really can’t, can we?”

Topper’s lips were colliding against his own, rougher than any of their kissed had been yet. Topper even opened his mouth into the kiss for JJ’s tongue to explore. Topper’s hands snaked around his waist and everything felt lighter, higher, easier. To his dismay, eventually Topper pulled back. 

“At least one good thing happened tonight.”

“What would that be?”

Was Topper really going to make JJ spell it out for him? Not that JJ wasn’t dying to say it out loud. 

“You want to date me!”

“I am dating you!”

“It’s pretty embarrassing, actually, how much you want to date me.”

JJ knew he’d pressed a button be didn’t realize what he had sparked in Topper when he said that because suddenly Topper was manhandling JJ onto his back and leaning all of his body weight over him. _That was certainly a new feeling_ , having a guy lingering on top of him. 

And if JJ had any doubt left in his mind that he wasn’t straight. Well, that just about cleared it all up. 

JJ pulled Topper down by the back of neck against his lips. Topper didn’t fight it at all. His hands roaming up and down JJ’s chest, pressing kissed against the side of his neck. He didn’t let his hands go further than JJ’s chest and, truthfully, JJ was glad. Everything was still too new, and tonight had already been too eventful to add _that_ into the mix. 

Topper pulled himself away and off of JJ. 

“What are you doing?” _That sounded too much like a whine_. Topper just smirked in response. 

“I’m just gonna put some pajamas on and brush my teeth.”

“How mature.”

“So you don’t want to wear my clothes to bed?”

JJ scowled, holding the clothes against his chest. 

“You’re playing with fire now.”

As Topper changed and got ready to sleep, JJ stripped off his shorts and Topper’s sweatshirt—which were drenched in sweat—and replaced them with the sweatpants and t-shirt Topper had given him. The t-shirt was too big but the pants were fine since they had a drawstring. He crawled straight into the bed, flicking off the lamp on the nightstand so the room was dim, the only light flowing in from Topper’s bathroom. Eventually that light went out too and JJ felt the mattress dip. 

“I’m not usually this…well, emotional,” JJ pondered softly once the two had gotten settled. Topper had drawn JJ closer than they had been the night before. JJ let his head rest on Topper. Everything was easier when it was dark and late at night. 

“Life isn’t usually this crazy.”

“I just mean, I’m not going to just bring everything down all the time.”

Based on how much tighter Topper’s hold became, JJ figured he had said something wrong. 

“You don’t bring anything down. You can’t keep talking like this, JJ.”

“You mean being honest?”

“I mean, you can’t put the world on your shoulders.”

“Like you don’t?”

“Me?”

“You’re singlehandedly housing and feeding three homeless teens, constantly driving me back and forth to work and to school. And you want to tell me not to take on the weight of the world?”

“I like taking care of people.”

“You don’t say.”

Topper chuckled, resting his cheek against the top of JJ’s head. 

“I like taking care of you.”

 _That was a warm feeling. Really fucking warm_. 

“I don’t need you to take care of me all the time. I can like be there for you too.”

“I know. I know that, I wasn’t trying to say that you won’t. I just mean I like having you here and I like being able to make all that weight on your shoulders a little bit lighter.” 

“Did you look up that line or something?”

“I’ve been rehearsing it in the mirror for months.”

“Way to seize the opportunity to finally use it. Really, bravo.”

Sleep was beginning to creep up on JJ, his eyes drooping and his limbs jellying out under the covers. 

_It wouldn’t be so bad to fall asleep like this_.

“You know, Top, I never thought the first person I’d date would be you.”

“It’s a story you’ll be telling your kids one day.”

 _Kids. That felt a bit too domestic for a first date. A first date_. 

“If I had any money I’d ask you to go on a date with me tomorrow night.”

“We don’t need money to go on a date.”

“Dinner and a movie aren’t exactly free.”

“I’m sure we can think of something else to do.”

“We could go smoke on the beach?”

“Or we could go surf on the beach.”

“You aren’t scared that I’m gonna beat your nationally-ranked ass?”

“I’ve love to see you try.” 

“It’s a date then.”

“A date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a result of having very little Topper and JJ in the last chapter and my heart just needing JJ to have some bliss in the midst of all this chaos. Our boys deserve it. And they're gonna go on a date?! Finally, right? More plot for JB/Sarah/Pope/Kie/etc. coming soon but this chapter it's just JJ and his boy. All of your feedback, as always, has been so amazing and I just love hearing your reactions and ahh, it just warms my heart because I'm really enjoying writing this. Kudos to you all <3


	13. the one where topper has a revelation

Topper pulled himself out of JJ’s arms sooner than he would’ve like to that next morning but he had to pee so badly he almost couldn’t stand it anymore. Once he was out of the bed there was really no use getting back in. Topper quietly shut the door behind him and went downstairs to find something to eat and coffee to drink. 

To his surprise, Sarah was already up and sitting at the table. 

“Good morning.”

And she was being friendly?

“You sleep okay?”

“Not a single minute. And you?”

“As good as I could’ve after a night like that. You feeling any better, at least?”

“I think so; Kie helped me out a lot yesterday.”

“That’s really good to hear, Sarah.”

Topper plopped the coffee filter into the machine and scooped five tablespoons of ground beans on top of it. 

It certainly was weird. Just a month ago this was what Topper had dreamed of. Waking up with Sarah and having breakfast together and just living life. And now when he looked at Sarah all he could think about was her saying, _You don’t love me. You just love the idea of me_. He hadn’t understood what she had meant until he kissed JJ. Now he understood perfectly. 

_Had she known all along?_

“So you and JJ?” she asked, as if she was reading his mind. Topper wouldn’t put it past her to be able to do. 

“We’re together.”

Topper really had been happy when they were together. Nothing about it had been fake. But nothing about it had been entirely real either. 

“That’s uh…a surprise.”

“It was to me too, actually.”

“Are you happy? With him.”

“It’s still pretty new, but I’m really happy.”

“Then I guess everything worked out for you in the end.”

“Sarah.”

“No, really. I’m very happy for you.”

“I tried to help you and John B that night. Even after you cheated on me with him.”

Sarah sighed as if she thought Topper was overreacting. The behavior reminded Topper of some of the far less happy moments from when they were dating. When he watched her make out with John B at midsummers and she scoffed when he asked her about it. 

“I just can’t believe you would use me like that.”

“Use you? What the hell are you talking about, Sarah?”

“I mean, if you were gay all this time then why did you string me along for two years?”

“I thought I was in love with you!”

“You should’ve known!”

“You shouldn’t have fucking cheated on me.”

“I didn’t mean to do that.” _She sounded serious_ and Topper wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk right off of her face. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“And I didn’t mean to string you along. I really did care about you.”

“Thank you.”

“And it really did hurt when you starting cheating on me. Don’t do that shit to John B.”

Her eyes were wide and he could tell she was shocked he’d said that. 

“He and JJ really had it out last night it sounds like.”

“Did he tell you about what happened?”

“More or less. I mean, he was so out of it that I only got bits and pieces of the story but I think I could put them together.”

“He tell you about how he almost killed JJ’s dad.”

Sarah just nodded, eyes dark and the bags seemed to pull them further down to her cheeks. 

“If he pulls something like that again and we’re not there in time to stop him. Well, there’s no way anybody is going to believe he’s innocent in Peterkin’s murder.”

“I know that.”

“I believe John B, I really do. But can you promise me it was Rafe who pulled the trigger.”

“You seriously think John B would do that?”

“I almost watched him do it last night.”

“He had no motive.”

“Sarah, I want to believe you. Please, just tell me it was Rafe.”

“It was Rafe.”

“What was Rafe?”

Speak of the devil, John B was strolling into the kitchen, taking a seat beside Sarah and pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

“Morning, Val.”

“Vlad.”

 _Weird nicknames_. 

“Topper.”

“You good this morning, bro?”

“Okay. How’s JJ?”

“Upset.”

“He has every reason to be.”

“He does. Why the fuck did you think killing his dad was going to be a good idea?”

John B’s face deadpanned and then he shrugged gently, not much humor behind it, only exhaustion. 

“You know about Luke.”

“I do. And I also know JJ well enough to know he doesn’t want the guy dead.”

“Maybe you know him better than I do, then.”

“Maybe.”

Sarah, suddenly squirming in her seat, must’ve grown too uncomfortable by the tension in the air and gave John B a pat on the shoulder before heading out of the kitchen to give them some space. 

“I just didn’t know what else to do, okay? He was just so mad and sad and—I mean, you know how he can be—he won’t let anybody help him or even clue you in on how to help him. I just thought that maybe _it_ would’ve helped. Obviously, it was a really stupid thing to do.”

“You almost killed somebody, dude.”

“I know. Fuck. I know, Topper.”

“Do you need some help?”

“What?”

“Do you want some help? If you were really read to shoot somebody last night, and I think you were, then I think you could probably use some help.”

“You’re already helping more than you probably should. I mean, Sarah’s your ex, dude, and I’m like public enemy number one around here.” 

“Not that kind of help. Like do you want to talk to somebody kind of help.”

“Talk to somebody? Like a therapist? The hell.”

“I’m being serious. I know some good people. I don’t know, maybe it’s not for you. But I know it done a lot of good for a lot of people to talk to somebody.”

“Have you ever?”

“Of course, I work through my shit, man.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean it sounds okay in concept but I’m also kind of wanted for murder and broke as shit right now, so I think it’s going to be a no at the moment.”

“Point taken.”

“Thanks though. I don’t know really know why you’re still letting me crash here let alone trying to help me.”

“You’re important to JJ.” It was an easy answer. 

“And he’s important to you?”

“He’s the most important thing in my life right now.”

“Damn.”

“Look, I’m sorry I’ve been a dick to you. I know you can’t stand me and, in all honesty, I’m not your biggest fan either. But I’m willing to look past all that.”

“Easy for you to say when you were the one pushing me off the bell tower.”

“I really am sorry.”

“I’m willing to look past it to. I think last night on the drive home I realized instead of trying to murder his dad, I probably should’ve just been supporting JJ. Like with you and all.”

“I think you know JJ better than you think.”

“I still don’t like you, though. Just to be clear.”

“I don’t like you either. But if it makes JJ happy, then the least I can do is tolerate you.”

“You’ve done more than just tolerate me. I’d probably be in jail if you hadn’t let Sarah and I crash here.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Thank you.”

And that was perhaps the nicest thing John B had ever said to Topper. Not perhaps, easily the nicest thing. 

“Don’t you dare hurt him.”

“You either.”

* * *

JJ had hit snooze so many times on the alarm that by the time he woke up, he was running after Topper to get into the car and head to school. At first, JJ had had considered just staying home and lying in bed and eating Doritos all day. But when he remembered he’d be all alone with John B and Sarah and suddenly school seemed far less scary. 

They were late, of course, but only by about ten minutes. 

The moment he sat down at his desk, Kie was sliding a note across the table to him. 

_What happened? Pope and I have been worried sick all night._

“Hey, man, you have a pen?” JJ asked the kid sitting next to him and, when he handed one to JJ, he scribbled his response on the other side of the paper. 

_Long story. Will explain after class._

Kie read the note and gave JJ a nod. Their history teacher had a very strict no chatter policy and JJ certainly did not want to explain their discussion to the rest of the class. JJ tried to keep himself alert between fading in and out of sleepiness but after half an hour the first period bell was ringing and Kie was stuck on his side like glue. 

And then furiously, but in a whisper:

“What the hell happened? Are you okay? How about John B? Where was he?”

“Slow down. I can’t answer your questions if you never stop asking.”

“JJ!”

“I’m okay. John B’s…well, physically he’s okay but mentally that’s just a whole other thing. He was at my house, actually.”

“What was he doing there?”

JJ took a look around to make sure nobody was paying attention as the pair walked down the hall toward Kie’s locker. 

“He was going to kill Luke.”

“Shit, are you serious?”

“Wish I wasn’t.”

“But he didn’t, right?”

“Shot a hole through the window, but that’s all he could manage.”

“Thank God. Last thing he needs is to actually be guilty of murder.”

“Right?”

“And how are you? Like, for real, how are you?”

“I’m tired.”

“Things were just starting to calm down.”

“And then hurricane JB comes to town.”

Kie rolled her eyes but he lips tugged and JJ could tell she thought it was funny. 

“He really hates Topper.”

“Your boyfriend?”

It was JJ’s turn to roll his eyes. And maybe go a little red. 

“Not my boyfriend.”

“Not yet, but you two kissed? And Pope and JB were there? That’s so awkward, I’m so sorry!”

“Hands down one of the most awkward moments of my life.”

“And I heard you handled it so gracefully, too.”

“Shut up, Kiara.”

“I love you, JJ. And I support you one hundred percent.”

“Thanks, Kie. For like all of it.”

“All of it?”

“I had never even heard the word bisexual until you told me.”

“Is that what you are?”

“I think so. I mean, it sounds right to me.” 

“I think it sounds wonderful. And Topper is like surprisingly wonderful too, it seems.”

“He sort of is.” 

“I’m really happy for you, JJ.” 

“And I’m really going to be late for Biology.” 

Kie blew him a kiss as he darted off down the high, a lightness to his step that hadn’t been there the night before.

* * *

“Those waves kicked my ass out there,” JJ groaned, setting his board on the sand and collapsing onto his back. 

“With a sky this clear, I really hadn’t expected waves that rough.”

“Are we supposed to get a storm or something?”

“Who knows. I haven’t looked at the weather in months.”

“Maybe it’ll be a heatwave.”

“Because you’re coming in hot?”

“Come on, let me finish my line!”

Topper couldn’t help himself with that one and instead leaned in to press a kiss against JJ’s lips. 

“You want to get something to eat?”

“Like this?” he asked, the top half of his wetsuit tied around his waist and sand falling out of his hair. 

“We can pick up?”

“And be stuck on a double date with John B and Sarah?”

“You’re right, we definitely shouldn’t go home yet. We could bring the food down here and have like a picnic.”

“What a gentleman.” 

And JJ had to know exactly what he was doing when he teased Topper like that. Especially when he had no shirt on and his lips were only inches from Topper’s. 

Topper’s stomach let out a screeching moan and JJ just laughed at him. 

“Let’s have ourselves a picnic.” 

Topper tucked his board under his left arm and held JJ’s hand with his right as they walked down the beach to where Topper had parked the car. There weren’t many people on the beach, but there was enough that it gave Topper a little adrenaline rush as the thought of everybody seeing them together. Everybody seeing how handsome the guy was holding his hand. 

“I talked to Kie today at school.”

“About last night?”

“About me.”

“Oh, what about you?”

“I told her I was bi.”

“You are?”

“Is that okay?”

“Of course. I just, well, I didn’t know that. I’m glad you told me.”

“I think I’ve maybe always known,” JJ continued, swinging their hands ever so slightly as they walked, “but I just didn’t have the words for it.” 

“Isn’t that weird? That we can live our whole lives without even being able to explain who we are?”

“I’m really glad I didn’t have to wait my whole life to figure that one out.”

“Me too.”

He pressed another kiss to JJ’s lips—he really could do that all day—and then unlocked the car so they could throw their boards in the back and head out. 

“I’m gay,” Topper said as they pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. 

“Really? I had no idea!”

“JJ, I’m trying to come out to you right now.”

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. Thanks though, for telling me.”

“I think deep down, I’ve probably always known. But I don’t think I ever consciously knew that I wasn’t straight. I thought I was in love with Sarah.”

“But you weren’t?”

“Not really. I loved having somebody to love, but I wasn’t in love with her.”

“That makes sense.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“I don’t know. Never before.”

Topper took his eyes off the road for a minute to look JJ in the eyes. 

“Before?”

“Before you.”

_Before you. Before you. Before you._

“Me?”

“Maybe. I mean, probably. I think so.” 

“You think you’re maybe, probably in love with me?”

Every time JJ’s cheeks went red it took everything Topper had not to melt into the floor in a pile of putty. 

“Maybe.”

“Well, maybe I love you too.” 

“You do?”

“I do.”

JJ wove their fingers together and Topper wished he wasn’t driving and could kiss JJ, could wrap his arms around him and breath him in. 

What Topper had felt with Sarah was nothing like this. His love for her had been shallow deep, careful and strategic. She was beautiful, she loved him, they worked. But with JJ, Topper could feel it in his bones and his nerves and every last inch of his skin that he loved JJ. And to hear JJ say it back was like lighting a spark under his heel, igniting his entire body in a fury of warmth and light. 

_JJ loved him._

“Pizza good?”

“Pizza’s good with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to give John B and Sarah a redemption-arc, I really am. They're both just so....problematic, that I can't seem to do it. They just need some time, and I still love the problematic fools but they won't get forgiveness here as quickly (and I need something to keep driving the plot, lol). This is somewhat of a filler chapter, so I hope you guys still like it. It's also almost entirely dialogue which is so crazy because most of what I write is like at most 25% dialogue. I think because their voices are so similar in the show to how most people I know talk, it's just a bit easier to write for them. I don't know, it's hard to tell when dialogue sounds good or just cringey. I think next chapter I am going to try and make it less dialogue-heavy though. Anyway, hope you all enjoy, my lovelies. Kudos to you all <3


	14. the one where the ocean can’t stop a tsunami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for child abuse in the second half of this chapter

“I think we need to find a new place to stay,” Sarah announced softly, her hands wound in the strings of John B’s hoodie as they lay curled together on Topper’s sectional. The memories of being with Topper had started to disappear from Sarah’s mind, replaced instead by images of John B lying beside her in bed and sitting across the table from her in the mornings and at dinnertime. 

Everything with John B was different than it had been with Topper. Although far more dramatic, it was somehow so much calmer to be in John B’s presence. She had never felt as guarded. Even in near death, just reaching out to hold onto John B was enough to ease all of her fears. And they were certainly more domestic. More domestic than Sarah had ever been with another human being. Easily. 

“You think?” he asked, only half in the conversation as he focused on the movie. It was some action movie that Sarah had never heard of and, quite frankly, she was bored to death watching it. After living through all the chaos of the summer, the fight scenes were a bit dull. 

“I mean, we haven’t exactly made it easier for Topper and JJ.”

John B drew his attention away from the movie at their names.

“Can you see them together?”

“I mean, not really. But they seem happy.”

“It’s weird though, right? Like, they used to hate each other.”

“I hated you at first.”

“Ouch. But fair, I see your point.”

“I mean, Topper never looked _that_ happy when we were together.”

John B was quiet for a moment, looking out toward the tv but clearly lost in his thoughts, not actually watching the movie. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen JJ like this. I think it’s happiness, but I don’t really know.”

Sarah didn’t know enough about JJ to give her opinion. In fact, she knew almost nothing about the guy despite having gone to the same school as him since Kindergarten. They were never in the same class and never had any mutual friends. Sometimes at recess she would see him running around, wreaking havoc, and yelling at the top of his lungs. But that wasn’t much different from any of the other elementary schoolers. In high school she knew a few girls who had either made out or hooked up with him, but she never cared enough to ask for details, to ask about _him_. 

She had never asked about John B either. Well, until the fall of sophomore year when he came to school looking jacked on the first day of school, sun-kissed and bandana around his neck. All the girls suddenly started talking about John B this and JJ that. Sarah had Topper though, at the time, so she never paid the talk much attention. 

“Is Topper a good guy? Like underneath all of the… _Topper-ness_?”

Sarah knew Topper could be an asshole sometimes, she’d known it when they started dating. He loved to talk a big game, trash on Pogues and messing with the guys, but when it came down to it Topper didn’t have much bite behind his bark. She’d watched him break up enough fights—most of which Rafe had started—to know he wasn’t as big of a jerk as he liked to appear. And he had fretted over her constantly. To the point where it had actually gotten annoying at times, but mostly just a fun way to tease him. He would go with her to clean up trash on the beach sometimes, went with her to church every now and then. 

“He’s a good guy. I promise.”

“Good, that’s good.” 

John B’s gaze returned back to the tv and he leaned further against Sarah’s chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, twirling the ends of his waves around her index finger under they bounced out of her grip. 

“But I think we really should get out of their space. Don’t you think it’s a bit weird that we’re here?”

“More than a bit.”

“John B!”

“You’re totally right. I just don’t know where else we could go.”

“Maybe we could go home?”

John B sat up, pulling out of Sarah’s arms so he could look her in the eyes. 

“If we go home, we’re going to jail. _I’m_ going to jail. I can’t do that, Sarah!”

“And I can’t keep living like this!”

“At least we have each other.”

“But that’s all we have! I want to see my sister, I want to go to school, I want to go to the grocery store or the beach or just go for a walk without being afraid.”

“But while you’re doing all of that, I’m going to be sitting in a cell.”

“I can get you a good lawyer.”

“With your dad’s money? To sue your brother.”

“What am I supposed to do, John B? We have no more money and we’re already living our lives contained, in fear, isolated.”

“But this isn’t prison, Sarah. This is a mansion where we can be together and watches movies. This isn’t a prison.”

“It feels like a prison.”

Sarah figured John B took her statement as _him_ being like a prison because his body went extremely tense and he ran a hand down his chin. 

“Tell me what to do. To make things better.”

“I don’t know what to do. But I can’t keep living like this, baby.”

“Why don’t you go home,” he asked softly, reaching out to cup her cheek. “I can stay here or go find someplace else to crash and you can live your life until we figure all this out.”

“I don’t want to do this without you.”

“That’s our only option though, Sarah. It’s either we down together and we’re apart, or you go home and we’re apart. At least that way you could live your life. You could finally see your sister.” 

“No.” Maybe it was selfish to want everything to just work out, but it’s all Sarah wanted. Things shouldn’t be this hard. She’d spent her whole life trying to be a good person. Well, to an extent. She was nice to strangers and always gave people birthday gifts, she cared about animals and children. So why was this the way her life was unraveling? “I don’t want to be without you.”

“The only way we can be together is to hide. Can you do that?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” 

“Well, think about. And really think about it. Because if you really want to go home, I’m not going to stop you.” 

“I love you, Vlad.”

“Love you more, Val.”

* * *

“You need a ride tonight, man?” one of JJ’s coworkers asked when their Friday closing shift ended early. Topper had probably already left, so JJ decline the offer. 

“Alright, bro. Goodnight.”

“Night, dude.”

JJ watched the others start up their cars and drive away, the only light left behind was from the street lamps in front of the Wreck. A little bit of moonlight reflected off the water, luring JJ to the end of the dock where he took a seat. 

So much had changed in JJ’s life the past month. First he lost his best friend, then he moved out, then he moved in with Topper, then he started _dating_ Topper, and then suddenly John B was alive. Suddenly, JJ had a job, a warm bed, a boyfriend, and food in his belly. Most of the change was for the better, absolutely. But there was so much distance between JJ and John B, there was so much distance between JJ and his dad. At least there wasn’t as much distance between JJ, Pope, and Kie anymore. 

JJ stuck his hand down over the dock so his fingertips could graze along the surface of the sea. Still salty, still a bit too cold. Still the same ocean. 

It was a constant, the ocean. It had been his solitude before he met John B. All he needed to do was grab his board and run as fast as he could, he dad could never catch him on the water. The week his mom left, JJ spent practically every minute of the day out in the waves. Water never yelled. Water never told him he was worthless. Water couldn’t walk away. 

Water _could_ beat him up. On occasion it did. But usually water just held him. Warm, salty, and completely free. 

“There you are.”

That wasn’t Topper. That wasn’t anybody JJ wanted to hear right now. Slowly, he stood up and turned around. 

“Dad?”

“Where the hell you been, boy?”

“How… how did you find me?”

“You think I don’t know you’re working here? That you’ve been walking around town kissing some rich boy?”

“Dad, I can explain. I—”

“Who the hell do you think you are, boy? Or did you just forget.”

“I just—”

“You’re nothing, boy.”

Luke’s hands were on his neck, gripping so tightly he could lift JJ off his feet if he wanted. If he wasn’t too drunk to stumble over from JJ’s weight. JJ tossed punches against Luke’s chest, tried to pry his hands off. But it didn’t matter. Luke could be run over by a bus, but he’d still hold all the power. It didn’t matter how strong JJ was, he couldn’t win. 

He’d held a gun to Luke’s head and he still couldn’t win. 

“You know how much money I owe because of you?”

Luke had taken his hands off JJ’s neck and, while he tried to regain his breath, Luke shoved him back a few steps, farther from the end of the dock and closer to the Wreck. Away from the water, away from the moonlight. 

“First you spend all our restitution money. So then I gotta pay that shit. And then you go and sink my boat. And I gotta pay that shit too. You never been good at math, can you even count that high?”

JJ could disassociate to an extent when Luke hit him. As Luke shoved him until his back had slammed into the wall, Luke’s fists on his stomach, palm across his face, hands grabbing his hair and slamming the back of his head into the bricks. But JJ had never been able to ignore Luke’s words. They were too pointed, too harsh, too raw for JJ to avoid. 

“And if that ain’t bad enough I find out you’ve decided to be a queer. With some fucking Kook? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

JJ was against the wall, blood from something leaking down his cheek and into his mouth. It was too dark for JJ to see when and how Luke would attack. There was only darkness and the faint outline of Luke’s body before a new pain would strike and JJ was pressed against the gravel, rocks digging into his skin, or against the bricks. 

“No more of this bitching. I’ve had enough, boy. It’s time for you to come home and pay your debts.”

“I’m never coming back,” JJ retorted through gritted teeth, the taste of blood sharp in his breath as it wheezed out of his lungs. It wasn’t the worst beating Luke had ever given him, but it was easily in the top three. 

“You’re coming home right fucking now, you piece of shit. I know you get a paycheck here. Hanging around in that little apron, I bet you get all sorts of tips. With that mouth of yours, yeah, I bet you do.”

JJ gave hard enough of a shove that Luke fell onto his back and took the opportunity to knock down the garbage can to give himself even just a moment’s head start. He took off. He had almost made it to the front of the Wreck when he felt his shirt holding him back, a hand clutching the material and then another wrapping around his neck so he was locked in a chokehold. 

That was never a Luke move. That was a Kook move, to hold his neck with their elbows like that. Luke liked his fists, Luke liked his knees and his boots, and sometimes Luke liked throwing empty bottles. But Luke never pulled moves like that. 

“Don’t you dare run away from me, boy.”

And yet, Luke was holding him tight. JJ wanted to say something, he wanted to cuss his dad out or scream or anything. But all he could do was choke on the air that couldn’t come in or out. He could feel his circulation cutting off. He could feel everything get fuzzy, everything slowing down. Luke was still talking, had started dragged JJ back, but JJ couldn’t hear a thing. He wanted to hit back, to pry Luke’s arm off his neck, but his movements were barely there and simply feathered against Luke’s forearm. 

“Stop!”

That wasn’t Luke. 

“Stop, you’re hurting him!”

“The hell do you think you are?”

“Get the fuck off of him! Let him go!”

“You don’t know who—”

The arm around JJ’s neck had suddenly pulled away and JJ crumbled against the ground. The gravel prodded at his skin but it was softer than the air that tore through his lungs, his throat on fire and blood still seeping between his lips. 

“Kid? Hey, kid. You okay?”

The pain wasn’t subsiding, not at all. It was always worse right after than it ever was during. When Luke was hitting him, JJ had enough anger brewing in his stomach and pouring out through his fists that it numbed some of the physical pain. The punches were bad, but they couldn’t kill him. 

It was always the worst when he was curled up after. After he yelled and screamed and punched a hole through the wall of his bedroom. The door locked. Just in case. It was when he let himself lay down on the bed, when he let the tears start to fall, that it hurt the worst. When Luke passed out and JJ was left wide awake all night long. 

It was when JJ’s fight or flight left his body and all he felt was afraid. 

“It’s okay, kid. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I can’t, I just can’t,” was all JJ could get out before he began to sob and lost all control of his voice. 

“You need me to call somebody? Or take you to the hospital?”

“No! No hospitals. No police.”

“Got it, kid. Somebody else I can call? Can I give you a ride somewhere?”

JJ shook his head, biting down on his lips to stop the volume of his tears. 

”Some-somebody’s coming fo-for me.”

“Look, that guy’s gone for now but you want us to wait here with you until your friend gets here?”

JJ couldn’t even think of an answer to that question. Whoever his guy was—his voice sounded like a middle-aged man, but it was too dark for JJ to tell—had helped him. But he couldn’t ask him to stay. He didn’t even know who the guy was, didn’t trust him to stay any more than he did Luke to stay away. 

But Topper would be there soon. Everything would be okay once Topper got there. JJ just needed Topper to get there. Things would be okay. 

“You want us to stay, kid?”

“My friend, uh, he-he’ll be here soo-soon.” 

“Okay, kid. Look, let me help you out front where there’s some light okay? Can’t see shit back here.” 

JJ just nodded and let the man lead him by the arm to the front of the Wreck to a bench where he sat JJ down. JJ had just washed this bench down tonight. It was going to be dirty for the opening crew. 

“You sure your friend is coming?”

“He’ll be here soon.”

“You sure we should leave him?” the guy asked, presumably to the other. 

“Kid says his friend’s on the way.”

“You believe him?”

“Okay, kid,” the guy said to JJ this time. “We’re gonna head out. You sure you don’t want us to call somebody.”

“He’s coming.” 

“Okay, kid.”

JJ watched the two guys leave, letting his eyes droop as he rested his head against the window of the Wreck. He wished he was on the dock, wished he could just fall into the salty water and float on the surface. Wished he was surrounded by ocean right now. Wished Topper would hurry up and get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh JJ... right when things were starting to go your way! Don't worry, this story will have a happy ending, it just might have some more up and downs until we get there. Also, Pope and Kie will be back soon--when I don't write them I just start to miss them so much, my babies. Sorry to end on a little bit of a cliff hanger (not really a cliff hanger, per se, but uhh yeah kind of one), but I'll have another chapter up by tomorrow night, so you won't be waiting too long! Thanks sooo much for all the love. Seriously, all of your comments mean SO much to me and it's just so motivating to know people actually enjoy what I write. Like, wow. You guys are the best. Kudos to all, my lovelies <3


	15. the one where topper makes a decision

Topper took a right off the main road and into the parking lot. All the lights were out at the Wreck, which wasn’t unusual for the time of night—but usually there were other cars still in the lot, other employees heading out. The place was totally deserted. 

Topper wondered if maybe he had gotten the time wrong tonight. 

He pulled into one of the spots and sent JJ a text message letting him know he was there, since he didn’t see him anywhere. _Maybe he was walking home?_ He would see Topper’s text eventually, and it was only ten o’clock, so Topper could chill in the car and wait. 

He turned down the radio and scrolled through Instagram, waiting to hear a text chime from JJ or a knock on the car door. JJ wouldn’t just blow him off, he probably had a great excuse for not responding, for not being there. 

Three minutes passed. 

Five. 

Ten. 

When fifteen minutes had passed and Topper still didn’t get a text back, he started to get mad. JJ said he wasn’t that good of friends with any of his coworkers, besides Kie, but maybe he had ditched Topper to go hang out with them after work. 

But what if his phone was dead and JJ was just waiting someplace else? No other businesses were open this late, so if he was waiting it would be outside. Topper switched off the ignition and hopped out of his car. 

“JJ?” He called out, hearing as it bounced through the silent air across the water and bouncing back from the bricks. “You still here?”

Usually, JJ waited around the back door, so Topper check there first. Nobody. Not a soul out on the dock or on the benches across the alley.

Topper’s heart stopped when he turned the corner to the front of the Wreck. 

It _had_ to be JJ. 

A dark figure was sitting, curled up, on the bench and Topper wondered how he hadn’t heard the crying earlier. It wasn’t quiet. 

JJ’s hair glowed a bit under the moon and the street lamp and Topper was running over to him before he could think. 

“JJ!”

Crouching down in front of JJ, he could finally see more clearly what had happened. Bruises were concealed by shadows, but the blood was bright as the sun, dripping down his cheek and sprinkles all over right arm and leg, pieces of gravel in his skin like violent freckles. He was shaking, wouldn’t look at Topper, wheezed. 

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me, Topper.” 

Topper reached an arm out to draw him in but JJ imploded, jumping across the bench and scooting further away from him while shaking his head and mumbling under his breath. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

 _Don’t apologize to me, idiot_ , Topper wanted to say but was too afraid to say another word. JJ’s eyes had looked horrified when Topper tried to touch him. Nothing like the eyes Topper was used to seeing. The ones that he saw when he’d open his eyes after a kiss. 

“You’re okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know, fuck. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay, JJ. It’s just me.”

JJ’s head fell against Topper’s shoulder and, at the initiation of contact, Topper repositioned himself so he was sitting down on the bench beside JJ and wrapped an arm around him. He could feel the gravel and the stickiness of blood against him, and even more so the bouncing of JJ’s chest as he struggled to breathe evenly. 

They must have sat there for at least five minutes, maybe more. Just silently clinging to each other. JJ’s fingers were tugging in a fist of Topper’s shirt, nose pressed against Topper’s collarbones. Topper didn’t know what to say, what to do. He still wasn’t sure had happened, if they should be running away or stay seated on the bench. 

Eventually JJ was able to get out a few deep breaths and began to speak almost inaudibly against Topper’s shirt, his voice low and scratchy as if he’d smoked a hundred cigarettes in one night. 

“I was waiting for you.”

“What? When this happened, baby?”

JJ nodded against his chest, using his grip on the fabric to tug himself closer to Topper. Topper held on even tighter, trying to let JJ know he would do whatever JJ wanted, whatever he needed. 

“I was just gonna wait for you. I went down to the dock… to see the water.”

“What happened, JJ?”

“It was just for a few minutes.”

_Had he hit his head? JJ was really out of it._

Topper pulled JJ to his feet, the other boy’s body falling against Topper’s own. He took the arm from around JJ’s shoulders and moved it to his waist to hoist him up until they got to the car. JJ’s feet were dragging on the ground as he stumbled over his steps. 

“There you go. I just need to you to pick your feet up, yeah, just like that,” Topper instructed as he manhandled JJ into the passenger’s seat. “I’m going to close the door now, okay?”

JJ nodded, head lulling backwards against the head rest and then falling to the side so JJ was looking out the window. Topper climbed inside and tried not to vomit when the overhead lights of the car glistened against JJ’s black and blue body. 

The worst part was the hand prints around his neck. The blood dripping from his mouth and onto his shirt. The tear tracks smeared with dirt on his cheeks. It didn’t look like there was blood coming from the top of his head, but bleeding could be internal too. 

“Let’s go home.”

JJ nodded, sucking in a breath and clutching at his stomach, likely from pain. His eyes were drooping. 

“Don’t fall asleep! I need you to stay awake for me. Can you do that, JJ?” Topper had played enough sports to know that you shouldn’t sleep when you have a concussion. Shit. This could be really bad. 

_Should he be taking JJ to the hospital?_

“Just gonna close my eyes real quick.”

“JJ! Hey, baby please,” Topper begged, one hand on the wheel and the other taking JJ’s hand to try and distract him. “I can put the radio on?” That probably wouldn’t be smart. “Or we could just talk.”

“Don’t wanna talk.”

He sounded like he was about to go under anesthesia, words wet and heavy. 

“Let’s talk. Do you know what today’s date is?”

“Thursday.”

“Yes, it is! Do you the month?”

“September.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“I’m… I think I’m on the dock.”

_He thinks he on the dock? Fuck._

Topper took a sharp turn and it made JJ’s head slam against the head rest.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“I just have to wait for Topper to get here. Everything going’s to be okay when he gets here.”

Topper couldn’t help it when the tears broke forth. He shook his head and bit down on a sob. He needed to be calm right now. JJ needed him to be calm right now. He just needed to drive. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks. 

“Everything’s going to be okay, JJ. I promise.”

JJ nodded and let out a groan as Topper flew over a speed bump. 

“I’m so sorry, JJ. But I have to do this.”

“What do you have to…” and then JJ seemed to realize where Topper was, the car rolling up to the entrance. “NO! No, no, no. I can’t go to a hospital. No! I have to wait for Topper, I have to—”

“JJ, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay, baby. But I think you’re hurt worse than you realize and I’m pretty fucking scared right now.”

JJ was thrashing in his seat, trying to unbuckle the seat belt but couldn’t get his fingers to touch the button. His eyes looked like they were a million miles away and all Topper could see was blood and gravel and mud and all those purple bruises. 

He had no choice. He knew the risk of taking JJ into the hospital, but he also knew the risk of not going. 

“I can’t, I can’t go in there. Dad said I can’t go in there. I can’t do it.” 

JJ was sobbing and Topper was trying his hardest to keep his own sobs subsided as he parked and tried to pry JJ out of the car and onto the ground. They were so close to the emergency room doors. 

“It’s okay, I promise everything’s going to be okay.”

“I have to wait for him. Topper’s going to be here soon.”

Topper had JJ on his feet, dragging him despite his protesting towards the doors. When they stepped inside two nurses flocked to them immediately. There was only one other person in the waiting area and Topper took it as a good sign. Less people meant more attention for JJ, quicker attention. In tourist season the hospital’s emergency room could have wait times of a few hours. 

“What happened to him, bud?” One of the nurses asked as the other guided JJ out of Topper’s hold. 

“I-I don’t know. I went to pick him up from work and he was so loopy, I think he’s hit his head because he thinks he’s sitting on a dock right now.”

“We’re going to take real good care of your friend, it’s alright.” Topper wiped the tears out of his eyes but they kept pouring. The nurse smiled softly at him. She was probably around his own mother’s age, but plenty warmer. She put a hand on his shoulder. “You just take out here and I’ll come right out as soon as I can.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Topper sniffed, trying to keep himself from falling apart. She needed to go help JJ. 

Grateful for the emptiness of the waiting room, Topper collapsed into one of the plastic chairs and began to sob.

* * *

Topper couldn’t tell how much time had passed since he had first sat down. The same nurse from before was gently shaking him awake. 

“Oh, hi. Sorry.”

“It’s perfectly alright. So, your friend is a minor and, because of that, we can’t release any information to somebody outside of family.”

“I’m his brother!” Topper lied immediately. 

“Oh. Okay, how old are you?”

Topper’s gut told him to lie again. 

“Nineteen.” He figured it was a passable lie. People often assumed he was in college anyway. 

“We’ll need your mom or dad’s phone number to call before we can release him. But your brother’s going to be okay. Do you want to come back and see him?”

Topper would worry about the guardian thing in a minute, right now he just needed to see JJ. He nodded, following the nurse and wiping the wet tear tracks off his cheeks and sleep out of his eyes. 

Before she pulled back the curtain, the nurse stopped him, reaching out but then pulling her hand back. 

“We noticed a lot of bruises on your brother, bud.”

Topper nodded. He’d noticed them too. 

“Is there somebody outside of the home who may be hurting him?”

 _Shit_. This was why Topper almost didn’t bring him to the hospital. This is why JJ didn’t want to come anywhere near a hospital. This was the risk Topper had taken. 

Clearly, Topper had taken too long to respond because the nurse sighed. 

“If we can’t call home, we can call a social worker to come down a help your brother for a few nights.”

“He’s not—I mean, can I please just see him?”

She nodded hesitantly before pulling the curtain to the side. 

_He looked so small on that bed_. His eyes were still too lost and the bruises had only manifested into darker patches across his body. The fingerprints on his neck were too dark. At least he wasn’t bleeding anymore. 

“Hey, JJ.”

JJ’s ears twitched but he didn’t move, didn’t look away from where his gaze was locked towards the window. Topper looked to the nurse. 

“He has a severe concussion. It’s good that you brought him in when you did. We’re going to move him into a room, just for the night, so we can monitor him regularly. He also has two broken ribs, but everything else appears to be scrapes and bruises. Which is really good.”

Topper nodded, wanting to reach for JJ’s hand but unsure if that would welcome. 

“Just hit this red button if you need me. I’ll give you two some space.” 

Topper could feel himself start to cry as she tugged the curtain closed around them. 

“JJ.”

“How could you?”

Though JJ’s words were choked and shaky, they were filled with such a sharp venom that they felt more like a punch to the gut. 

“I’m so sorry, JJ. But you were—”

“How could you do that? Bring me here!”

“You needed medical attention.”

“I needed to go home!” He turned to Topper, eyes wild in rage but wet with tears. Topper bit down a sob, chewing against his bottom lip. “What do you think’s gonna to happen now, Topper?”

It was a rhetorical question but Topper still shrugged, not trusting him his voice to not crumble. 

“Either my dad’s gonna show up and kill me dead by morning. Or I’m gonna get taken away.”

“JJ, I didn’t mean—”

“I’m gonna get fucking put into foster care, Topper! How fucking could you?”

“JJ, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.”

“You were so out of it—”

“Don’t say anything. I don’t wanna hear it. In fact, I really don’t want you here.”

“JJ,” he pleaded, feeling the warm of fear on his skin, no longer able to hold back his tears. All he wanted to do was reach out for JJ. 

“Don’t ever speak to me again.”

A sob broke from Topper’s mouth as JJ pressed the red button. 

“Nurse! I want him to go. He’s not my brother, please. I want him to go.”

The nurse was pulling Topper away, JJ growing smaller and smaller in the distance. 

_He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don't know all that much about what doctor's can release to whom or honestly that much about concussion, so whatever doesn't make sense or is wrong....well, it's canon in my story for plot purposes. Our poor boys really can't catch a break though, can they? Hope you all enjoyed anyway. You are all the very, very best. Kudos to you all <3


	16. the one where jj leaves the outer banks

JJ doesn’t remember much about the night he was in the hospital. He remembers waiting on the bench. He remembers the nurse telling him they couldn’t let him go home with his dad. He remembers meeting his social worker, Frankie. 

And he very vividly—far more vivid than he would’ve liked—remembers yelling at Topper. 

It had been weeks since JJ had seen anybody. Since JJ had stepped foot on the Outer Banks. JJ had tried so hard to convince the nurses and Frankie to let him go home. He would’ve done anything in that moment to not get into Frankie’s car and drive onto the mainland where his foster home awaited. 

The home wasn’t as bad as JJ initially feared. It was only himself and an older woman, probably in her sixties, named Margaret. Margaret was overall uninterested in JJ but always had a microwave dinner or can of soup for him to eat. He was expected to do a lot of cleaning and other chores since her knees made it hard to bend over or get down on her hands and knees. JJ didn’t particularly mind it, granted he also wasn’t good at cleaning. With no close friends at his new mainland school, JJ was just grateful for a way to pass the time.

And JJ wasn’t stupid, he knew there were _bad_ foster homes. Foster homes that made Luke look soft and the Cute look luxurious. Margaret was practically a catch. 

School was way worse than being at home. But school was usually like that, never a safe space for JJ. After a drag about how pointless Chemistry was for the average individual, two guys had invited him to sit with them at lunch. So at least he wasn’t alone. But the guys, Chris and Matt, didn’t have much depth to them other than being sixteen-year-old fishing-obsessed boys who didn’t care about school. Matt had offered JJ a weekend fishing trip, but Margaret insisted her lawn needed to be re-landscaped the same weekend. 

JJ missed his friends so fucking badly. 

He missed waking up in the Chateau with the sun hitting his back, sometimes with a girl in bed beside him, with John B right down the hall. He missed Kie always teasing him and calling him out on his bullshit. He missed Pope perhaps the most of the bunch. Nobody had ever looked out for JJ as much as Pope. 

Until Topper, that was.

Topper. 

JJ wished he didn’t miss Topper as badly as he did. He wished he didn’t go to bed thinking about what it had been like to hold Topper, about what it felt like to kiss him. He wished he could forget how soft his stupid Kook duvets were, how safe everything always was there. He wished he could forget how unbelievable it felt to hear Topper say the words _I love you_ and actually mean it. 

And JJ missed him almost every minute of the day and it was weird and intrusive and embarrassing. Not to mention infuriating. 

Topper was the reason JJ had been put into foster care.

Granted, JJ knew that Topper wasn’t _the_ reason. His parents were of course to blame but JJ had been avoiding that just fine until Topper decided to take him to the hospital.

Well, actually, he’d been homeless and starving and scared out of his mind until Topper gave him a place to stay. 

And when he was sitting on that bench outside the Wreck trying his best to keep conscious, all he could think about what was how everything would be okay when Topper arrived. Because somehow everything was always alright when Topper was there. 

Which was why JJ had written about a hundred unsent text messages asking Topper to talk to him again. 

Yet they remained unsent and JJ remained sprawled out on his bed trying his hardest to think of something to do. He had finished the chores Margaret had given him for the day and it was too early to sleep and too late to leave the house—living with a curfew was an extremely new part of JJ’s life. Sometimes he got desperate enough to try and read a book, but that never lasted more than a few minutes. The letters were too busy swimming around the pages and JJ didn’t have the patience. 

JJ picked at the dirt under his nails, scratched at his scalp, and even folded all of his t-shirts into a neat stack. There was absolutely nothing to do. 

Which may have been the reason why JJ opened up his phone. Or perhaps it was a result of trying to bottle up his emotions for weeks without having a soul to talk to about it. Maybe it was the fact that his entire life had been a downward spiral and he finally seemed to have hit rock bottom.

* * *

Topper’s phone chimed but he was in the middle of his workout so he let it go, doing another rep of bicep curls. His entire body was screaming but working out was the only thing that brought any serotonin into Topper’s life—even if it only lasted for a little while. Not to mention Sarah and John B were still living with him and, without having JJ around, it had gotten really weird really quickly. Luckily, though, Sarah hadn’t fallen back into her depressed state yet.

And as weird as it was, it didn’t both Topper to see Sarah with John B as much as it bothered him that JJ was gone. 

He had been inconsolable for days. Not that anybody other than Sarah actually cared how Topper was doing. His mom checked in a few times but it was always just scratching at the surface and just another extension of her trip here or trip there. 

Sarah had marched right into his bedroom and, grabbing his ankles under the duvet, had yanked him right out of his bed until he hit the floor with a thud. Topper had tried to fight his way back into bed where the sheets were warm and still felt like JJ, but Sarah had enlisted John B’s help to drag Topper down to eat after four days of extreme pity-sulking. 

John B had been a lot nicer too. Which was baffling to Topper, considering the fact that it was Topper’s fault JJ had been sent away. Maybe it was only pity-niceness, but Topper would take it. He wished he had somebody else to hang out with, to talk to about it all. Before everything went down Rafe had been that person, and sometimes Kelce too. But Kelce had just met a new girl and, even when he did respond to Topper’s texts, it was always a day or two too late. 

_”I didn’t realize how serious you two were,”_ Sarah had commented one day when Topper was acting particularly grumpy over his plate of spaghetti. Instead of eating at a normal and healthy speed, Topper was shoving gigantic clumps of it into his mouth and staring out into space. 

Sometimes it was nice to look out the window and imagine JJ had broken out of his new home and was headed back to Topper. 

_”I love him.”_

_“Have you tried to talk to him at all?”_

_“Trust me, Sarah, I’m the last person JJ wants to hear from.” ___

__And that thought made the text he received from JJ even more of a surprise._ _

____

_Can we talk?_

There was absolutely nothing Topper wanted more than to talk to JJ so he immediately dialed JJ’s number and waited anxiously for the dial tone. He was sweating and still a bit out of breath from his workout so he sat down on the mat with his back to the mirror, willing his nerves to calm down. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, JJ. It’s me.”

“Oh. Uh, hi.”

JJ sounded disappointed and Topper wanted to hit himself for thinking JJ would be overjoyed to hear from him. That JJ wanted to really talk to Topper and didn’t just have some last words. 

“I’m sorry, do you not want to talk right now?”

“No, um, yes. I mean, this is okay.”

“Good because I’ve been really wanting to talk to you too.”

“Okay.”

JJ was quiet and Topper wondered if he should keep talking or wait and let JJ say his peace. He was afraid of what JJ might say, of how harsh he may be, and wanted nothing more than to keep rambling on and put off the inevitable. 

“I’m still really mad at you.”

 _There it was_. It sounded a bit more tired than bitter though. Topper understood that exhaustion perfectly. 

“JJ, I’m so sorry that you got put into foster care. But, honestly, I’m not sorry for what I did. You were really messed up that night.”

JJ was silent over the line and Topper almost wanted to take it back. But Topper wasn’t the type of guy to say something he didn’t mean, and he meant every word he had said. 

“I know.”

“You do?” Maybe it was only hopeful to think that JJ would even consider forgiving him. Maybe he was underestimating JJ. Or overestimating him. 

“I guess I’m not mad at _you_ but just mad.”

“I’m mad too.”

“This sucks.” 

Topper relaxed a bit against the glass, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

“This really sucks.” 

“I want to come home.”

And, _God_ , now he just sounded sad and Topper couldn’t bare that. Topper had cried too much, he didn’t want to cry right now. But if JJ was going to keep sounding like _that_? Then he couldn’t be blamed. 

“I want you to come home too.”

“I don’t know what to do, Top.”

And as much as Topper wished he could ignore it, JJ had definitely started to cry on the other end. And Topper was a million miles away and could do nothing to stop it. 

“Hey, it’s okay. We can figure this out.”

“We?”

“If that’s something you still want, then yeah. We.”

The line was quiet other than the occasional sniffle from JJ. 

“Or we could even just be friends, if that’s what you need right now.”

And still JJ was quiet. Topper really hoped he was just thinking and wasn’t spiraling. 

“Or I don’t ever have to talk to you again if that makes it easier. Just tell me what you need, JJ. I’ll do anything.”

This time the quiet was interrupted. 

“I need you.” 

Topper wiped the tear that was rolling down his cheek, trying to stay as calm as possible since JJ was clearly worked up across the line. 

“Okay, baby. What can I do?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. I mean everything’s fucked up and I’m all alone and I just wish you were here but you’re not and I’m still mad and I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll come.”

“Huh?”

“Text me your foster house’s address and I’ll come right now.”

“No!”

“Why not? Are you okay there?”

“Shit. I’m fine. But you can’t just drop everything and come over.”

“Drop what? My plans to sit around with Sarah and John B and watch god awful movies without you?”

“I don’t think she’s going to be happy.”

“Who, Sarah?”

“My foster mom.”

“Oh. Well, I can be very quiet. I’m pretty good at sneaking in through bedroom windows.”

JJ let out a huff that Topper could only dream was a smile. 

“I’ll be gone by sunrise. She’ll never even know.”

“I wish you could be here.”

“I’m being completely serious, JJ. If you want me there, I’ll leave right now.”

“Leave right now.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay.” When he stood up he could see the butt-shaped pool of sweat on the floor below. “Wait, can I just like rinse off first?”

“What do you think you’re coming over for?”

“I was working out!”

“Oh. Yeah that’s fine but it’s a long drive and she doesn’t like when I make a lot of noise past nine so I need you to be quiet.”

“Baby, I will be as quiet as a mouse. And fast. Very fast.”

“Hey, Topper?”

“Yes?”

The silence was a clear indicator that JJ was hesitating and Topper simply waited. He hated the fact that JJ still hesitated with him. 

“I wasn’t kidding either.”

“Kidding about what?” Topper wasn’t following. 

“I want to come home and I don’t know what to do.”

His voice was breaking and Topper decided it was time to rush upstairs to the shower so he didn’t waste another minute not being with JJ. 

“I’m going to come over so soon and we can figure everything out.”

“Figure what out? I don’t even live in the Outer Banks anymore.”

“Hey, JJ. Listen, I promise we’re going to figure something out. It’s okay.”

“I’m so mad.”

“JJ, please don’t cry. It’s okay.”

“Just don’t take too long in the shower. Think of me?”

“JJ! I’m just going to hop in and hop out and then I’m on my way… I might need to hang up now. Do you want me to call you when I get out?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Are you sure? Because I can.”

“I’m just going to text you the address. My window is the furthest right one around back. And please be quiet.”

“I’m hoping in the shower now.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to hang up now.”

“Okay.”

“JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies. I took a little break (one day, lol) from this fic because my life has just been a little too much the past few days and so here's a short little chapter where I take out my own sadness on my characters. Don't worry, I can't keep them apart for too long. All will be well again one day (telling that to JJ and Topper and myself). Also, I have a lot to figure out in my head about this story and where it's going and how to realistically handle the whole Rafe/John B/Sarah/murder drama because honestly I still can't figure out how season 2 is going to make that work. Kudos to you all, can't believe how many people are STILL reading and enjoying this, I am so grateful for each and every one of you. <3


	17. the one where its okay to fall apart

JJ couldn’t help the pacing. His only options were pacing and lighting up a joint—and Margaret would certainly send him back over to DCS if he was caught smoking in the house. So, it was pacing and tugging at his hair until strands were clogging his fingers and he flung them down to the carpet to disappear between the shag. 

It had been weeks since JJ had seen Topper. It had been weeks since JJ had felt any sense of normalcy whatsoever. He had just found himself in a tiny little mainland rhythm and he had a feeling seeing Topper was going to flip that upside down. That was also the reason he hadn’t responded to a single one of Kie, Pope, or John B’s texts. It was easier to live in a state of denial when nobody was holding you accountable. It was easier to pretend like this was all just a dream or a little bump in the road. 

Margaret’s was a temporary thing. That was for sure. But JJ had no idea if it was a few months temporary or until he aged out of the system temporary. Which was almost two years away. And JJ couldn’t let his brain wander that far, couldn’t let himself think of living on the mainland without a single soul in the world to care about him for two years. The scary part was it could easily be his new reality. It could easily be worse, too. 

JJ threw another handful of hair onto the floor and forced himself to take a seat at the end of his bed. _Breathe in. Breathe out._ He opened his phone to see if there was notification from Topper but there was nothing. JJ’s left leg was bouncing and he wasn’t sure if he ever put on deodorant that day so he applied some more. And some more. And a third time just in case. _Breathe in. Breathe out._

When JJ heard the patter on the window he jumped and flew over to it, sliding the glass up.

And there he was.

“JJ!”

JJ’s first instinct was to slam the window down, draw the curtains, and hide away under his covers where the world belonged to only him and everything was quiet and JJ could pretend his life was different than it really was. His second instinct was to throw himself into Topper’s arms. 

He went with his third instinct though and took a step back to let Topper inside. Topper had to drag himself over the windowsill but eventually he toppled into the room and lingered in his step, waiting for JJ to say something probably. 

“Hi.”

Topper smiled, his entire body tense and the softness of the pulling at his lips washing through his bones and JJ thought it looked a bit like jelly. He also forgot how beautiful Topper looked, especially when the lights were dimmed and JJ was feeling lost. 

“I missed you so much,” Topper admitted, perhaps in a voice gentler than anything he had ever said in the past. JJ wondered if his leg was still shaking and if Topper could tell or not. 

“I missed you too.”

“This is where you’ve been staying, huh?” Topped motioned his hands around the room but his eyes stayed glued to JJ’s own. JJ didn’t want any of it to be real so instead of verbalizing his response he just nodded. “It’s a little too dark to tell for sure, but this town seems kind of nice?”

JJ wasn’t sure what it was that broke the dam. Maybe it was reality sinking in, maybe it was seeing Topper standing in front of him, maybe it was the way Topper was so clearly trying to make the situation seem less daunting. But JJ had begun to cry and maybe that shaking in his legs and the itchiness of his scalp was his anxiety telling him he was overloading. Topper let out a shaky breath but didn’t step closer to JJ. 

“I’m so sorry that I’m the reason you can’t come home.”

“’S okay.”

“JJ, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

He wasn’t. He had forgiven Topper the day after everything had happened. But forgiveness didn’t calm his anger but instead turned the boiler up to the highest heat. Without anyone to be angry with, the anger just bubbled up and poured over when JJ least expected it. 

“Are you… I mean, how are you?”

JJ didn’t want to answer. In reality, JJ wished he had never even called Topper. There was too much spinning around in JJ’s brain for him to want to speak to Topper, to admit how absolutely defeated and lost he felt. Like the entire world was headed up a mountain and JJ just kept rolling back down to the bottom and landing on his ass. 

The vulnerability was the worst part. JJ didn’t like vulnerability, didn’t understand it and couldn’t process it. It was easy to pretend like nothing bothered him. He had been doing it his whole life. It was easy to be strong, or to create the façade of being strong and allow others to believe what they wanted. And it was so easy to push people away before they learned too much about how weird and fucked up JJ’s mind really was. About how utterly pathetic his life had become. 

“Is your foster mom treating you okay?”

JJ nodded again, biting down on his lip to keep the flood from pouring out and humiliating himself in front of Topper. 

“JJ?”

He couldn’t speak. Every word seemed like it held too much weight and JJ was too exhausted to carry it. Too exhausted for this conversation. Too exhausted to think about two years without anybody else in the world. 

“Please tell me what to do.”

And of course, _of course_ , Topper was going to be gentle and thoughtful right now. JJ wished he was angry. Anger was so much easier and lighter than this. JJ could scream right now. Yell and scream and be yelled and screamed at. It was normal and natural and easy. 

“Please, JJ, just let me help you.”

Topper took a step forward and reached out. JJ was too tired to move, to fight it, to accept it. Topper was wrapping his arms around JJ and suddenly there was weight on every inch of his skin. He could feel the shag carpet between his toes and the cotton of Topper’s sweatshirt around his waist. He could feel Topper’s head on his shoulder and Topper’s fingers on the back of his neck. There was weight everywhere, touch everywhere. 

“It’s okay. You’re okay.”

 _Was he panicking?_ JJ couldn’t tell, trapped somewhere in his mind while his body was a few too many beats behind. Topper kissed his forehead and JJ remembered suddenly that he was crying and that they were in Margaret’s house and that it had been weeks since they had spoken. Since they had basically broken up. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he muttered, not knowing how else to express the chaos rumbling through his mind. His thoughts were too jumbled and messy to clean up into nice and coherent little thoughts. 

“That’s okay. We can figure it out.”

Topper sounded sure but JJ knew it was a bluff, or just ignorant. Topper probably believed that they could figure it out. He probably believed if he just loved JJ hard enough that the entire world be sweet and beautiful. JJ knew that no matter what he did, at the end of the day life was going to keep fucking him over. It had been like that since the day he was born and JJ had long since accepted that the universe hated him. 

“I miss you.”

“God, I’ve missed you literally every minute of the day.” 

JJ wanted to believe Topper’s words and almost did, but he also wished they weren’t true. Everything would be so much easier if JJ didn’t miss Topper all the time too. Maybe living on the mainland would suck less if everything didn’t remind him of Topper. If he didn’t lay awake until the creeping hours of the dawn thinking about Topper’s smile and his warmth and his everything. JJ wished his life was just smidge easier than it was. 

“I don’t want to not talk to you,” JJ finally said, pressing his face into Topper’s shoulder so he didn’t have to see Topper’s face. It was _easier_ that way. 

“Then we’ll talk. Let’s talk now or later or whenever you want. It’s not that long of a drive, I can be out here every day if you want me to.”

“I don’t want to live here.”

“I know.” Topper’s grip tightened on JJ’s waist and it brought JJ back into the moment and away from his mind for just a few seconds. “Shit, I know.”

“I want to come home.” And with a few seconds of freedom, “With you.”

JJ’s shoulder was wet and he figured Topper must have started crying. Maybe he had been this whole time. JJ didn’t want to leave the hug, wasn’t sure if he could stand up if Topper wasn’t holding onto him, wasn’t sure if he could waste a single minute without feeling Topper on his skin. 

“I want you to come home too, but we can’t do that.”

“Even if we really want to?” It was a childish request but JJ needed things to be easier, needed this to be more lighthearted so he didn’t completely shatter in front of Topper. 

“Even then.”

Topper clearly wasn’t concerned if the world was crumbling into dust. Topper just cried and clung to JJ as if it didn’t matter that he was falling apart. JJ wondered how it must feel to let yourself break like that. JJ wondered what it would feel like to let Topper know everything he was thinking. Would Topper realize what a waste of time it was to try and help somebody who was clearly helpless. 

“But we can find another way. We can be together, it doesn’t matter where you live for that.”

But it _did_ matter. It mattered so fucking much.

“And Kiara and Pope and John B have been dying to see you. I don’t think they’ve ever spoken this much to me in my life, constantly asking me if I’ve heard from you. If you’re okay.”

JJ didn’t know how to answer that without revealing how anxious and scared he felt. So he just latched his fingers tighter in Topper sweatshirt and took a deep breath as Topper’s fingers carded through his hair. 

“They love you so much, JJ. And we’ve all been really worried about you.”

“That’s stupid. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“JJ.”

Topper pulled away from the hug and JJ was sure he was going to fall to the ground, legs swaying below his hips. _Come back_ , he wanted to say. He couldn’t say what he needed or he was going to say too much. 

“It’s not stupid at all.”

“Course it is. Look, I’m fine.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“That doesn’t mean you’re okay, though. You’re allowed to not be fine.”

“Look, Dr. Phil, I’m telling you that there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing?”

“Not a thing. I’m alive and I have food to eat and you can tell them to stop asking about me.”

“They’re not going to stop asking.”

“Tell them to stop!”

Topper’s eyes were wide and JJ could feel the growing distance between them as his vulnerability morphed closer and closer into rage. God, he wanted to feel rage. To feel anything but helplessness for just one minute. 

“They love you, JJ.”

“Tell them to stop!”

“Why? Why the fuck would I do that?”

Topper was getting too loud and JJ threw a hand over his mouth to keep him from yelling again and waking Margaret. 

“I can’t.”

Topper placed his own hand on top of JJ’s and gently lifted it from his mouth, understanding that he needed to be quiet still. 

“Why can’t you, JJ? Why can’t you just let somebody else love you, huh? Because you have friends who care more about you than anybody in my life has ever cared about me. And you have me too, you know? I would do anything for you.”

JJ’s anger was dissipating and JJ tried his hardest to cling to it but it slipped between his fingertips until all that was left was the helplessness, JJ didn’t know what to do about the helplessness. 

“You don’t have to be okay all the time, JJ. Especially right now.”

“Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to help.”

“Jesus, JJ. I want to help because I fucking love you and right now I think you might need somebody to talk to.”

JJ knew that Topper was perceptive enough to see past the façade, but that wasn’t the reason he kept it up. The façade helped JJ more than it would ever help anybody else. It kept him guarded and protected from himself, from his wandering mind and imagination. It kept him in a constant state of fight or flight. 

“And I know you’re not okay because you called me.”

“I missed you.”

“You said you needed me. So here I am. And now that I’m here you won’t tell me what you need and I’m begging you, JJ, please tell me what you need.”

“I’m so scared,” came tumbling off JJ’s lips before he could think twice. “I’m so fucking scared, Topper.”

“Baby.”

A mix of the petname and the dimmed lighting gave JJ the freedom to collapse against Topper once again, this time with a clearer grasp of reality, and let the words come spitting out. 

“I don’t want to live on the mainland. I want to come home. I want to live with you and I want to work at the Wreck and I want us to go surfing and I want to eat Pop Tarts in the mornings. But nothing is up to me anymore and I’m stuck here and I’m really, really alone and I’m so fucking scared that this is all my life is ever going to be.”

“Oh, JJ.”

“I don’t want you to say anything because there’s nothing you could say that would make any of this less scary.”

“Can I at least tell you that I love you?”

JJ shrugged, pressing lips against Topper’s for the first time in what felt like a century and then burying himself in Topper’s arms once again, letting out a shaky breath and locking his fingers around Topper’s to stop them from shaking so much. 

“Can I tell you that I will do absolutely everything I can to bring the Outer Banks to you?”

“No, that’s too sappy.”

“Too sappy? What if I tell you that I’d move all the stars in the sky if it meant you could home.”

JJ wanted to slap him but he also wanted kiss him. He’d settle for another kiss. 

“Don’t be romantic right now.”

“I’m not a switch, you can’t just turn me on and off. I love you twenty four hours of the day, JJ Maybank.”

“Stop,” he whined, glad the room was too dark for Topper to see how rosy his cheeks were. 

“I love you so much.”

“I love you so much too.”

Saying those words was all it took for the final padlock to leave his chest and the air could return to his lungs, the weight on his shoulders could lift into the atmosphere above. Topper kissed his left cheek, his right cheek, the tip of his nose, and then his lips. 

“I promise you,” Topper started, pressing their foreheads together, “You’re going to get through this. Whatever we figure out, however this plays out, you’re going to come out the other side.”

“I thought we agreed you would stop being sappy.”

Topper shook his head and the brushing of his forehead against JJ’s made his skin tingle. 

“I never agreed to that, never will. I love you too much to not be sappy.”

“Maybe you should just love me less than.”

The smile glued to JJ’s face made it hard to feel helpless, hard to feel rage, hard to feel anything but the shiny, squishy, soft feeling that Topper seemed to always make him feel. 

“Maybe I should.”

Topper pressed their lips together, tongue brushing over JJ’s lips. Between his lips. Fumbled with his own. 

“Hey Top,” JJ breathed out as they parted, looking across to Topper’s eyes, feeling Topper’s hands around his shoulders. “I don’t think I’m fine.”

“I know.”

“I think I need some help.”

“I can help.”

JJ still felt a small part of himself waiting for Topper to bolt, to realize how fucked up everything was and run screaming for the hills. But most of JJ just let himself stand in Topper’s embrace and admit that he needed him. Admit that he wasn’t always able to keep it all together. 

“I love you, Topper.”

“I love you too, JJ.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a very anxious chapter because 1) writing helps me relieve my own anxiety and 2) I perceive JJ as having a lot of internal anxiety that he likes to hide and doesn't process, which in this story has been building up for way too long. I think these few chapters the most angsty part of this story and hopefully things will get easier (at least for JJ), but this is a very organic writing process here so I don't really know if I can say for sure yet. Thanks so much for the support on this fic, its kind of my baby at this point (I've never written this many words for a single story in my life) and now that it's getting closer and closer to the end (again, I don't really know because this story tells me where it wants to go and when), I am starting to get a bit sad at the ideas of tying up all the loose ends and concluding it. Who knows, there's still a lot that needs to happen before its over, but I hate when things end so I also kind of want it to go on forever. This was super long but thanks to each and every one of you, all of your kind words mean so much to me. Kudos to you all <3


	18. the one where the pogues take a trip

“Is it this street?”

“I don’t know, John B.”

“You’re the one with the directions!”

Kiara rolled her eyes, zooming in on her phone with two fingers to see if this upcoming left was in fact the correct turn. 

“This is it.”

“This street is nice,” Pope commented. 

It was actually a very nice street, especially compared to the Cut. Little bungalow style homes sat side by sides with towering trees covered in Spanish Moss and a boulevard in between. It was the kind of quiet and serene street that Kiara had always seen in movies but never found in the Outer Banks. In the OBX there was the Cut—where houses were right on the road and dilapidated, or hidden back behind rows of trees and wild brush—or Figure Eight—where the homes were so grand and the lawns so manicured that they were never soft or serene at all. This street felt warm. It felt like people actually lived on it. 

Kiara couldn’t picture JJ on this street at all. Gun swinging around his fingertips, scabbed lips, and alcohol-themed shirts with rips and tears. He would be an elephant walking down the street. 

“What’s the house number again, Kie?”

“Umm.” Kie exited out of the Maps app and reopened the text message from Topper. “136.”

“It’s going to be on the right, I think.”

“Yeah, I think I see it!”

John B pulled the van into the driveway and shut off the ignition. 

“Now, remember guys,” John B started, “Topper said JJ’s really not doing so well. And I think we just need to be….”

“Cautious?” offered Kie. John B nodded in confirmation. 

“You know JJ, he hates when people know he’s struggling.”

Pope nodded, looking over to where Kie was sitting in the front seat. She gave him a nod, reassuring him that they were going to do this together. 

“Can we go in now?”

John B lead the way out of the car and up to the front step. He knocked on the little blue door and then took a step back to wait. 

“Hi,” JJ said, voice immediately making Kie emotional, as he opened up the door. He motioned his hand out for the three to come in but before Kie could step through the door Pope was hurling his arms around JJ. JJ’s eyes went big and Kie could see some panic before it all washed away and he tucked his face against Pope’s shoulder. 

“We’ve been so fucking worried about you, man.”

 _So much for being cautious_. 

Kie understood though, she had wanted to do the same thing. Pope finally pulled out of the hug and John B and Kie shuffled into the house. 

Kie finally got a good look at JJ one Pope had given him some space back. He looked…clean. His hair was a bit more kept than usual, his clothes a bit tighter and a lot less…JJ. He also wasn’t wearing his combat boots and Kie wasn’t sure if she had ever seen JJ in socks. Ever. When they surfed he was barefoot but at every other moment of his life, JJ was wearing those boots. The socks looked funny on his feet. 

The biggest difference was the very evident lack of cuts and bruises that normally littered his body. Ever since Kie had known JJ—which was only a few years—he was always nursing some sort of injury. It wasn’t until that night with the hot tub that Kie had connected the dots. 

He was also holding himself differently. Kie couldn’t quite put her finger on it but there was something about that way he stood that made him seem like a stranger. 

“We’ve missed you so much,” John B said as JJ shut the front door behind them. 

“Me too.”

John B slung an arm around JJ and it hurt Kie to see how he melted into it. He just looked so tired. 

“Hungry?”

“Always,” Pope joked lightly and JJ—with John B unable to let go of him—led them into the living room where he had little snacks set up on the coffee table. It was so much the opposite of what Kie had expected that the little plastic bowl of trail mix made Kie start to cry. Pope gave her a warning look and shook his head. _She couldn’t get emotional right now._

Kie wiped the tears out of her eyes before JJ could see them and took a seat next to Pope on the couch, drawing her knees up to her chest so she had something to hold onto in case she started to feel emotional again. John B took his arm off JJ but draped it behind him on the couch so he could still be close. JJ offered them the snacks and Pope took a handful of pretzels, Kie taking a M&M from the trail mix. 

“This place okay?” John B asked, voice so quiet that Kie almost missed it over the crunch of Pope’s chewing. “Are you okay, here?”

JJ shrugged as he nodded and Kie wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

“Clearly you’re eating well, at least.”

JJ smiled, but as soon as his lips drew up they fell right back down and he started to fiddle with the fabric of the couch. 

John B looked over to Kie and Pope with a helplessness in his gaze that Kiara knew too well. 

“The Outer Banks is shit without you,” Kie tried. JJ didn’t seem to react to that and Kie was feeling so out of her element. 

She _knew_ JJ Maybank. She knew her best friend, the wild and unpredictable JJ who was goofy and full of spirit. She had no idea who this JJ was. She had no idea how to help this quiet and hidden version of JJ. None of them did. 

“We were thinking that maybe this weekend we could all go surf together?” John B asked and JJ looked up, eyes a little bit brighter than before. Still, Kie could tell he was trying to stop himself from smiling. 

“I-uh. I don’t know if I can get over there.”

The uncertainty in his voice made Kie do a double take. _That_ was JJ’s voice? It couldn’t possibly be. 

“I can come get you, bro.”

“It’s a long, um, drive.”

John B put a hand on JJ’s shoulder and Kie wondered if his grip was a bit too tight. 

“JJ, I can come get you.”

“Okay. That would be okay, I think.”

Kie watched John B move his hand from JJ’s shoulder down his back and Kie wanted to reach out too. She wanted to throw her arms around him or say something or just _do anything_. 

“We’ll have to find someplace pretty empty,” Pope commented and JJ looked over to them both. “So that JB doesn’t get recognized.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“I think we’ll be fine,” John B insisted, giving the same warning look that Pope had given Kie earlier. 

“We’ll be too far out for anybody to tell,” Kie agreed, or at least pretended to. 

“I think they’re also opening up the old drive in,” Pope suggested. “It could be nice.”

“Maybe Topper would want to come with us?” Kie asked. JJ looked up at that, eyes a little brighter again. 

“That sounds like fun.”

“Yeah?” John B asked, grin spreading across his face. JJ seemed to take that as a go ahead to smile himself. 

“Yeah.”

“Well, great. Then we’ll go on a weird little triple-date to the drive in on Friday. Do you know what they’re playing, Pope?”

“I think it’s some old movie, but I can look it up.”

“So you two are back together now?” Kie asked after JJ had taken a bite of a pretzel. 

“We are.”

Kie was dying for JJ to say more than a few words, to express himself. To say something stupid or silly or just anything at all. 

“We were getting really sick of his moping and pining all day.”

If Kie thought JJ had been smiling earlier, well, now he was really smiling. 

“It was driving Sarah and I nuts,” John B seconded. 

“Mission accomplished,” JJ teased and Kie’s heart felt a little less heavy. John B ruffled his fingers through JJ’s hair. 

“This was a pretty elaborate way to bug Sarah and I.”

“Well, I’m an extra guy.”

“I love you, man.”

JJ flushed but turned his attention briefly over to Kie and Pope. 

“I love you guys too. A lot.”

John B wrapped his arm around JJ again. Kie stood up to sit on the other side of JJ and then Pope followed as well, both of them helping John B to wrap JJ up in group hug.

* * *

John B pulled JJ aside after they had been hanging out for a while. JJ had turned on the tv and they had all been content curled up on the couches together until John B suddenly wanted to talk to JJ. 

Not that it was necessarily going to be bad. John B had been overly nice since he walked through the door. But the last time few times they had really talked had been when JJ blew up at John B and then John B tried to go after his dad. So maybe JJ was a bit unsure of how this conversation was going to go. 

“This your room?” John B asked as they stepped in through the narrow doorway. It was a stupid question because it was obviously JJ’s room. 

“In all its glory.”

“Look, JJ, I know an apology isn’t what you need from me. I know I just need to start acting like a better friend to you. But I really want to say it anyway.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m so sorry, JJ. I didn’t think and I was so fucking mad and I’ve been watching Luke beat the shit out of you since the third grade...”

JJ shifted his weight at that comment, not particularly enjoying thinking about all the years when JJ had believed he was doing a good job at hiding it. John B had found out the summer before middle school. Well, JJ had _told_ John B the summer before middle school. And then John B had told JJ that he had already known. 

“…And I wanted to hurt him for myself. Not for you. I was selfish and I’ve been really selfish lately and you don’t deserve that because you’re the least selfish person I know.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I, JB. I forgive you, dude.”

“You don’t even need to forgive me though because I know I fucked up, but I’m going to be such a better friend from here on out.”

“I forgive you, John B,” JJ insisted, desperate for the rambling to stop. “Honestly, I’m too tired to be mad at you anymore. And I miss my best friend.”

“I miss you so much,” John B sighed and pulled JJ into a hug. A lot of people—well, three now—seemed to want to hug JJ lately. It was weird. Normally, nobody ever hugged JJ. So JJ let himself cherish the hug, linger in the security of John B’s arms. No matter what the guy did or how shitty of a friend he was, JJ would always love him. He couldn’t help that. 

While JJ had his face tucked away against John B’s shoulder, he heard John B ask:

“You promise this is a safe place?”

“I promise.”

“Thank God.”

JJ wanted to remind John B that Topper’s was a safe place too. But he didn’t, not wanting to fight with John B anymore. 

“You look good, dude,” John B commented as he pulled out of the hug, his hands still holding JJ by his arms. JJ shrugged, not sure how to respond to that. John B just grinned and began exploring JJ’s new bedroom. He stopped at JJ’s dresser and lifted up a frame. JJ wished for a moment he had hid that frame. 

“This is so cute.”

It was a picture of the Pogues from the summer after freshman year. They had decided to throw a huge party at the Boneyards to distract Kie after Sarah had ditched her. It was only of the only things that actually belonged to JJ in the entire room. He had some clothes here and there, school stuff too, but Margaret had bought most of that for him so it didn’t really feel like JJ’s. Margaret had bought the frame, of course, but the picture was all JJ’s. 

“Yucatan?” John B asked, twirling the little Mexican flag around that JJ had placed against the frame. 

“It’s the dream, baby.” 

John B laughed. 

“Hey, JJ?”

“Yeah?” JJ asked as he took a seat on the edge of his bed. John B put the flag back in place alongside the frame. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick about Topper, too.”

“That’s okay, JB. I get it.”

“Yeah, but. I mean, even if the guy has always been an asshole I should have trusted you.”

“Do you trust me now?”

“Hundred percent. He’s been a really good guy to Sarah and I. I think I’d probably be in jail right now if he didn’t give us a place to stay.”

 _A place to stay_ hurt JJ a little bit more than he would’ve liked to admit. 

“I miss him.”

“Trust me, he misses you too.”

“When did everything get so fucked up, JB?”

“I don’t know,” John B groaned, finally taking a seat on the bed beside JJ. “Maybe it’s always been fucked up.”

“No, it hasn’t. Even when life was shitty we still had the Pogues and we had the OBX. Now you’re wanted for murder and I live on the mainland.”

“I guess you’re right. Can we blame Big John?”

“I’m always happy to blame our shitty dads.”

“Cheers to that.” 

“Hey John B?”

“Hey JJ?”

“Do you think things are going to get better?”

John B took a moment to answer but then he actually, literally picked up JJ’s hands and held it. 

“How could they get any worse?”

“Shut up!” JJ flung John B’s hand off his own and tried not to smile too bit at John B’s cheeky smirk. “I’m being serious right now.”

“I don’t know, JJ. I mean, how are we supposed to get you back to the Outer Banks? How are we supposed to convince a judge that I’m not guilty of murder? Shit’s fucked.”

“Shit really is fucked.”

“I love you though. Like a lot, JJ. Like so much that—”

“Shut up,” JJ whined, but bumped his shoulder against John B’s and grinned. “I love you too, brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting back into my groove with this fic, the days off gave me a little bit clearer of an idea of what direction this fic is going in now. Hope you enjoy, kudos to you all <3


	19. the one with the tiger shark

Topper felt a bit like a soccer mom as he rushed everybody from the kitchen and out into the car. He grabbed Sarah’s since forgotten cloth bag of snacks and looped the straps over his shoulder, letting out a huff as he gently shoved John B out the garage door. 

“We’re already going to miss the first five minutes of the movie, I really don’t want to miss anymore.”

“Relax, man,” Sarah defended holding her hands up and placing one on Topper’s upper arm. “I don’t think the world is going to end if we miss the first five minutes of Jaws.”

“We all know what happens,” added Kiara who promptly dragged Sarah into the backseat of Topper’s Jeep. 

Pope and John B were lingering by the car door, however choosing not to get inside.

“I told JJ we’d pick him up at exactly six and it’s already five thirty,” Topper pressed. John B rolled his eyes but Pope gave him a knowing look. 

“JJ will be okay if we’re a few minutes late,” said Pope.

“I told him six.”

“Okay. Let’s go JB.”

Pope hopped into the front seat and left the open seat by Sarah for John B. Finally satisfied, Topper hopped into the front seat and started up the car. 

“…and they killed this Tiger shark and had it flown in all the way from Florida. But by the time they got it to the set it was already rotting. The poor thing.”

“Kie, no offense but I don’t think anybody here feels badly for a shark.”

“John B!”

“Sorry, Sarah.”

“I think it’s awful. I mean, why couldn’t they just build another fake shark? The way people treat sharks is just disgusting, honestly. They’re part of the ecosystem!”

“Not everything in the ecosystem is worth protecting,” John B pouted. “I mean, like rapists and murderers are part of the ecosystem.”

“They just wanted it to look realistic,” defended Pope. “Like the blood and exposed guts and all. You know it’s actually pretty hard to get fake bloods and guts to truly capture…”

Topper zoned out as the four continued to go back and forth, partly out of sheer ambivalence to the topic and partly because he was still trying to find his place in the new group dynamic. 

The surprising thing was, he had actually grown quite comfortable with John B and Sarah. Granted, it was still weird as hell, but they’d been living together just the three of them for weeks and Topper at least knew where he stood. It didn’t hurt to see Sarah in love with somebody else and she had finally come out of her depressed state and was almost back to her normal self. As normal as she could be, given that what she had been through. And some nights Topper could hear her crying herself to sleep, same with John B. But during the day she seemed to hold it together pretty well. 

And as fucking annoying as John B was. Well, he was also decently fun to be around. And he couldn’t beat Topper in Mario Kart, or even come close. Which obviously made Topper like hanging out with him more. He was also a lot nicer when Sarah was around, and the two were together basically every minute of every day. Topper wondered how they weren’t already sick of each other. Regardless, as awkward as the trio was, Topper was actually growing quite accustomed to them. 

Things should have been more comfortable with Kiara and Pope, considering the fact that they had been much cooler about the fact that Topper was dating JJ. But he rarely saw them since JJ was put into foster care and he had the sneaking suspicion that they blamed Topper for it. And John B and Sarah. And JJ. Or maybe Topper was just blaming himself. Still, though, he didn’t regret it. 

Even if it meant JJ wasn’t living with him anymore or falling asleep in his arms. 

The least he could do was not be fucking late picking him up.

“Dude! Yellow light means slow down not go barreling through the intersection like a madman!” Pope squealed as Topper raced through the light. 

“Pope, chill. You are really not allowed to judge somebody else’s reckless driving.”

“You know what, Jonathan Booker.”

“What Popey?”

“Just shut up.”

“Alright, big guy.”

Topper pulled onto JJ’s street and glanced down at the dash to check the time. Six fifteen. He had sent a text to JJ before they left letting him know they’d be a little bit late but he hadn’t gotten a response. He worried that JJ was sitting on the front stoop just waiting and wondering why nobody was there. Or maybe he read it and just didn’t bother to respond. The last time he had seen JJ he’d been so vulnerable and anxious that Topper was leaning toward the former. 

Luckily when he pulled into the driveway, JJ was not lingering at the front door. 

“I’ll go get him. Try not to burn the car down while I’m gone.”

“Sure thing, gramps,” John B teased and Sarah giggled into his shoulder. Topper just rolled his eyes and bounced down out of the car, taking a minute to flatten down his shirt and combed fingers through his hair. 

This was a date after all—even if it was some weird triple-date with his ex-girlfriend and the guy who he almost drowned and pushed off a bell tower once. 

JJ opened the door before the bell even finished ringing. 

“Hi.”

Topper was still getting used to this too. Getting used to being able to just openly gape at JJ, at how beautiful he was. Topper could just reach out and touch him, kiss him, if he wanted. And JJ would reciprocate. And JJ would stare back. And they were both guys. And it wasn’t even weird—it was easily the least weird thing in Topper’s life. 

“You look handsome.”

And Topper was getting used to JJ Maybank making him blush like an absolute fool. Although, Topper had checked himself a few too many times in the mirror before he left and knew that he did in fact look pretty good tonight. 

And so did JJ. In his own way. He was wearing jeans and Topper didn’t think he’d ever seen JJ wear jeans in his entire life. Didn’t know it was possible for denim to touch JJ’s pale skin without dissipating. JJ was also wearing Topper’s sweatshirt, which very much did not go unnoticed. And as much as Topper loved when JJ worse his little backwards caps, he really loved when JJ let his hair run wild on the top of his head. Bouncing this way and that are partly pressed down to one side—Topper could tell JJ had tried to style it, but the guy hadn’t done a very good job. 

“I’m so sorry we were late,” Topper began as JJ shut and locked the door behind him, “I swear to God it was not me.”

“It’s okay.”

“John B spends even more time getting ready than Sarah. And that’s saying something.”

“Trust me, I know.”

Topper wanted to kiss JJ, preferably on his lips but maybe even just his cheek or his forehead. But Topper also wasn’t sure how much PDA JJ was going to feel comfortable with so he settled on opening the passenger door him. Pope had moved into the back and sent John B all the way to the back row of the car. He was clearly too large to be sitting back there, all his limbs squished this way and that. But Topper knew Kiara and Sarah enough to know that neither of them were going to squish themselves in the backseat based solely on the fact that they were tiny. 

Topper rushed back around to his own seat and started up the car as quickly as he could. 

“Look at you, wearing jeans!” John B teased from the back seat and Topper could see the pink rising on JJ’s neck. However, in true JJ fashion, he sent John B the bird. 

“Shut up, JB!”

And Pope telling John B to shut up was definitely something that Topper was getting used to.

* * *

JJ had managed to get closer and closer to Topper during the movie. From sitting thigh to thigh off the edge of the trunk to having Topper’s arms around him, back to chest. He was so close he could hear Topper’s heart beating rapidly as the score would begin to play. 

“It’s a fake shark, Top.”

And then Topper would let out a quiet fake laugh but hold onto JJ a little bit tighter. JJ squeezed Topper’s hand in his because, as funny as it was, he also needed Topper to know that he could hold onto JJ if he got a bit scared. Of a fake shark. It was still a little funny. 

“It’s a real possibility.”

“I’ve seen like less than five sharks in my whole life.”

“That doesn’t mean there haven’t been more just lurking in the water waiting for you, though.”

“You’re like a professional fucking surfer, how are you still scared of sharks.”

“Not scared. I just take precautions since they could literally kill me.”

“More people kill sharks than sharks kill people actually,” Sarah chimed in and JJ was tugged out of his fantasy that he was all alone with Topper. He burrowed a little deeper into Topper’s arms in an attempt to drown out the debate that had broken out between his friends. 

For as much as JJ loved alone time with Topper—and _really_ he loved it—he also couldn’t believe that anything about this moment was real. John B was alive and twisted like a pretzel around Sarah, who was smiling and out of bed, tucked furthest back in the Jeep in hopes of not being spotted. Kie and Pope were the only ones not woven together but Pope was laying with his head in Kie’s lap, absolutely engrossed in the movie as Kie ran her fingers through his hair, happy to debate John B of the importance of shark preservation. 

And nobody even batted at eye at how tightly JJ was latched onto Topper. Nobody was mad that JJ was dating Topper. Nobody was mad that JJ was too anxious to respond to anybody’s text messages…ever. For as fucked up as life was, the six them seemed to put it all on hold for the night, happy to just sit in each other’s company watching one of the funniest movies JJ had ever seen—though he knew it wasn’t supposed to be a comedy. 

As if Topper could read his mind, and every day JJ was starting to believe more and more that that was the case, he pressed a very delicate kiss to JJ’s cheek. 

“Love you.” 

It was a whisper, meant only for JJ’s ears. JJ tugged his knees up to his chest and, only mildly uncomfortable in his jeans, leaned further into Topper’s hold and let his head lull to the side so only half of his face was directed toward the screen. It was October now and it was a bit chilly, and Topper was _so_ warm. Like a fucking space heater. 

“They’re so cute.” JJ heard Kie faintly whisper—which he assumed he wasn’t meant to hear—and decided to pretend he hadn’t heard. He wondered if there was a way to stop himself from blushing, maybe later he would Google it. Topper definitely heard though and took it upon himself to sway JJ back and then forth. 

“Yeah, but not right now. Trying to watch the movie,” Pope whined and JJ could just feel Kie rolling her eyes. 

It all felt perfect. 

Which should have been JJ’s clue that something was bound to go very, very wrong. 

“Well, well. Don’t you look pretty fucking cozy for somebody who’s spooning a Pogue.”

 _Rafe_. Kelce was behind him, and three other guys that JJ recognized but didn’t know the name of. 

“Leave them alone,” Kie warned but Rafe stopped the entire group in their tracks and crossed his arms over his chest. 

JJ had rolled out of Topper’s hold and Topper was already jumping out of the car, Pope right beside him. In a moment of panic, JJ looked back to see Sarah trying to frantically cover herself and John B with a blanket. Kie tugged JJ’s face forward as to not draw attention to it. JJ didn’t want to get out of the car. JJ needed to get out of the car. Rafe and his boys would show Pope no mercy. And Topper was strong but Rafe was older and taller than a mountain. JJ slid out of the car but Topper’s outstretched arm wouldn’t let JJ come as far forward. 

“The fuck are you doing on the Cut?” JJ hollered, wanted to claw at Rafe or punch his face so hard that it swung in circles around his neck like a cartoon. Topper wouldn’t let JJ close enough. 

“The fuck are you doing, Top?” Rafe sneered, completely ignoring JJ and staring devilishly to Topper. “Don’t tell me you’re fucking this dirty _Pogue_.”

And then Topper had Rafe on the ground. 

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about him!”

Pope tried to go after him but Kelce was holding him back. Kie was trying to keep JJ from pouncing and, embarrassingly, she doing a pretty good job at holding him back. That was, until Rafe flipped Topper onto his back and had his fists in Topper’s face. There was a lot of blood. 

JJ wriggled out of Kie’s grip and flung himself on Rafe. Arms this way and that, legs kicking at Rafe, at the air, at anything and everything he could kick. All the helplessness that had been eating away at him, making him feel small and weak, suddenly gave him so much fucking power that he was about to burst. And he managed to get a few good hits in before two of the Kooks were dragging him away and Topper had stood up, now towering over Rafe who was on his hands and knees and trying to catch him breath. 

JJ fought as hard as he could, every single one of his limbs flailing as he seethed in the two strangers’ arms. He needed to _help_. That was Topper. That was his fucking boyfriend. 

_Boyfriend?_

“Let him go,” Topper demanded, fury turning his entire body so red it was hard to tell where the blood began and his skin ended. “I said don’t fucking touch him!” This time he was screaming and some people around them turned to see what was going on. 

The Kooks let JJ go and Topped guided him over to the car again, where Kie latched onto him. Kelce was still holding Pope back, but let go when Topper screamed. Rafe was making his way back up to his feet when Topper shoved him back down on the ground. 

_Don’t go too far, Top. Don’t go too far_. 

Topper kicked Rafe in the stomach and blood sputtered out of his mouth. Then, however, Topper stuck a hand out. Rafe rolled his eyes, spitting blood out onto the grass and hauling himself up right. JJ wanted to reach out but he could also tell the actual fighting had subsided, so he let Kie hold him steady. 

“How do you sleep at night, man?” Topper began as Rafe smeared some of the blood of his face with his forearm. “Knowing you killed Peterkin?”

Rafe’s hands were around Topper’s neck instantly. Kie and Pope held JJ back. 

“Watch your fucking mouth.”

 _Watch you mouth, boy. Watch your mouth boy_. 

_Not now, JJ. Not now_. 

“You shot her. You murdered her and you let John B take the blame.”

“I didn’t let that Pogue do shit. And he killed my little sister so don’t tell me fucking shit about John B,” Rafe cried, gripping tighter on Topper’s neck and lifting him off his feet and into the air. JJ fought back tears at the sound of Topper choking like that. He knew that position too fucking well. He’d made that sound enough times to know how close to the edge Rafe was dragging Topper. 

Pope and Kie were holding him too tightly. He needed to _help_ , damnit. He squirmed, wriggled, and flailed, but they held him back towards the car. Maybe part of it was to shield the group from the Sarah-and-John-B-sized lump in the back. 

“I watched John B kill Peterkin. And then I watched him drag my sister away into that fucking storm and he drowned her. Because she was trying to lie for him, say I did it. Because she was fucking stupid.”

“Fuck,” Topper choked out. “Y-You.”

Rafe let go as Topper fell to the ground with an enormous thud. JJ finally pried out of their grip and melted down next to him, helping him sit up. 

“And you gave them the boat, isn’t that right, Maybank? You're really the one who got them killed.”

JJ wanted to hit Rafe with everything he had but Rafe was shoving him so he was down on the ground beside Topper, slamming into him and hitting his chin on Topper’s head, making his teeth tingle and vision sparkle with pink and blue flashes of light. 

“Hey, Rafe?”

 _Fuck. No. No. No. This was such a bad idea. Fuck_.

“Well, god damn. If it isn't John B.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All good things...must come to a temporary end for the sake of driving the plot forward. So glad to see you are all still enjoying this story! My life had been such chaos lately but everything is calming down and I now have quite a lot of free time, so you can expect more frequent updates again. I want to keep this story going for a while because I am really in too deep to let go of it, but I'm not sure how many more chapters there will be. Maybe a few, maybe a lot? Who knows, lol! Your kind feedback means so much to me every single time, kudos to you all <3


	20. the one where john b gets arrested

Sarah’s hand was tugging John B’s but he let it slip from his grasp and darted out from under the blanket. It was hard enough to hide in the shadows while he heard his friends fight, but to hear Rafe calling Sarah stupid. To hear Rafe blaming JJ for John B and Sarah’s ‘death.’ He couldn’t bare it. 

Showing his face wasn’t a split-second decision either. For weeks he and Sarah had been trying to come up with a way to return to the Outer Banks without John B getting arrested. There was no way. John B had played every possible scenario in his head. And he was really fucking tired. 

“Hey Rafe,” he called out, ready to take on whatever shit was about to come storming his way. And it was rather satisfying to see how far Rafe’s jaw dropped when he saw John B emerge from the trunk of the car. 

John B glanced to Kie and Pope—they looked unharmed—and to JJ and Topper—who looked significantly more harmed. JJ had Topper’s face cradled in his hands but both of their eyes were locked on John B. 

“Well, god damn,” Rafe practically sung. “If it isn’t John B.” 

Rafe looked a little too smug for somebody who just realized the only witness to their murder was still alive—and clearly no longer giving a fuck about it. 

“Alive and well.”

And that comment made the smug stronger somehow. John B wanted to punch him but his face was already bloody and gross. 

“Where the hell have you been?”

John B could see everybody around them watching, pointing, backing away in fear. It was a new feeling, being feared. It wasn’t something John B felt comfortable with at all. 

“Chasing your daddy to the Bahamas. Surprised you didn’t follow considering the fact that you were willing to kill for him.”

“You don’t know shit,” Rafe spat, grabbing John B by his shirt. John B could feel Sarah’s hands pulled him back. 

“Fuck. Sarah?”

“I’m not dead either, Rafe. And I’m gonna tell everybody what you did. To Peterkin.”

Rafe reached out for her and that was all it took for John B to haul himself at the guy as Kie shielded Sarah from the fight. Once he started punching Rafe he couldn’t stop. He didn’t stop until Officer Shoupe and his guys showed up and put him in hand cuffs. And still he flung his legs out in hope of getting one last kick in. He felt like a rapid animal because all he could think about was bashing Rafe’s head in. 

And before he could come down from that high properly, before he could even look over to Sarah one last time, he was sitting in the backseat of a cop car.

* * *

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen,” Sarah sobbed against Kie’s shoulder. Unsure of how to console her, Kie just kept her arms around Sarah and didn’t say a word. What could she have said to make it better?

The officers had showed up as John B was beating Rafe senseless. They had hauled John B away in handcuffs and simply escorted Rafe and his buddies out of the drive-in. As if _John B_ was the dangerous one.

Sarah was an absolute wreck. She was hyperventilating and choking and her spit was all over Kie’s tank top. It was gross how desperately she was crying. Topper and JJ weren’t all that much better though. Topper was covered in blood and much of it had gotten on JJ as well. The night had been going so well. 

Kie felt Pope’s hands on her back and she looked over to meet his eyes. So warm. So comforting. Always there when the world came crumbling down. He lead Kie and Sarah into the backseat of the car and then came back a few moments later with Topper and JJ. Topper and JJ refused to be separated and Sarah was still withering away in Kie’s arms, so in spite of her better judgement, Kie picked up Sarah and placed her right on her lap, locking the seatbelt around them both. Topper handed Pope the keys. 

“We-we have to he-help him,” Sarah choked out, her fingers gripping Kie’s arms so tightly that Kie wondered if she had drawn blood. It didn’t matter right now if Kie was uncomfortable though. She pressed her chin on Sarah’s shoulder, hugging her even tighter. 

“We’re going to do everything we can,” Pope reassured her calmly from the front seat. He wasn’t driving as calmly as he was speaking but Kie didn’t blame him. 

“He can’t g-go to pri-prison,” she wailed. Kie let one hand run through her hair like Kie’s parents did when Kie was upset. It didn’t make Sarah stop sobbing, but it made her trembling subside enough that Kie continued to it.

Kie let her chin tilt to the side so her cheek was resting on Sarah’s collarbone and let her eyes glance to JJ and Topper. There was blood drooling out of Topper’s mouth but JJ was wiping it off with his bandana. There was still a lot of blood on Topper’s fists but JJ hadn’t gotten that far yet. Topper was whispering something angrily under his breath but it was too quiet for Kie to understand. JJ was crying, far more quietly than Sarah, but Kie could tell that the night had affected him more than he wanted to show. He continued to wipe off the blood with his right hand, his left holding onto Topper’s. 

It was really, really comforting to see JJ holding somebody’s hand. It made Kie feel a little more at ease seeing how much somebody loved her best friend. 

“We’re almost there, Sarah. Everything’s going to be okay,” Pope announced from the front seat. Sarah let out a hiccup and her entire body bounced in Kie’s lap. She could feel Sarah’s head nodding but it was shaky and felt more like a spasm. 

“He can’t go j-jail, Ki-Kie,” Sarah whimpered as Pope parked the car in the station’s parking lot. “He would get ki-killed.”

“I know, Sarah. I know.” 

Kie unbuckled them and let Pope help Sarah down to her feet. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and Kie took her opposite hand as the pair lead her inside. She looked back to JJ before shutting the car door but he just gave her a shrug. 

“We’re going to stay out here, I think.”

Kie understood. It was just a bit too much for them right now. Topper still seemed so far gone that Kie didn’t think he _should_ come inside anyway. She gave JJ a small smile and closed the car door, helping Pope guide Sarah into the station. 

“We’re here for John B!” she pleaded, racing up the front desk and resting her hand on the glass. The man shooed her hand down and nodded, looking something up on his computer as he did. 

“He’s been denied bail, ma’am.”

“He’s what?”

“He forfeited that right when he fled the county. If you’d like to see him you can visit him in Kildare County Juvenile Detention Center on Saturday when they have visiting hours.”

“What?” she exclaimed, her body crashing down and Pope caught her from behind. Her eyes were rolling around as if she had hit her head and Kie could tell she was about to start bawling again. Kie took a step forwarded and decided she was going to handle it. 

“When is his trial going to be? Have they set a date yet?”

“Not yet, ma’am. That will be announced within the night, though. Y’all can come back down here tomorrow and find out.”

“How long?” she asked, glancing back to where Pope was guiding Sarah onto one of the chairs as she buried her face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Sometime by the end of the night, ma’am. Really, I don’t know.”

The guy seemed completely indifferent to how John B was, how furiously Sarah was crying, or to anything other than whatever was happening on his computer screen. If the glass wasn’t there Kie would tempted to reach out and shake him. 

“We’ll wait here, then.”

“You kids go home. Being here is only gonna make that girl even more upset. Ain’t nothing you can do for your friend but wait until he’s got his trail.”

“But, sir—”

“Go home, kid.” He drew his eyes away from the screen and took off his glasses so he was finally looking Kie directly in the eyes. “It probably will be within the month. Not much else been going on down here lately and this kid’s burned up quite a fire. One of us is dead.”

“It wasn’t him.”

“Well, we’ll just wait and see what the judge has to see about that.” He put his glassed back on and went back to typing on his computer. “Have a good night, now.”

 _Fuck you_ , Kie wanted to scream. But he was a cop and Kie couldn’t do that. So she walked over to Pope and shook her head. He looked defeated and exhausted and scared. She helped her carry Sarah back out to the car. She didn’t think twice before climbing into the front seat and drawing Sarah onto her lap again. Sarah needed it. But Kie needed it to—needed to hold onto somebody. Topper and JJ were wrapped around each other in the back, Topper now with much less blood on his hands and face. Pope let his right hand fall in Kie’s and used his left hand to drive them. 

“Topper’s?” Pope asked. 

“I can’t,” came the very soft and shaky voice that Kie almost forgot was what JJ sounded like now. “I have to go back.” 

_Back home_. Because that’s where JJ lived now. 

“Even just for a night?” Topper asked quietly. 

“I can’t.” 

Kie wished she could pull JJ onto her lap too. And Pope. And, hell, even Topper. She wished she could just wrap her arms around her friends and make everything okay. She really wished she could see John B and make sure the cops weren’t hurting him. She wished she could run down Rafe Cameron. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, baby. It’s okay.”

 _Topper called JJ ‘baby?’_ It was gentle and sweet and Kie felt her lips wanting to smile but didn’t quite have the energy to do so. 

“It’s okay, JJ. How about I drop off Sarah and Kie first?”

“Yeah, that would be okay.”

Kie gave Pope’s hand a squeeze in thank you. She needed to get Sarah home.

* * *

Pope made sure Kie and Sarah were inside the house before he headed back out to drive JJ and Topper out to the mainland. Topper had tried to convince him he was okay to drive but Pope could see his hands shaking. And Pope saw how tightly JJ was holding onto him. 

“I can drive, bro. It’s not big deal.”

“Okay,” Topper agreed pretty quickly. 

Pope felt a bit awkward all alone in the front while Topper and JJ sat in the back but JJ was still crying and Pope certainly didn’t want to rip him away from Topper just so he wasn’t lonely in the front seat. 

“This is all my fault,” JJ said part way over to the mainland. Pope wanted to stop the car and turn to face JJ but he kept driving. 

“No it’s not,” he said instead. 

“Don’t,” Topper pressed at the same time. “Rafe is a dick and you did nothing wrong.”

“It’s all my fault.”

Pope had known JJ for a long time. Up until this summer he thought he knew JJ pretty well—maybe better than anybody else in the world. He understood why JJ was so hot and cold, why JJ flinched when Pope would touch him without warning, why JJ wanted to sleep with everyone that walked. He got JJ. Until he didn’t. The night in the hot tub was a big wake up call for Pope. He had never seen JJ cry before. He had never heard JJ sound like _that_ before. And JJ was sounding like _that_ more often than not these days. 

“None of this is your fault.”

“Even I agree with Topper, JJ.”

“I should’ve just let it be.”

“You didn’t do anything, JJ. Nothing.”

Pope watching through the rear window as Topper held JJ against his chest, wide and concerned eyes staring back out to meet Pope’s in the reflection. Something about that moment—even more so than anything that had happened so far—sunk in for Pope just how much JJ needed them. It made Pope even more angry that JJ had been put into foster care. 

And Pope was angry for JJ. But he had also felt such an enormous relief when Kie had broken the news to him. All he could think about was JJ clinging to Kie with bright yellow and purple patches on his ribs, his body trembling under Pope’s arms. All he could think about was the bruises and cuts that JJ could never too convincingly explain. The way JJ had said, _’it’s nothing that hasn’t happened before'_ as if that was supposed to make Pope feel better and not immensely worse. 

Pope knew it much be lonely for JJ. Pope missed him so much. He had been worried sick over it all. But he also loved knowing that Luke no longer had custody of JJ. Couldn’t lay a finger on him. Loved knowing that JJ had a bed and food to eat so he didn’t have to eat John B’s moldy bread to stay alive. Pope knew foster care was completely awful to JJ, but it wasn’t completely awful to Pope. 

Pope realized Topper and JJ were still arguing but it was quiet now, hushed in whispers, and clearly not intended for Pope to hear. Pope turned on the radio lightly to let them know he wouldn’t try and eavesdrop. A few times he let himself glance back at them through the rear window but they stayed tangled up in each other. The fight didn’t have much kick to it, mostly just JJ trying not to break and Topper trying to pick up the pieces before they both shattered. 

Pope felt really helpless to it. Helpless against the cops that had taken John B. Helpless to Sarah and to Kiara—he was never all that good at comforting people. He felt really helpless to JJ and everything he was going through. He couldn’t stop Luke from being a shitty father, he couldn’t stop the state from wanting to keep JJ in a safe home, and, apparently, he also couldn’t stop JJ from blaming everybody’s problems on himself. 

But he could drive JJ home. So he did. 

Topper lead JJ to the door and Pope looked away when Topper kissed him goodnight. To Pope’s relief, Topper hopped into the passenger’s seat once JJ was inside. 

“Fuck, man,” Topper sighed, wiping his hands down his face. A bit of blood smeared on his cheek when he did but Pope could ignore under the dark light of the night. It would be a long drive back to Topper’s house. It was going to be a long fucking night. 

“If I had known Rafe was going to show up…” Pope trailed off, not knowing how to comfort Topper. How to comfort himself. 

“None of us could’ve known. I’ve known Rafe my whole life and he only ever goes down to the Cut when he needs a fix. Never to see a movie.”

“And he’s gonna sleep soundly tonight,” Pope muttered, anger in her heart but only exhaustion in his voice. Topper just nodded, resting against the window and turning the air conditioning up a level. 

“Maybe during John B’s trial the truth will come out. I mean, Sarah witnessed the whole thing.”

“They didn’t believe her the night it happened.”

‘That night was a mess. This is going to be a full on trial with lawyers and evidence and shit.”

“It might not.”

“What do you mean?” Topper asked, confusion on his face. 

“Just because there’s going to be a trial doesn’t mean that lawyers or judges or a jury are going to give a damn about the truth. Peterkin was a cop, man. They’ll stop a nothing to get ‘justice’ for her. Even if it means putting an innocent kid behind bars.” 

“I’m guessing John B doesn’t have a lawyer.”

“You’re guessing right.”

“He could use mine.”

“He can’t afford yours, man,” Pope sighed. “Do you know how much money John B has?” It was a rhetorical question but Topper still shook his head. “Zero. I mean absolutely nothing. His dad spent every penny they had on the Royal Merchant and then Ward Cameron killed him. Left John B with nothing, all alone. And then Ward fired John B. The guy doesn’t eat half the time.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, damn.”

Maybe Pope was a bit angrier than he thought. Not at Topper though, not right now. 

“Sorry. I’m just frustrated.”

“So am I.”

“John B’s going to jail and JJ’s like falling apart and I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

Topper nodded, scratching at the back of his head, eyes watery and glistening under the traffic light they were stopped at. 

“Is he, like, okay?” Pope asked, hoping Topper knew he meant not sure on the surface but deeper down inside JJ. 

“He misses you guys a lot,” Topper admitted sadly as Pope cruises through the green light. 

“But he’s not gonna run or hurt somebody or…” was he gonna say it out loud—fuck it, “…hurt himself, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

Pope hummed, not the answer he wanted to hear. 

“I really don’t. No.”

“Even with all of this?”

“He’s a lot stronger than you’re giving him credit for.”

“Shit, I know, Topper. I know he’s strong but have you seen him lately?”

“He’s just as strong as he’s ever been. He’s just not bottling it up,” Topper explained and Pope, for once in his life, felt like the dumbest person in the room. For a preppy asshole, Topper made a surprising amount of sense sometimes. 

“I didn’t really think about it like that.”

“I think he’s going to be okay, Pope. Really.”

That was surprisingly comforting and Pope just nodded, turning finally onto Topper’s street. 

“I think Kie’s probably crashing here tonight and you’re welcome to stay too if you don’t want to, like, be alone tonight.”

“Thanks, Topper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, another new mess we've gotten ourselves into. Don't worry, this story will have a happy ending...eventually, lol. Hope you're all still enjoying and staying safe. Kudos to you all <3


	21. the one where they can finally celebrate

Kiara, Pope, JJ, and Sarah were all called to be witnesses in John B’s trial. Margaret wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of having to take off an entire Tuesday to drive JJ over to the Outer Banks for the trial. Still, she took him to the thrift store for slacks, a nice button-down shirt, and a tie. As a thank you, JJ stayed quietly in his room all week and vacuumed the living room carpet. 

The trial was far too confusing for JJ to really understand if John B’s lawyer was doing a good job. Pope was called to the stand first, explained what he saw and why he left, and then pointed out John B and Rafe respectively. Kie did the same but JJ could tell she was biting back tears the entire time. JJ tried not to copy verbatim what the others had said but he was nervous and his fingers wouldn’t stop fidgeting. Once he had recalled the story he was already sitting back down and Sarah was being called to the stand. 

“Miss Cameron, is it true that you witnessed the murder of Sheriff Susan Peterkin?” 

“Yes, ma’am. I saw him shoot her.”

“Who shot Susan Peterkin, Miss Cameron?”

Sarah eyes had welled with tears but hesitantly she spoke. 

“My brother. Rafe Cameron.”

The lawyer asked her a few more questions and then the other lawyer took her spot and began spitting across the room trying to denounce her testimony— _Pope had worded it that way, at least_. 

“Ward Cameron, Sarah’s father, told Officer Shoupe the night of the shipwreck that Sarah is Schizophrenic. She is not a reliable witness and I move that her testimony is dropped.”

 _Impeachment of the witness, Pope had explained_. The room and the words were moving too fast for JJ to understand but Kie had laced their fingers together and it helped the air to flow in and out of his lungs again. 

Sarah was crying when the cross examination had ended but Rose gave her shoulder a squeeze as she headed up to the stand for her own testimony. 

“Sarah is my step daughter,” she informed, after John B’s lawyer had asked for her relationship to the events. “She does not have Schizophrenia and I brought her medical history with me today. My husband lied to cover his own ass.”

“And why would Ward make so bold a lie about his own daughter?”

“He wanted that gold. More than his own family,” she said, voice seething in bitterness. “He left the next day with the gold. We haven’t heard a word from him since. He left his wife and three children behind. He does not care what happens to any of us.”

On Kie’s other side, Sarah was crying but she bit down on her knuckles to keep from making noise and distracting from the trial. JJ understood—to an extent—how she must be feeling. He knew exactly what it felt like to hear out loud the facts that were already known: how it felt to hear somebody say that your dad didn’t give a shit what happened to you. 

Rose didn’t have anything to say about Rafe or the murder of Sherriff Peterkin, so her testimony was short. JJ couldn’t read the judge’s facial expression she he lingered on the edge of his seat and clutched Kie’s hand in his own. 

“…There is no physical evidence that Jonathan Routledge shot Susan Peterkin. The gun was never found. The only evidence the state has against my client is the testimony of a man who failed to show up to court today. A man who fled the country and has not been heard from in months. My client is innocent and has been framed for a murder he did not commit. I move that all charges against Jonathan be dropped immediately.” 

JJ didn’t know much about legal jargon or how trials worked, but she sounded so smart and confident that JJ couldn’t imagine the judge wouldn’t believe her. He couldn’t wait to tell Topper how great she had done—it was _his_ lawyer after all. 

_Not guilty._

The judge even hit his little gavel against his desk like JJ had seen in the movies. John B was innocent and he knew it. John B was going to be released from juvie. 

John B was crying and Sarah was shoving past Rose to wrap him in her arms. JJ couldn’t stop smiling and wrapped an arm around Pope and Kie. 

“Thank god,” Kie whispered under her breath. 

“I didn’t think they’d actually be able to do it,” Pope agreed. 

John B and Sarah clung to each other for a few minutes but they finally let up and John B pulled the three Pogues into his chest. The bags under his eyes and the bruises on his neck were still all too visible, even in light of the grin on his face. 

He had been in juvie for two months. Just waiting for his trial to even happen. 

_”It’s not that bad, really,” John B had claimed during the first visiting session they’d attended. He was sitting across the table from JJ, Pope, and Kie. It was the worst he had ever looked in his life._

_“The guys giving you shit?” JJ asked gently, trying not to let his eyes linger on the cut across John B’s lip. It had scabbed over but the skin around it was green._

_“It could be a lot worse.”_

_Kie had cried when John B walked away, not letting him see how it broke her. She couldn’t go back so for the rest of the visits it was just Pope and JJ_.

* * *

John B drove the HMS Pogue out into the marsh and JJ let the anchor drop to keep them floating around the same spot. It was far enough away from the shore to give them some privacy but the lights of the Cut still glistened over the water in the distance. Topper and Pope opened up the cooler and handed out the cold cans of beer to the others. Sarah curled up on John B’s lap and JJ cracked open his can, nestling beside Topper. Pope took a sip of his drink and spun a strand of Kie’s hard around his finger, resting his chin over her shoulder. 

“For a while there, I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life in jail,” John B commented as the song playing from Sarah’s speaker died down, shifting to the next song in the queue. 

“A few months ago, I wasn’t sure if we would ever get to come home. Like _come home_ , be here and drink a beer with friends, come home,” Sarah added. 

“We thought you had died,” JJ whispered. “Like drowned in the ocean, died.”

“Fuck 2019,” Kie exclaimed. 

John B shook his head, grinning. He guided Sarah off his lap and stood up in the center of the boat. 

“A toast,” he announced, raising his PBR up to the stars, “to 2019.”

“The weirdest fucking year ever,” Kie added, raising her beer into the center of the group. 

“2020 can’t possibly be any worse,” agreed JJ, pulling out from under Topper’s arm to raise his own drink. 

The boat felt a lot lighter, somehow, with the two extra bodies. If you had asked JJ a year ago if he was going to voluntarily spend New Year’s Eve with Topper Thornton and Sarah Cameron, he would have told you that you were insane. Now though, nothing felt more right. 

“Resolutions, let’s go,” Kie cheered excitedly after she clinked her drink against the others’, sitting down crisscross-applesauce between Pope and Sarah. 

“I’m going to find another scholarship,” Pope declared, taking a sip of his beer. Kie pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m going to pass junior year,” John B laughed—he had missed way too much school to accomplish that dream, but it was sweet. “For real, though, I’m going to get a real job and stop chasing after the Royal Merchant money.”

“I love that,” Sarah commented, leaning against his chest and looping his arms over her chest. “I think for my resolution I’m going to make sure my brother gets arrested.”

“I think that’s everybody’s resolution. Pick one for yourself,” John B protested. JJ thought it was stupid for Sarah to get two resolutions but nobody else seemed to mind. 

“Okay, uh. I don’t know, use less plastic.”

“Fuck, yeah,” Kie praised. 

“What about you, Kie?”

“Me? I don’t know. Spend more time with my friends?”

“We spend like every waking minute together,” Pope retorted. She elbowed him gently but smiled nonetheless. 

“All of us, together.”

“I want to be a better person,” said Topper, hugging JJ closer to him. It was really too hot to be this close to one another but JJ didn’t care, happy to be sweaty and held than on his own. 

“I think that’s a great resolution,” Sarah agreed. 

“JJ?” Kie asked, the group shifting their focus to him. 

“I don’t think I have a resolution, actually.”

“There’s nothing you want to do this year?” Pope pondered. JJ shrugged. 

“I really like my life right now,” he explained. “I don’t really want it change.”

“Aww!” John B cooed. 

“I love you,” Topper hummed, pressing his lips against JJ’s cheek. 

“I love you all so much,” Kie added, holding out her free hand and placing it on Sarah’s. It was the drop in the ocean that rippled out in waves. Pope held onto Kie, who held hands with Sarah, who was hugging John B, who reached out to put his hand on Topper’s shoulder, who held onto JJ, who curled his foot around Pope’s ankle. And they were all wrapped around each other, a little bit drunk and a little bit too hot. 

“I would’ve never survived this year without you guys,” JJ added, voice soft but sharp from the alcohol, a bit too loud but still gentle. 

“I would be in jail without you guys,” said John B.

“I’d be alone,” stated Topper. 

“I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t have this,” Kie smiled, eyes wet with happiness. “This year, we’re going to be seniors. We have to enjoy this while we’ve got it.”

“Don’t go there, Kiara,” Sarah whined. 

“I’m being sentimental!”

“Let her be sentimental, babe.”

“It’s so sad, I don’t want to think about it.”

“I love you guys,” Pope chimed in. 

“To the Pooks!” Sarah giggled. Kie almost fell off her seat when the words fell from Sarah’s lips.

“The what?”

“No more Pogues and Kooks nonsense. We’re the Pooks!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” John B chuckled but kissed the top of her head. Sarah didn’t take the comment as an insult, too busy giggling at her own words. 

“I second that,” Topper agreed, bumping his fist against John B’s.

“I love the Pooks,” Kie sung merrily, a bit sloppily now that she was on her third beer. 

The chanting from customers outside the Wreck began to echo across the water. Kie and Pope handed everyone the New Year’s Eve paraphernalia that Sarah had picked up from the dollar store. Pope chose the color-changing glasses with a glittery ‘2019’ plastered atop the frames. Sarah, John B, and Kie took the party blowers and Topper wrapped the sparkly boa around himself and JJ. JJ opened up his phone to the countdown app. 

“I can’t wait for this shit year to be over,” Sarah grinned. 

“This year wasn’t all bad. I mean, it was shitty, but a lot of good happened too,” Pope argued. “I mean, none of us were dating at the beginning of this year.”

“Except Top and I,” Sarah laughed. JJ could feel Topper’s hold on him tighten but they both shook as Topper laughed too. 

“Remember when I thought I was straight?”

JJ held his hand, still revealing in the feeling of being able to do so freely and without concern while being surrounded by the people who cared most about him in the world. This year really hadn’t been all that bad. 

“Guys, 10 seconds!” JJ interrupted before they missed it. 

“10…9…8…7…” they all counted. The lower the numbers got the louder their voices rose, the tighter they held onto each other, the brighter the stars glowed. 

Last New Year’s Eve had been a lot different. The four Pogues had been celebrating at the boneyard. John B had been macking on some random touron and Pope had been on his desperate mission to have his first kiss before 2019 begun. Kie had been off with some guy by the bonfire, not even counting down with the other Pogues. And JJ had taken a girl home who never even learned the name of. It had been a big party, but it just felt like any other boring party on any other boring day in the Outer Banks.

This was the first New Year’s Eve where JJ understood the excitement of a new chapter, of going into a brand new year— _a new decade_ —with hope that things were going to get better. He was surrounded by the people he loved, after a year that had hit him harder than a freight train. And he had somebody to kiss who would still be there when he woke up in the morning. Somebody who loved him. Somebody he loved. 

“…6…5…4…”

2020 was going to a good year, JJ could feel it in his gut. Maybe there would be some obstacles, but it couldn’t possibly be worse than 2019. 

“…3…2…1! Happy New Year!”

JJ pressed his lips to Topper’s. 

_Happy fucking New Year_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been so much fun to write and I feel so bittersweet to see it come to a close. I am very notorious for not finishing the writing I start, so I am so happy to have finished this and have actually left it at a point where I am actually pretty happy with it. (Btw, I know nothing about law nor have I ever been to a trial, so if that scene isn't realistic...well, it's the best I could do). I hope you are all happy with the ending too, it felt like the right way to end it (even though I did feel a little mean making them all believe 2020 wasn't going to be an absolute garbage year for us all, oop)! I just couldn't help myself with that one. Anyway, thank you all SO MUCH for the incredible support for this fic, it has been so motivating and heart-warming to read all your comments. Thanks so much for the love, kudos to you all <3


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